


My World Is You

by midnightdreaming



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, End of the World, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of drugs, OT5, Original Character Death(s), a little smut, a tiny bit of ziam, and i was like hmmmmm, and one of them was like i love sad fics with major character death, because long haired harry is life i dont care what you think, i was in this group chat when i was writing this ages ago, its like the good old days just go with me on it, mentions of guns, mentions of zouis, oh and long haired harry, oh its not ot5 for that long, so if this kills you you can blame that person, so its not that much ot5, zayn shows up like twice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-26 18:10:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 91,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9914828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightdreaming/pseuds/midnightdreaming
Summary: So Harry’s mind drifted and he found himself thinking of all the items filled inside boxes and bags they’ve lost with things they now no longer had anymore. It was all really nice stuff too, and even Liam and Niall had things of their own packed away, and when they first met each other they all pooled it together. There was Niall's guitar, Liam's sneakers (that cost way too much), and even Harry's books and some of his mother’s best China. He remembered the day when they all put that stuff in some basement of some building for safe keeping, back when things were hopeful. They thought that in a month they'd get all that stuff back again because surely in a month things would be just like normal and these items would have a place in the world.It’d been two years.~~~~~~~~Together, Harry, Liam and Niall were surviving in a post apocalyptic world, until they met Louis, then they started living (oh and Z*** appears for a little bit).





	1. Chapter 1

They caught him quick. The night was cooler, compared to the hot day they just had; the air no longer sticky so it felt good to breath in and out. They hadn't had such clean air in a while. They figured that was because they were in the "nicer" part of town.

That was true. They were.

They followed behind him in their car, and man, their car, the poor thing, a black minivan (painted black by one of its previous owners. They knew this because on the back bumper the paint started to chip), but it's color now looked more ashy grey as if covered with a thin coat of dirt from the dusty air, and even when they tried to wipe it off the air was so thick that faster than they could get the dust off it coated the van once again.

Hastily attached, the minivan featured a California license plate, despite the fact that the car was not from the US at all. Liam, who found the minivan, said he found it with no license plate at all. It wasn’t until the three of them were doing some rummaging of a half burnt parking garage when Niall found the plate from Cali, the least destroyed plate they had found thus far. Not taking the no from Liam as an answer and using Harry’s “why not?” as motivation, Niall drilled it on the best he could to the back of the van. 

Anyway, they knew they must have been following a big shot by the type of car he was driving and the way he left his car at the compound once he arrived. Not everyone gets a lighted, heated, somewhat cleaned parking garage. Not everyone even has a car, or a house, family, food, or even a life. Not anymore, at least.

Knowing they'd stick out in a parking lot full of convertibles and luxury cars, they pulled up against the side of the lot and the two of them ran out, concealing the guns they took with them, just in case.

They hid behind a wide pole at the entrance of the garage and waited, watching the car slide into a spot rather hastily, wheels skidding a bit as the car stopped quickly. Reckless, reckless, reckless, that's how these government officials and workers drove, like they owned the world. And that might be slightly true, but it didn't make it ok for them to speed around like a bratty 17 year old trying to show off his stupid pick up truck.

They looked up quickly as they heard the car's driver door slam loudly, seeing a man go over to the back and lift up the hood of the trunk. Niall had to stand up to see him better, and once he had a good glimpse, the two quickly and quietly began to make it over to the man, lining up behind him. He was busily going through the bags and suitcases in his trunk as if he was looking for something and in a hurry.

Despite the thinking that the man was so wrapped up in whatever he was looking for, he must have heard them sneaking up on him at some point, because suddenly he turned around himself aiming his own gun at them.

This slightly threw the two of them off, but at the same time, they weren’t that surprised that the man knew they were there. After all, he probably noticed a strange black mini van following him and suspected something was up.

"What do you dirty rebels want now?" The man sighed sounding annoyed to be bothered, removing his sunglasses from his eyes with one hand while not faltering his aim of his gun, which was aimed right at Liam. Because it was dark out and it wasn't too bright in that garage either, there was no sensible reason for this guy to be wearing sunglasses, except for the very obvious point that this guy had pretentious eyes. 

His voice was light and hushed, despite being serious, and he had an accent neither of them had heard in a while, but they couldn’t place where in England he was from. 

He smelled like vanilla with hint of cigarettes; kind of an odd mix of scents and yet it was the slightest bit pleasant, oddly enough. He was wearing black tight jeans and a tee shirt, but with a sports coat on over it, and couldn’t use his height as a threat since he was shorter than the both of them. The sneakers he was wearing didn't give him any help in the height department either.

"You," Liam responded bluntly, trying to make this short and quick. Since the guy they were trying to grab seemed to be in a hurry, the last thing the two of them needed was to get caught themselves if someone should happen to show up and see what was going on. "We need you to talk." He added, nodding his head ever so slightly, as that was the symbol for Niall to catch him before he could fight back. It had to be quick, this guy had a more powerful arm than they did and the risk of the two of them getting caught seemed to be looming.

The two of them knew that this was no starving, poor, half dead rebel and no flat out regular human either; this was a wealthy, comfortable person of worth to the people in charge, currently holding and aiming (what they assumed to be) a fully loaded gun. Liam only had about four rounds, and Niall had just two. They both couldn't run out now because they'd have no protection for the drive back. Because of this, they actually had no intention to shoot him, but they played it off as if they had all the bullets in the world. If the two of them were able to pull this heist off, they'd make it back home with this man and their guns with the same amount of bullets as they left with, a true success.

The two started walking forward, slowly, slowly, slowly, guns ready and pointed at this guy’s chest with determined eyes. They knew they'd finally be able to wrap him up when the man no longer had a place to go, since he subconsciously started walking back and would inevitably bump into his car at some point. Because this man was holding a gun and looked perfectly alert, they couldn't just pull the quick and grab plan where they pounce and suddenly take him, even if he was doing what they asked (in an unaware sense, of course). No, they had to come off as slow, tired, hungry, dirty rebels, no one can know of their strength.

But, the man fell into their trap quickly.

Leaning against his trunk filled with duffle bags and boxes of all shapes and sizes, the man's wasn’t surrendering yet, as his gun stayed pointed at Liam. He also didn't seem alarmed once he bumped into the trunk of his car.

"What do you want from me, anyway? Besides the goods that I have. I know that’s really what you’re after. You know, you could get some too if you just-" the man tried cooing, but Liam wasn't having any of it. He thought he was hearing loud footsteps up above and was starting to get worried. This man knew about the power of stalling.

"Look, let’s just get this straight, you're coming with us because we captured you." Liam replied, trying to speed things up.

The man laughed lightly. ”You didn't capture me, I could shoot both of you guys right now, you think this is a joke?" 

It was just then that Liam quickly moved his own gun right up to the man's neck, and the man tensed up a bit. Clearly these rebels weren’t kidding.

"What is it you want again?" The man breathed, easing his tone up a bit with Liam's gun at his throat and Niall's own gun not too far behind.

Niall smirked. "That's better, I don't like when we have to make these exchanges violent." He remarked conversationally.

"You're coming with us and giving us what we ask for."

"And if I don't?"

"You'll die right here." Liam announced confidently.

The man pondered this with a slight pout, and soon was taking too long to decide.

"You've got ten more seconds before one of us does something, and I don’t think you’ll like it.” Niall pitched in. However, the man didn't seem alarmed. Maybe he knew they wouldn't really do anything come that tenth second.

The man then eyed the both of them suspiciously as if getting tired of their game, and decided to start playing one of his own. "Fine, I'll come along, but you're not getting anything out a me." He responded defiantly. By now, the man kind of figured out that these rebels knew more than he thought they did, were way more organized than the thought, and probably were planning something, so he was intrigued. He knew that if he could see their place and materials, he could come back and get men to wipe out their efforts in two seconds, removing a section of the rebel forces right off of the earth. Maybe he'd be a hero, a smart man messing with the underground. Why hadn't he done this before?

"Good," Liam began slowly moving the gun away from the man's neck, but with his own other hand, grabbed after the gun being held by the man. This was fast, and when Liam pulled it out of his fingers the man was simply stunned at his quickness and had to give in. Niall then grabbed both of the man's wrists and secured him from trying to escape.

The man didn't do much, but show his surprise at their speed. Why they hadn't used it earlier? Good question. Was the man now a little bit more on edge? Yeah, but that was ok, he felt he had the upper hand, the knowledge, the training, the mental sharpness and the value in society that the other two seemed to lack. He was the real coach of the game and the two of them would soon see that he'd be calling the shots.

Ha.

~~~~~~~~

"I honestly don't think it'll make you two look as good if you make it seem like I willing left." The man huffed as he watched Liam and Niall quickly and neatly unload his car and drag boxes and bags into their own van.

He was sitting in the backseat with the window down a little bit so that he had some fresh air. His wrists tied up in rope knots tighter than he knew how to work with, and he didn't have his pocket knife on him nor any of his other weapons either. Just his sunglasses, which he hoped weren't broken by now. It was hard to get a good pair during those days.

Niall paused from dragging a heavy box and gave him a look. "What do you want it to look like? A TV set?" More like back in the days when they still had those, but Niall didn't say that.

"I dunno, but make it look like I was captured, oh, and robbed. Come on, I'm sure you do this kinda work like every day, make it…messier. Stop trying to come off like us." He scoffed arrogantly.

"You gotta quit it with those stereotypes, we're not dirty or messy."

"Surprise, surprise...No really, I'm surprised."

Liam rolled his eyes. "Well, what do you want us to do, since you’re so picky.”

"Shoot it up a bit, break a window."

"Do we look like we have all the bullets in the world? Besides, noise will only draw attention to us." Niall hissed, getting more and more annoyed.

“Fine, but if you want a slightly better outcome of yourselves when I turn you guys in, you might want to play the kidnapping card."

"You're not gonna turn us in, God, you think this is our first time?" Niall whined, not appreciating the man’s two cents on their every move.

"Maybe not the first, but third or fourth.” The man paused for a second, remembering something. “And also, you're not doing anything to disguise yourself or protect your identity from the security cameras, are you?"

Niall laughed and even Liam slightly smiled. "Where'd that trust go in your old local rebel, huh? You really think we'd waltz in here demanding to take your hostage and not mess with the cameras first? Mate, you've got a lot to learn." Niall shook his head, “but really, don’t underestimate us.”

The man rolled his eyes, and was quiet for a while. Niall and Liam finished up loading the van and prepared to head back.

"Here," Liam began shaking out some bags with white powder, aiming them at the man's car, “this is a start.”

"Hey!" He shouted back, noticing what Liam was doing. "You just wasted a good £656.80 for one gram, to be exact, and that was gonna be my tip!"

Liam paused and looked over at him. "Your tip?" He asked confused.

"Yeah, it's the way I help out the rebels, any thing I can do for them, you know.”

Liam frowned and Niall gasped, both horrified. 

”Must be some pretty rich rebels you know out there with almost £700 to spend on something stupid like that, wasting their money on drugs." Niall huffed as he came around the corner carrying another box. He had a duffle bag on his shoulder (one of the few from the man's car) and was glad it was significantly lighter than the unmarked boxes, and luckily, one of the last.

"Oh please, you'd be dealing them that stuff yourselves if you got the chance, I know it."

"Sure, I'd take it up as my hobby." Niall jabbed after he and Liam loaded the last batch of heavy boxes in the van's trunk.

"You just open up that bag on your shoulder and tell me you wouldn't do it for all that-" he couldn't even finish the sentence, Liam grabbed the bag off of Niall shoulder and they quickly unzipped it. The man was right. It was money, and a lot of it, more than the both of them combined had ever seen. Their eyes grew wide at the sight of it all, and they couldn't hear what the man was saying anymore, but it didn’t seem to matter.

"How many more bags full a money do you think there are?" Niall whispered to Liam as they zipped it back up and smushed it in to the already pretty full trunk.

Liam thought about this quickly, closing the trunk. "I don't know, but there's got to be more than one. We need to get them out of here fast, especially if other people know that's what he was bringing in."

Niall nodded and they quickly walked away from the finally loaded trunk. They didn't want to think about it any longer.

The man just watched them, loving the fact that he got them thinking about that kinda thing, it would make his work a lot easier. Persuading them to take a couple extra stacks, then accuse them of stealing, and there they go, locked up or shot, it was nothing but easy.

Soon they piled into the van, now very anxious to get back, as they spent way too much time there and were bound to get caught if they remained any longer. Before they left, Niall went and slashed 3 of the tires on the man's car. Maybe not the best idea of destruction because they probably had an abundance of tires, but it’d still be annoying.

Liam thought the slashing tires was a nice touch, but the man just rolled his eyes and huffed.

"Why the reaction?" Liam asked as he started the van and sped off. "It's not like you don't make enough money from your "tips" to pay that off or something, if you even have to pay. Plus, weren't you begging us to make it look like we robbed you violently?"

The man sighed, clearly pissed off. “Yeah but slashing someone’s tires is just mean. I thought you two were better than that."

"Hey, you fuck us, we fuck you, right?" Niall laughed lightly in return.

"Mhm, totally." He sighed, looking out the window as the boring, bare landscape flew by. Although he didn’t really get what Niall just said, he didn’t bother asking for clarification. Why did I agree to this? That was something he could use some clarification for, honestly. Even if this was a supposed good idea when he thought of it, coming along now seemed like the biggest mistake, and he wasn’t sure if he should regret the decision now or later.

He started regretting it in that exact moment. And rightfully so, as Liam and Niall gave him enough trouble so far. The man felt he had every right to feel like shit for agreeing to go along with something like this. But he tried not to feel the guilt, as that would really be the indication that he screwed up. No guilt, he told himself, no guilt, no guilt (he still felt guilt anyway).


	2. Chapter 2

They arrived a few hours after they departed from the center where the man was, based in what they thought was London. Since the borders faded away, there were fewer and fewer (regular) people, and almost no laws left (or, people that followed laws), it was hard to tell what areas they were in. People had been getting by on basic directions, luckily still able to remember North, South, East, West and how close the coast was. Other than that, it was as if the names of towns simply passed everyone's minds and no longer existed. 

Of course, there was a good reason why the people still alive forgot, because for a little over a year and a half, the world had been upside down, and people had a massive free for all. Essentially it was pure insanity on all levels. When things first got bad, the government strolled around, planning to take control back, but they got hit with people already claiming control over land and people, so the original government officials have no choice but to go along with it.

Now, with the government aching for control, things were getting violent, and there was hostile feelings between the people still alive (rebels) and those that sided and worked with and for the government. 

Even time was messed up. No one knew what month it really was and especially what year. They just lost track. Then the weather started getting weird, and seasons started changing. They could guess they were heading into the cold season, but no one could ever really be sure. Despite this, people were stubborn, and often believed what they wanted to in terms of what month or season it was and wouldn’t be convinced otherwise. 

Liam and Niall kept up small talk while the man in the back remained silent during the course of the ride. They assumed the guy was listing, since, after all, he did give in rather easily, and maybe that wasn't a good sign. He didn't fight about his car getting trashed (rather he encouraged it) and the loot he was carrying now stolen. Why? He was either going to mess with them now or later, and the last thing Niall and Liam needed was a back stabber, with power. 

Yes, the man mentioned that he could say something when and if he made it back and get the two in trouble, but why would he tell them that and let them in on his plan? Why did he think that was a smart idea? That was the first indication that something was up with this guy.

Soon they arrived, and Liam parked the van next to the bundling; an old three story church that'd been hit by fire on the top and half of the second story. They used the basement downstairs, avoiding the areas that were affected by flames now just ruble. For the time being, it was their center of life and home, but they'd only be living in it for at the most two more months before leaving and finding new locations. At any instant they could just get up and move, that's how ready they were and had to be.

It didn't seem weird to them to be asking for refuge from the "evil" they were doing to the government in a falling apart church, because a church with the purpose of being a church no longer existed. The fire rid it of its purity and innocence and it no longer felt like such a holy place. Nothing was holy anymore. 

"I'll get some guys to unload the stuff." Niall whispered to Liam before they all got out of the van.

"Right," Liam nodded, "just make sure they don't know what's in them. Anything personal of his being to H's. The rest near supplies until sorted."

Niall nodded, while the man tried to understand what they just said. Whose H?

Liam got the man out of the van, and by the time Niall left to grab some people to unload the van, he was back in time to not miss any more developments with this apparently top secret and highly dangerous person.

"Do you think he's good enough? For H's purposes?" Niall mumbled to Liam as they entered one of the back doors, taking the man with them.

"Course I do, H isn't looking for anything spectacular, just someone with information, someone that knows more than we do."

"At least he can offer him that...but only if he talks." Niall sighed, not sounding too hopeful.

"Let's just hope you're not in charge of the interrogation, other wise it'll just turn into a fight about sports." 

"Hey! I know how to interrogate people!" Niall exclaimed a little louder than he should have, but they didn't have to worry, the man wasn't listening, rather taking in what he was seeing, and his overall surprise was that this place wasn't a dump.

“Mhm, sure you do, just like that time where you…” Liam’s voice started to fade into the halls as the man stopped focusing on the conversation between the two. What was more entertaining was the setting, as it was nothing like he had ever seen before. The building might have been falling apart but the rebels tried to make something out of it. They had some light as supposed to total darkness and the place didn't smell. Things looked clean and the air never felt heavy or polluted. The fire destroyed a lot of the building but it left an outline that these people weren't afraid of filling in.

Since they were walking fast, it was hard to take everything in. Liam and Niall had to be quick though, knowing they had to indicate they made it back and with a government official before it turned into the dead of night. If they didn't give the signal that they arrived they'd be in trouble, as it wasn’t safe to venture out in the night, forget the the fact that they successfully captured someone.

The man did his best to pick up on things, despite being hurried along. The man could’t help but want to see more of the building and even go into some of the rooms. Some were labeled "clean storage" and "arms depot" they even had a"kitchen” and “laundry room.” Since when did something so organized like this exist?

The man's curiosity just grew and grew with every step. He was very excited, looking forward to eventually heading back and explaining that some rebels had such abilities. These ones were way more advanced than anyone thought, and this would really help the man’s cause. He would get such an honor and be a very important person, moving up in the ranks and becoming a god to those among him.

He had that much confidence, just until they were nearing their destination.

While en route, the other two were bickering back and forth. Playful stuff, just jabs here and there, like they’d been doing the whole night. It started when Niall stated that Liam drove too slow so Niall called him grandma. Then Liam starts pulling out recipes on Niall. It went on and on, the whole ride. Because of course they wouldn’t be talking about anything important. 

"You knock, I got him." Liam gestured to the door, talking a little louder now, getting the man out of his thoughts and observations.

"Course I gotta do the knocking, you always make me do the dirty work.” Niall huffed giving Liam a look, but Liam just laughed.

By this point, the man was ready to get this next hurdle over with, meeting this guy, whoever he was. For some reason, he felt the two of them were hyping up this person way too much, and he certainly didn’t think it was necessary. 

Of course, he stopped listening to them again, so he didn't hear what Niall said when he opened the door and poked his head in. He didn't know what Niall told this guy, or what Liam was saying either at the time. He was totally absorbed in his own mind until-

He couldn't have been older than the man, younger, by a few years maybe, still not by much though, and actually, he really didn't look very much younger than him at all. He was sitting at a desk, reclining in a chair with his feet crossed upon the desk, a dim light in the back of the room lit him up more than it probably should have. As soon as they all entered the room he stood up, his long legs in tight pants and an almost sheer shirt (black with small dots?!) seemed to tower above all three of them. The shiny black boots he was wearing gave him even more height which seemed rather unnecessary. His hair was a mess of slight curls, soft, wavy, brown, and somewhat long. They fell softly down around his neck which also had some necklaces on it, some that might have even matched the few rings he wore on the fingers of his massive hands. He listened to Niall and Liam closely, and the man finally focused in on their words as soon as this tall creature looked into his own eyes, because their sharp blue green put a huge crack in his absorbing thoughts.

"He was arriving at gate B, lot 23, parking spot 9," Liam announced out indifferently, "which is connected to Building 8."

"That's not the main building though." The man they came to see mentioned. His voice was low, quiet, and slow, maybe even like he was whispering. It was also a little raspy and yet smooth at the same time.

"I know, but there was no one else around at any of the other buildings and spot 9 was empty, everyone already arrived earlier." Niall pipped in trying to put in his good word of observation and attention to detail.

"Mhm," Liam piped in. “And here are his papers." Liam placed a file on the desk.

The man was about to ask just how they got his information, but then wasn't sure how correct these records of him were anyway. Then he decided it was better to just stay quiet. Besides, they were probably forged anyway.

"Great, oh and Li, can you take the bags to room 3? They brought them here, outside the door, but I don’t need them anymore.”

"Sure, anything else?" Liam asked starting to head to the door.

"No, that's it, you're good for the night," the man behind the desk smiled and moved out from the desk, walking with Liam and Niall. They seemed to be very friendly, like they all hugged and wished Liam a good night, because Niall was coming back. They also talked softly between each other as if they were just so full of secrets, or something.

Liam left and Niall grabbed the bags and headed off in the opposite direction, so soon it was just the two of them awkwardly there for about two seconds or so until the taller one grabbed the file and peered inside.

"Louis?"

"Yeah" Louis admitted. He wasn't planning on saying more than that.

The man's eyes look up at Louis after he whatever was in that file a bit. He lightly tossed the file on the desk and turned to start walking back over to it, turning away from Louis.

"Li and Niall weren't to hard on you, were they?" He asked in a quiet voice, as if they were listening.

Louis was taken a back by this. Why did he ask and or care? "Uh, yeah, I mean, they were fine. I don't know what great things you expect me to say about a kidnapping."

The man smiled and cleared up some papers on his desk. "Sometimes they get so into it and put on a big dramatic show, almost making a game out of it, so I just had to ask."

"Oh. Well. No, in that case, they were fine, I guess."

This was good enough for him. "Good, good, just making sure." He briefly turned around and shut off the light behind him, the room now only getting light from the hall light bleeding into the room. Despite the lack of light, it wasn’t too dark, or even that dark at all. "I'm Harry, by the way." He added in with his back still turned.

Louis’ eyes grew wide. That's who this person was? Louis had heard all about him, Harry was common talk at his building, because he was the leader of such a strong yet small rebel group. Harry must have been the most wanted person in all of England because of all the times he ruined any government effort to get rid of the rebels or enforce any rules after such an apocalypse of sorts (and in Harry's mind, the whole series of events were just the government’s fault). Oh yes, this man, Harry, had been famed for taking out the government's best, even sabotage, and he managed to get away alive every time. With a set of many smaller rebel groups around, Harry and his men were nothing but a bad influence, and the main operation at government headquarters had been trying (since the start) to capture him, or even kill him. And here Harry was, letting a man from the other side see the backstage view of his own operation.

So Louis played around with an idea. Anyone could say they were "Harry." What if they switched roles just then, what if Liam was actually Harry?

"I don't believe you." Louis scoffed. Harry slowly turned around.

"No? Then who am I?"

"Another rebel. Surely that’s it, I mean, you can't be, you just can't be, the leader of the most notorious rebel group out there.”

"Well, why can’t I? Besides, what do you want me to do, lie?" He pressed back quickly, realizing that Niall was probably going to be back any minute to grab Louis.

"Tell the truth." Louis replied coldly, as if he had just captured Harry and he was the one in charge here.

Harry just studied Louis for a second and smiled. "If you don't want to hear the truth then don't ask for it."

Louis wanted to explode because like, what the fuck?

Suddenly Niall waltzed in, as if right on cue.

"Bags all set," he announced and Harry addressed him immediately, looking away from Louis.

"Great, you were taking a while, I was starting to wonder what was going on." 

Niall nodded. "Mhm, I know. Liam got me distracted."

"Per usual, right?" Harry laughed and Niall smiled. Louis was so impressed and surprised Harry could go from 100 to 0 in just two seconds.

"We'll get the questioning done tomorrow." Harry spoke to Niall as he walked past Louis and towards Niall. "It's too late now. What are you and Liam doing tomorrow?"

Niall thought for a moment. "Me and Liam have to check out that abandoned factory tomorrow and check the supply of-“

Harry shifted his head. "That's tomorrow?"

"Yeah, the 19th, I think."

"Shit...then again, I didn't really plan on having company these next few days."

Louis rolled his eyes.

"Well, it shouldn't take that long..."

"It's not that...I just wanted to get those new plans to Spot B before noon on the 21st, but I need any information from the-“

"The one we captured that we can get.”

"Yeah, that's right."

They thought for a moment.

"What about Liam? He knows the factory very well."

Harry looked at him squinted his eyes. "You think Liam can do it alone?"

"Sure, he's just walking around. I would but-"

"I know, you’ll end up with the questioning.” Harry cut in. “If it can’t be Liam it’ll have to be you, which is fine since I don't want anyone else doing it besides you two.”

"Alright, well, that's fine. If I finish with him early we can get started on the plans sooner and then meet Liam."

"Mhm, yes, that's a good idea." They started walking together inside the tiny room. "I might go out with Liam and then come back, we'd have to go back and get him but, start without me if I'm still out." Harry must have been talking about the interrogation of Louis, but Louis really had no idea what they were talking about.

"Sure." Niall replied as Harry made he way back to the desk and sat down.

"Alright you," Niall began taking big steps up to Louis who just eyed him curiously. Did he not have a name? "I gotta get you outta here...not like out, like, leave this place, but like, leave this room, you know, for the night. You'll be back here soon enough, I think, unless we move into a new place, but I don't think that'll happen over night.”

Harry rolled his eyes during Niall's whole address to Louis, as Niall was always like this.

"Good night you two." Harry mentioned when Niall finally led Louis out of the room. Niall said something back but Louis just stayed quiet.

~~~~~~~~

"It's not gonna be like a hotel room,” Niall explained to Louis as they made their was. "More like a basement and a cell put together but with a slight homey feeling."

"Slight?" Louis asked, unimpressed and unsure.

"Yeah, at times. I mean, it doesn't even feel like a cell, more like a small flat, minus a kitchen. Or a place to do your laundry."

Niall was right. The room had a throw rug of a cheap Oriental, some mismatched lamps, curtains of all sorts of fabrics in now faded colors that hid walls with bullet holes and chipping paint. The bed had a mattress on it, and actual fitted clean sheets. Sure, the comforter didn’t match the throw pillows on the bed, but that seemed to be a minor flaw in the whole room, if Louis was going to be _that_ picky (to be honest, Louis didn’t really care). There was a small dresser, night table with a clock resting on it. Louis could actually see the aspects that almost made him think of a hotel; Niall was right. But then Louis noticed the door, specifically, the heavy duty lock, and with the lock on the outside. The door itself had been replaced, a well made heavy steel door. There were no windows, and if they forgot about Louis he could certainly die in there. 

But when Louis noticed his bags, he felt some what better, and was surprised to even see them. His boxes weren’t there, but that made sense. They held weapons and money, so of course they would’t bring him back those. 

"Shit," he breathed as he looked more closely around while Niall turned on the night table light, "where did you even find all this stuff?”

"Good question. It’s stuff we find as we go, but when we can’t stay here anymore we’ll have to leave it all.” 

“Why? Why can’t you take this stuff?”

“We only have the van, we can’t fit everything and making multiple trips can be unsafe. Besides, we found all this stuff, we’re bound to find stuff like this again.”

Louis shook his head. “You’re pretty optimistic about what’s left unclaimed, you know, as if almost everything that’s still out there hasn’t been destroyed.” 

“Well, I guess we’ve just had luck finding stuff,” Niall shrugged, “so naturally I’m going to be optimistic.” Niall was quiet for a second, while Louis waited for Niall to say more, or leave him. 

Soon Niall began again. ”So, we do things early...ish, unless we get a day off or something. Your questionings gonna be a few hours after dawn, so if you could be up by then that'd be great. Also, you're supposed to have a tour at some point if there’s time.”

Louis frowned. “A tour? What for?"

"I dunno," Niall shrugged. "Haz’s orders."

"You call him Haz?”

"Yeah, I mean, sometimes, either that or H. And?"

"He lets you do that?"

"Of course, it's his code name, actually. We have to use it around all foreign officials just to be one the safe side. Just until they've been questioned, even if they already know his name," Niall began, surprised at the stupid questions Louis was asking. "He's not a cold person at all. Or a boss."

"Oh sure, yeah."

"No it's true, he's just the one that knows the most." Niall announced as he walked out of the room, fishing out a huge key ring.

"Alright," Louis shrugged, "I guess you know best."

"Glad you think so. Night!" Niall exclaimed as he then quickly shut the door. Louis could hear the key clicking in the lock and then Niall’s footsteps quieting. The silence was welcomed, but it felt eerie at the same time.

Louis grabbed his bags and started pushing them off to the edge of the small room. As Louis was thinking about it, he was 100% sure Niall was fucking with him. This whole talk about a brand new mattresses, working lamps, oriental rug; this place was just too much. Louis felt like they were all just trying to trick him, so he made up his mind to not let it all get to him. Niall just had to be messing with him, right? Louis ran over to the mattress and hunted for some sort of sign that the mattress was actually new. Eventually, he was satisfied he couldn't anything, just what he needed to prove Niall was lying. Then he felt something.

The price tag was still on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so hopefully now its slightly less confusing.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis wasn't usually the type of person to wake up early, as he was a man of habit, and habit was to always sleep in. But today, he woke up early despite the fact that he went to bed late. Thinking about it, why was he awake so soon?

Louis left his thoughts and got up, looking through his bags, something he was too tired to do the night before.

Originally packed with both clothing and arms, only the clothing remained. Louis wasn't surprised to see that, they'd be rather stupid to not check his bags, and even more stupid if they checked his bags and didn't take out the weapons, and then gave the bags back to him.

Louis changed into a shirt and another pair of tight jeans, glad (and almost thankful) Harry told Niall to bring his bags to his cell. If he ever saw Harry again, he'd have to thank him for that.

He also had some food in his bag that managed to remain, and was able to eat a bit. Soon he was ready for whatever the day brought, especially the questioning, but he had to decide if he was even going to answer any. He could not answer any at all, answer some, answer all, or totally pretend to be someone else.

But then he remembered that file with his name in it, and probably a lot more information. If the documents had the correct info, they could kill his chances of lying. He decided it'd be best just to keep his mouth shut in general.

About an hour or so later, he heard foot steps and stood up. Just as he did, there was a knock on the door and keys jangling. “Louis? You up?” It was Niall.

“Yes, I’m up.”

“Oh great!" 

Louis wasn't sure why Niall was so happy at such an early hour, and having to do this as suppose to sleeping in, but Louis decided that this was probably fun for him, or something. Louis could hear Niall unlocking the door, and suddenly it swung open. 

"I'm gonna give you a tour first, Harry's orders." 

"Why?" Louis frowned, surprised that was actually happening. He'd rather just be questioned, which, to him, was deemed as a useless task (because he made up his mind not to talk), and then get out of there.

Niall just looked at him blankly before shrugging. ”Customs I guess, but I never understood more than that. I frankly wouldn’t offer tours but that’s not up to me.” 

"Are there people even up this early?"

"Some might be. It depends on like shifts and stuff. We'll just have to see. Course, us three work alone, everyone else just shares the space with us and help us if we need it, just like we help them if they need it."

As they started their walk down the long halls, they passed all kinds of rooms. Niall explained to Louis how this particular building worked. Rooms like where Louis stayed were in the basement, regular rooms on the ground floor, and on the top floor were bedrooms, but not for everyone, mainly Niall, Harry and Liam. There were bedrooms on the ground floor, as well as a kitchen with closets turned into pantries full of food. Louis was both stunned and impressed. They moved on.

Louis saw many things. Empty room and full rooms, room of crates and boxes, rooms both empty and full of people. The people were of all ages, and they stared back at Louis blankly with tired long faces.

Up and down stairs and through long hallways, it didn't seem like the three of them had been in this building for only a few weeks; they knew it so well it almost seemed weird, and when Louis saw the rooms full of files and boxes of papers, he knew something was up. It made him feel uncomfortable that this group, a rebel group made up of only three people was so organized and structured, when they were supposed to be the poor ones lacking the basics like clean water, electricity, shelter like the rest of the rebels. It also made him feel nervous, clearly he was being shown this stuff for a reason. Why would they want him to know all this? To fool him?

By the time they made it back to Louis’ room, it was time for breakfast, but Louis opted out. He was feeling worried and rather anxious, and decided to remain in his room until it was time for questioning. Niall just shrugged, closing (and locking) the door. Besides, what if they poisoned Louis’ food?

Alone with his thoughts, Louis tried to remember all that he had just seen. Was the room with files in the basement or on the ground floor? Did they have electricity in the whole building or just the main rooms they used? Did Niall say they had hot water or they didn't? Louis was sure that at some point Niall told him all this stuff, but Louis was so overwhelmed and surprised he couldn't even think, let alone remember. Louis just wanted to get the questioning over with so that he could leave and forget all of this, since he clearly couldn't remember much anyway. His mind was going a bit numb from not eating that much (and from smoking) in such a long time. The one thing Louis didn’t like them for taking were all of his packs and his lighters.

"Louis?" It was Niall again.

"Yeah." Louis responded apathetically.

"You missed a great breakfast. I hope you have enough energy for questions."

"Course I do," he scoffed as Niall unlocked the door and opened it.

"Good, now come on." He gestured to Louis as they began walking, and then took a quick left into another smaller and less nice room. The room was not even a full hallway’s walk from his other one, and Louis wondered why they didn't just put him in this one to sleep in. But then he realized this one didn't have a bed.

Niall brought Louis and himself in and closed the door, not locking it, however. If Louis really wanted to, he could have knocked Niall out and then ran off, but this seemed to be a room they skipped on the tour (so Louis kinda wanted to see it) and with all of the people roaming around by now he'd be bound to get caught. Not only that, but Louis was sure he’d just end up getting lost, if he did attempt an escape.

There was a desk in the room and a few chairs; what looked like some sort of miss matched patio furniture. The room only had one light, giving everything an eerie feeling. The air felt stale and it was slightly too hot, making the air hard to breath. Niall sat on the desk and Louis reluctantly sat in one of the chairs, an uncomfortable plastic deck chair.

"So, you do your work in Building 8, floor 5. What is it that you do there, exactly?"

"Nothing."

"No no, you're supposed to tell me what you do for the government, not make it seem like your mad at me and showing it by being passive aggressive."

"I can't tell you what I do." Louis replied flatly, trying to sound careless.

"Oh, I see. Well, that's too bad. They have that whole "everything's classified, no one can know anything" set up, don't they?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting." Niall responded and scribbled something down on a small pad of lined paper in his hand, which Louis didn’t even knew he had until that moment.

Louis was instantly kicking himself for admitting they did in fact instill a classified policy, because all he was going to do was try and not answer simply pretending he didn't want to, but now that Niall knew that they did indeed have this sort of security measure in place, they all would know Louis was intentionally hiding things.

"Like I get why they do that," Niall continued calmly, "but I think it's kinda stupid. Like what do you think a few rebels are gonna do with that information?"

"Are you kidding? Plans to Spot B? Rooms full of weapons? Surplus of supplies?" Louis spat in a much louder voice than the one he’d been using. 

Niall laughed loudly, the sound bouncing off the walls. "Ahhh, someone was pay attention! Besides those things, do you really think we'd do the government any harm? Like anything actually serious?”

"You have in the past, and I don't trust any rebels, despite what you show me. You people would do anything to take over."

"That might be slightly true, but we're a small insignificant rebel group, and none of us want power either."

Yeah right, Louis thought. That's such a lie.

"Just tell me a little bit about what you do. Or even about the government. Come on, I'll take anything."

"Nope, sorry. It does me no good to help the other side."

Niall sighed crossing his arms, still not giving up. "Please? What if you just tell me, like, pretend I'm harmless, oh, wait, no, that I'm not here, yeah, like you're alone. Ok, ready, go." Niall stood up and moved out of Louis' range of vision and held his breath. Louis was silent for a long time, which wasn't really that long because it was until Niall couldn't hold his breath anymore.

"You're supposed to talk, just do it, I said I wouldn't tell anyone."

"That's just it though." Louis responded turning to face Niall, who seemed shocked to hear Louis suddenly talk in an accusing tone. "You spend your morning with me in here, gathering my classified information, and then you report back to Liam or Harry or whatever, that it all went fine. They ask for what I told you, and you tell them that you can't tell them, because I wouldn't tell you without you promising to be quiet and not say anything. That's not how these things work, you'd be killed or something."

"That's true, I guess...but I was told to say anything in order to get you to talk, so why wouldn't I lie?"

“Exactly. That’s how you rebels play. You play dirty."

Niall thought for a moment. "Uhhh, well, ok, we do, maybe, but we have reasons. Look-"

"Save it." Louis shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you anything. So just stop trying. Sorry." He responded relatively unemotional and totally removed.

Frowning, Niall sighed, and moved to the door. "Alright, well, I tried." Without looking back he quickly stepped out, closed and locked the door. Not sure what his next plan was.

Louis didn't look at Niall when he left, trying not too seem happy he outsmarted him, causing Niall to give up. Louis was sure they had other tricks up their sleeve, and they did. They did.

~~~~~~~~

"We've tried everything, everything! He won't speak!" Liam explained to Harry that evening.

"And I though I could get him, I thought he'd crack so much easier than the other ones. He seemed like it, at least.” Niall added in, trying to make Harry understand.

Harry was leaning up against the wall in his room, which was one of their most popular meeting spots. He was listening closely while the two talked.

"And all of these government snobs always have something that make them crack, some weakness, but he just seems so...so, so-"

"Weird and unusual about it," Niall cut in, "that it makes me wonder if he's really what we think he is…well, I mean, what even _do_ we think he is?”

The both of them were quiet for a second, waiting for Harry to either say something or attempt an answer to that question; Liam and Niall were totally out of ideas.

"No," Harry suddenly said quietly, eyes cast to the floor and it’s falling apart floor boards, "he's just been trained to keep quiet."

"But we've questioned many other government workers before and they all told us something." Liam tried to convince him even more.

"I gave him a tour, a fucking tour of the place, and he can't even tell me what he does or how long he's worked there? He knows that stuff isn't useful, but still! They really don't teach them how to be polite."

Harry smiled and then shook his head. "Of course he wasn't going to tell you what his job is, we've got it in the file, and since he's seen what we've got on him, there's no use in asking him things like that."

"But how was I supposed to start the conversation without asking the usual "so, what do you do?" because asking him anything else is either too casual or too "classified," by his stupid rules." Niall countered starting to get defensive. 

"Start the conversation by getting a better government worker. Too bad there was no one else around that night." Liam huffed crossing his arms.

"Yeah, and like, it’s probably a good thing you can't fire us." Niall commented bluntly.

Harry, meanwhile, wanted to roll his eyes, but didn't. "Oh stop it, let's move on before we waste even more time. We don't have all night.” He cleared his throat and Liam and Niall started listening. "We're getting a new set of plans in a few days, which is going to tie you two up but that should be alright since we're entering a government slowdown now."

"And?" Liam asked, wanting to know more.

"They'll probably outline a new mission, maybe one big one before the supposed cold season, and that means we've got a distraction, and a target."

"What about Louis?" Niall piped in, as if they forgot.

"Don't worry, he'll be off your hands soon."

Niall leaned in towards Harry, eyes suddenly wide. "Are you going to release him?" He asked in a hush voice.

"I don't know yet. Just get him ready to leave by mid day tomorrow with his bags and everything that came with him, near the front where the van is, and oh, I'll need that too."

Liam nodded.

"So, you do have a plan, don't you?" Niall's voice was hopeful.

Harry walked over to the small window in his room and looked out into the clear, dark night. A few stars were out, but they were so far away and dim it was like they weren't really there at all. Harry remembered the days after the "apocalypse" (as some people called it) when the stars just seemed to disappear, until there were no more. People were saying that they'd now have to make their own stars, and they were right.

"I hope I do."


	4. Chapter 4

Louis woke up early again. His mind was too wired while his body felt exhausted all over, making it hard to sleep. He didn't know why though, as he didn't really do anything yesterday and slept pretty well, given the circumstances.

Not really sure what was going to happen that day, Louis changed and got ready, just in case Niall was back at what felt like the crack of dawn like the day before.

It was Liam this time, but Louis was ready for him. Liam seemed a little bit more “down to business" (Liam’s actual words to describe himself and his actions) as he handcuffed Louis and remained quiet for the majority of their walk. This made Louis kind of miss Niall’s talkative personality and more easy going nature. 

Louis didn't ask what this day would hold and kept quiet. He didn't really know what was up until noticed that they were walking right up to the front door. 

"Harry supposedly has a plan." Liam spoke quietly as they passed cracked walls with bullet holes, chipped floor tiles and broken windows. This was one of the longest things Liam said to Louis so far, before they were just one liners: "Louis" or "come." Liam went on. "But it seems like shit to me." He continued, sounding a little bit too honest for himself. Despite this, Louis didn't know whether to believe him or not.

"Well, what is the plan?" Louis asked, hoping Liam would tell him something in preparation.

"I don't even know what it is." Liam replied sounding a little defensive.

Louis wanted to roll his eyes and say, "yes you do, why can't you just tell me?" But he kept his mouth shut.

Things were quiet until they reached the van.

~~~~~~~~

"I think Harry’s lost his mind." Niall mumbled to Liam as they packed Louis' bags into the trunk of the van. "Taking Louis somewhere, alone, with legit no plan, and no clue who exactly he's actually dealing with; he’s gonna get hurt!"

"Or killed."

Niall shook his head and paused from loading up the van. "He's got too much trust...for like, everyone. I mean, poor thing, has no idea of the danger he's possibly in."

“What danger?” Harry asked suddenly stepping in besides Liam. They both stopped short and glanced at Harry with wide eyes.

"Oh, no, nothing, it was just, uh, about, um-" Niall began with no success.

"That new guy from that…“

"That place with the-"

"Building that burned down-"

"A few days ago when…”

“when the gas tank-"

"Exploded-

"From the faulty-"

"Pipe." Niall finished trying to hide his smile, hoping their mishmashed words made up a story that would cover just enough what they were really talking about.

Harry smiled and started walking up towards the front of the van. "I know you're both worried, but I think I got it." He turned around and started walking back towards them. “I understand that it’s weirdly...trusting of me, I know that. But at this point, what more do I have to lose?"

"Your life...?" Niall responded with a slight huff, crossing his arms. Harry just looked at him blankly.

“Well yes, I realize that, of course. And in a way, he risked his life. But since we didn't hurt or kill him, maybe he’ll think twice and tell me something, but there’s no guarantee that he’ll realize how relatively friendly we treated him.” Harry started pacing again, but it wasn't a thing of nerves, and they all knew that, as he wasn't nervous, he was just...thinking.

Niall sighed. “I mean, you can think whatever about him, but like, the one thing I wouldn’t do is trust him.”

“Especially since there’s always the risk that he could kill you.”

Harry rolled his eyes. 

Niall scoffed, starting to get frustrated. ”Oh sure, you dead, yeah, yeah, that'd be great, just fine, if you were just a no one, but you're the most wanted rebel out there, and if he returns to them with you dead, but preferably alive, he'd be set for life. Then they'd find us and kill us, or something.” 

"Mhm, and you're just walking right into his trap. It’s so obvious!"

Harry shrugged, and despite facing them, he looked away, leaning up against the van.

"I at least hope you're going to keep him handcuffed." Liam mumbled, upset he and Niall couldn’t convince Harry.

"Nope," Harry replied quickly, suddenly walking away from the van and heading back inside.

"What? No? Why not?" Niall asked, yelling after him.

But Harry didn’t answer, and Niall and Liam weren’t sure wether he just couldn’t hear Niall’s question, or if he decided he didn’t have to answer to anyone, especially them. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter, because Harry was going to do what he wanted to do, per usual. 

~~~~~~~~

"He must be absolutely crazy." Louis mused after Liam (finally) explained him all of the very little Liam knew of Harry's plan while they stood around near the door, as if waiting for something. Louis was still in handcuffs because Liam said it was protocol when dealing with rebels. That made Louis want to tell him that Niall didn’t bother doing that to him the day before, but Louis kept quiet, deciding not to risk getting Niall in trouble.

"And we told him, we tried to reason with him but no; he's so…stubborn like that."

"Do you know where he's taking me exactly?” Louis asked, not wanting to continue bashing on a man he didn't know (Louis was nice like that).

Liam shook his head and opened the door. He then started walking to the van parked near by. Louis scrambled after him, quickly doing his best to follow Liam’s quick pace. "Nope, and of course we asked. I don't even think he knows himself.”

"Is he crazy?" Louis wondered in a quiet voice under his breath and mainly to himself, and yet Liam managed to hear him.

"I don't think so,” Liam replied in an honest tone, “but at times he just makes no sense, like, at all."

When they made it to the van, no one was around, but as soon as they approached the passenger door, Harry suddenly appeared from out of no where.

"I should probably be back by evening or so,” Harry started, sounding all business and serious. “But don't freak out if I come back sometime tomorrow morning.”

"Ok," Liam responded flatly, sounding like he almost didn’t care. 

"You can start looking at the plans, if you want, but I don't think we can get them in motion until next week." Harry began as he walked over to the other side of the van and got into the drivers seat. By now, Louis was already in the van with the handcuffs still on.

"Do you want us to go to that barn down the street that we found yesterday?" Liam asked, pointing off behind the van. Harry's (and Louis') eyes traveled in that direction, but Louis didn't look long, there wasn't much to see.

"Uh, yeah, if you want to, sure. I haven't been by there yet so I don't know what you might find."

"That's ok, we'll probably just scope it out. We can always come back later."

This was the point at which Louis stopped listening while the two continued on. Louis remembered what Liam said when he cuffed him, about how Harry wasn't going to have him be cuffed, and all Louis could wonder was if that was really true. He hoped it was, because the metal started to burn his skin, especially when he thought about how badly he wanted to be out of those stupid things. Maybe Harry was waiting until Liam left, but in actuality, Louis reasoned that Harry probably realized something in seeing Louis again, worrying him, as if there was something about Louis that caused Harry to think twice about taking off the cuffs. The two never really talked before, I mean, sure, the first night they had about five minutes together, but it wasn’t anything. In all honesty, Louis would have much rather preferred this ride with Niall, or even Liam. But no, they were busy, or something, so it just had to be Harry. 

What Louis realized on that first night was reassured that day, when they got a glimpse of each other for the first again. Louis noticed (he couldn’t help it) Harry's tight ripped jeans and tan boots, the silk patterned shirt that wasn't super buttoned up, the rings, necklaces and bracelets he always wore, (not only that, but his tattoos!); it was as if Harry himself was someone totally different from what Louis had heard all this time, and what Liam and Niall seems to say he was. Someone better and with a great fashion sense, someone that was not who he seemed to be. 

On the other hand, to Harry, Louis was a man of total loyalty to the government. A man whose only source of fun reached a daily high of a cigarette, because no one counted what happened at night. Louis (and even more so what he represented) held extreme power over those who disobeyed, and that's all Harry did. Louis was just a minor player of the governments game (but "lucky" to be on their side). Holding no real importance, he was a number that just filed papers and worked a six hour workday, stuck in a boring life. Easily replaceable because totally useless. And that was more or less the truth for the both of them. But as a person, Louis appeared to be more than what he seemed. There was a person behind the persona of “Louis,” and Harry was, well, a little curious. 

Despite the fact that Harry was curious, he knew he had to be cautious, knowing that too many times he’s trusted people and it’s gone wrong. To many times it’s happened, and once more wasn’t worth it. 

Louis knew that if Harry ever found out about him, he’d just be disappointed once he found out for real what the truth with Louis was, putting all this importance towards Louis, thinking he's a man vital to the system and then it turns out to not fit him, it wasn't right and it wasn't true. Louis wasn’t special and vital to anyone. No one probably even noticed Louis was gone, and if he ever made it back they’d think he never left.

All of this kind of thinking was making Louis worried, and he just wanted to get going so that the ride to where ever could be over with, and he could be shot or abandoned. He just wanted to forget all of this.

Eventually Harry got in the van, closed his door, started the car, waved to Liam, and then drove off.

Two minutes later, when Harry decided they were far enough, he slowed the van down to a halt. Looking around, he was glad there was no one to be seen. He then grabbed a key from one of his jean pockets and unlocked the handcuffs.


	5. Chapter 5

"I didn't think you were ever gonna do that." Louis mumbled, slowly moving his wrists around to get them to stop hurting. Clearly the cuffs were too small and left weird red marks on his wrists.

"A promise is a promise." Harry’s voice was hushed, and he spoke his words slowly and almost in a careful way as he started driving again.

"Yeah, but, who'd you promise that to? Liam and Niall would have totally preferred you to keep me handcuffed."

“I just don’t think it’s necessary. You’re smart and more calm, compared to some of the other ones…” Harry’s voice trailed off. Louis turned to look at Harry, who was watching the remains of the road closely, avoiding creators and piles of rubble while driving cautiously. 

“Liam didn’t seem to think of me that way.” Louis frowned, thinking back to when he just saw Liam earlier. “He seemed all…worried? Paranoid?” 

"Well," Harry sighed, eyes still focused on the road, "they come from harder times."

"Like?" 

"Niall got abandoned by his old group when they took one of the last planes out of here. They could either take their bags or Niall, so they took their bags. They left Niall along the road and took his possessions."

"How? Did he let them?" Louis pressed on, not sure if Harry liked talking about this stuff.

"No, I don’t think so. I only know what little Niall told us, so I'm really not sure what they did to him, but the must have knocked him out, or something, and then left him at the side of the road. He woke up finding himself all alone."

"But didn't he know where they were going, if he was supposed to go with them?"

"Probably," Harry shrugged, "but, at this point, the travel ban was newly enforced, so even if he knew, it wouldn't have done him any good since he couldn't get there. He thought they were going to France, or at least, that's what they said."

"He's not...he's not from here, yeah?"

"England you mean? Right, Ireland. Rumor has it he wanted to go home, but the rest of his friends didn't think that was a good idea."

"Was this when France was still neutral?"

"Mhm, and that's why they all wanted to escape there. They got the tickets off the black market where they had to do a lot of…not nice things, apparently, and when Niall found out he wasn't going to be able to go home, he flipped his shit."

"But why didn't Niall want to go with them? France was safer, I would have gone there."

"Yeah, but his family. He wanted to see them one last time. It still haunts him, to this day, it's like his biggest regret, that he didn't spend more time with them. He tried to get there on his own, but couldn't for whatever reason. While in the process of trying to go home, he met me.”

They both knew what happened and how things happened. Basically, the most powerful countries in the world had their governments taken over by horribly violent people with way too many supporters simultaneously. A few major countries were able to fight them off and become neutral, but it only lasted for about a week or so. Most civilians didn't like the new leaders, and these so called rebels fought them and their rule as much as they could. The rebels didn't know how strong and desperate these rulers were, until they lost almost everything they had. Their towns were destroyed, everything lost or taken from them, and millions killed that didn't support these leaders in the most violent of ways. No one trusted anyone anymore, and when these rulers got the upper hand, the people fighting against them were too weak to continue to fight back. So they had to submit. Meanwhile, the officials, friends of the leaders, were just basking in their power, while those that were still alive either joined their side or fought against them. Some people called this the apocalypse, some people called it the end of the world, some people just called it hell.

"What about Liam?" Louis asked in a quiet voice, and since he learned about Niall, he figured he minus well learn about Liam, if Harry was still ok with telling him.

"Ohhhh Liam. Liam, Liam, Liam. He witnessed his family be killed five feet in front of him by the police. It made major news when it happened, back when there was news." Harry wasn't sure Louis heard of this.

Louis had.

"That was his family?" Louis replied, a bit startled. It was the first major violence against non supporters, and it's started the struggle between the new leaders and the people.

"It sure was, never quiet got over it either, so he's a little bit more uptight, but that's because his whole sense of trust is off. And rightfully so, I mean, watching your family get beaten to death has got to do a lot to you."

"But why didn't they kill him too?"

"They wanted to question him, because they thought he knew something. His family said he didn't know anything. Of course, the government thought he knew a lot of secrets. His family protested, the police took him hostage, and once the police were able to seize Liam, that's when all hell broke loose."

"Did they ever question him?" Louis continued on, probably more interested in this than he should have been.

"They were going to, but he somehow escaped, and ended up finding me. Or maybe I found him…I don’t really remember, but anyway, he's a good mate, they both are, but just a little bit still hurting in their own ways.”

Louis looked down at his hands. Liam’s story rang a bell. He remembered the day the police executed that plan (after they had been watching Liam’s family for months), and how even Louis himself wished for the success of the police. After hearing the other side of things, he kinda felt horrible. Though he wasn't directly related to any of it, he supported it at the time and now felt oddly guilty.

"But did he actually know any information, did he?" Louis asked, hoping it would be a quick one word answer: no.

"Yes, he knew quite a lot."

~~~~~~~~

Louis was conflicted. He felt bad that the police failed to contain Liam and missed getting at his secrets, but then felt bad because of how violent that whole exchange got. Liam’s family, killed, all because Liam somehow found out classified information and wouldn’t willingly be questioned. The governments orders to destroy his family seemed way too harsh and in every way not ok. But back when it happened, Louis didn’t think much of it. Then he started to wonder if he was a bad person for once supporting it.

It was as if his whole sense of emotions were off. He just met Liam and he was feeling horrible? He just met Niall and he felt bad for him? He was feeling something totally different for Harry, but we won't get into that now.

Anyway, they drove on, quiet, with nothing more to say. Louis kinda wanted to find out Harry’s background, but he figured he’d either find that out when the moment was right, or never find it out at all. Louis figured that if he ever made it back, he could try doing some research on Harry, but then he ran the risk of finding himself in the group ordered to destroy Harry, since their work on eliminating him clearly hadn’t gone anywhere. Harry started talking again and this brought Louis out of his thoughts and his eyes from staring blankly at the desolate landscape back to once again eyeing Harry, but not too much of that, of course. 

"I get asked all the time why I do this," Harry began in a very quiet voice, "not just by random government officials I run into. By rebels and groups, people that are alone, hurt, and ready to die." Harry paused while he made a right turn, heading into the remains of a town now just miles of rubble. "Nothings sacred anymore."

Louis didn't understand. "What?" He asked, getting bored and almost restless.

"Nothing," Harry repeated seriously, "is sacred. There's no god I do this for, or thing I'm trying to achieve, I'm not doing this to be a pain in the government's ass or to get at their ignorant little puppets," (Louis didn't know if that was a jab at him or not) "I do this, because I can't do anything else, I can’t give in to them.”

"Of course you can do something else, there's so much that needs to be done.” Louis started to think about all the papers on his desk at work that needed to be filed and the reports of their surplus of weapons that needed to be updated, tons of work unfinished and only loads more of work that lay ahead needing to be done as well.

"Not like that, not like that." Harry had to slow down the van as they were now on dirt roads with massive potholes. "There are some days where I'd just like to be a follower, led under some one else's control so that I would have nothing to worry about."

"Just step down...?" Louis responded, not sure what point Harry was trying to make, if any.

“Niall and Liam depend on me.”

Louis frowned, not sure why he suddenly had to fix Harry’s apparent complex. “Then just stop, stop doing all this.”

“I can’t, because then I’m doing nothing and my restlessness turns me mad, I’d go insane.”

Louis sighed, “I don’t know. If I were you, I’d quit. Just do my own thing.”

“That’s what this started out as, I didn’t want to rebel, I was just trying to survive. Stumbled across Li and Niall and here we are.”

“Are you no longer trying to survive?”

Harry shrugged, eyes looking off and his whole body seemingly more apathetic, “I gave up surviving ages ago.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Living. No one does it anymore.”

~~~~~~~~

If Louis hadn’t lost his mind and was thinking straight, he’d remember what he was told if he ever ran into a high threat rebel like Harry. At the very least, kill him and bring back his head. At the most, bring him back alive, and that was the ideal way of getting rid of Harry, because they could question him and then kill him. Of course, either one was great, and sure, Louis was under no orders to do any of that, but the rewards, the sweet sweet rewards if Louis did. 

Louis would be considered super important, hailed for his hard work and given tons of praise. No longer would Louis have to do his meaningless job, getting to finally be someone. This was his right of passage, so to speak, a moment that he’d been waiting for his whole life, certainly he can’t let it pass him by, he has to do something!

But…it was more complicated than that. There was a sort of stillness and calm in the moment that Louis didn’t want to loose. In a way, he was sort of mesmerized by the whole thing, and something felt different being with Harry then say Niall, and especially Liam. 

Besides, Louis wasn’t obligated to turn Harry in, and he could only just hope that no one managed to find out that Louis was stuck with Harry, had ample opportunities to kill him or at least kidnap him and bring him back, but didn’t. If they managed to somehow find all that out they'd shoot Louis instantly, no question.

That was the number one rule: find any rebels associated or with knowledge about another group or their own individual plans and do everything in your power to get them back alive, but they'd take them dead at this point.

But Louis pushed all that away and tried not to think about it.

"How did you get stuck doing this stuff anyway?" Louis asked as the barren land flew by their eyes. Louis still had no idea where they were going.

"Good question," Harry admitted conversationally, "I guess I was just in the right place at the right time, or, in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

"But you didn't know any of these people, right? Like Liam or Niall?”

"None of them. But I remember when all the violence really started and when it all got bad, a Tuesday, I think, and I just got out of class, English, at Newcastle..."

"Newcastle?! Newcastle University?" Louis asked, suddenly way too excited. He instantly regretted seeming so delighted and emotional.

Harry glanced at him with a confused and surprised expression. "Uh, yeah Newcastle University, why?"

"Oh no, no, never mind, it just sounded familiar. Yeah, I think I had a..." Louis voice trailed off, and his eyes drifted out past his window.

"A...?" Harry edged on, now interested.

"Nothing, nothing." Louis tightened up, while Harry had no clue what he was talking about. "Anyway, I went to Sheffield and I was almost finished.”

"Mhm, yeah, me too."

"Really?"

"Nah, not really, I had like two years left." Harry smirked lightly.

"Oh. Well, still, that's not bad."

"No I know, but look where we all ended up. Totally useless." Harry shook his head, his voice sounding slightly sad, as if missing it all of a sudden. "I can't remember anything from it, not really at least."

"Maybe it'll be useful someday." Louis hummed lightly. Harry just glanced at him, this time with wide eyes.

"You really think that one day that stuff'll be useful?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, if we all remember that we've forgotten." Louis explained, hoping Harry wouldn’t ask him to elaborate, as Louis was rather unsure of what he meant by "someday" and "useful."

"Right, but I don't, I don't think that'll happen for a long time, I don’t know if I’ll ever remember.” Harry sighed and was quiet for a moment, the air felt heavy. "I couldn't even tell you what I was studying."

"Yeah, I, I couldn't tell you what I was studying either." His voice sounded slightly hesitant at first, as if he wasn't really supporting the fact that he couldn't remember. Then Louis' voice sounded disappointed.

Harry nodded, letting silence speak for once. Louis was ok with that, as he was in his thoughts, trying to remember anything he could of his time at university. He didn't get very far because soon Harry started up again. When he spoke, his voice didn’t sound so vulnerable and sad, slightly uptight. "Does any of this look familiar to you?"

Louis’ attention made it back to the world as he watched out his window. The brown, dry dusty land, the fallen trees and their branches seemed dull compared to the half burnt buildings and the piles among piles of rubble and trash. At almost ever building they drove by that was still standing, the windows were smashed and some part of it seriously destroyed. People were displaced along the road in numbers that all varied. They were still as the van drove by, some with eyes watching, or eyes simply closed, slumped upon each other in rags and surrounded by garbage. Most of the people with their eyes open had eyes that were staring but not looking, dead and glossed over, but at first glance to those passing by, alive.

Louis had never seen this extent of misery before, partly because he avoided driving near it and also never really minded those rare instances where he had to drive through it. Louis was used to the emptiness of the land, but not the poorest of the poor watching them with blank eyes as they drove by.

Usually with his sunglasses on, Louis did’t notice the landscape, and if he happened to see something, it didn’t phase him. Now, he had no idea where his sunglasses were so he was forced to look at the surroundings without the shield of his glasses. Nothing was hiding, and the stark, empty, abandoned world started to shock him and make him feel very uncomfortable. 

"No, I haven't been down here before." Louis replied eventually, trying to hide the shakiness in his voice.

"I'm not surprised to hear that. A lot of these government officials avoid these areas."

Louis wanted to tell Harry that that was wrong, that they don't avoid these areas, clearly defending them (and not to mention, himself), as he still felt rather loyal, but deep down inside he knew Harry was right. "Yeah, we don't often come here, but that’s mainly because we don't really have to."

"Mhm," Harry nodded his head. "That's how it always is. 'Don't have to.' I get it, totally do, even I used to be that same way."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I used to just slink by with the minimum, always trying to get the reward of a great achievement while really bullshitting it. I had to learn that that wasn't right, but it took me a while."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You guys don't come here because you don't have to, but you would be if you had a gun pointed right at you. But you don't, so you don't see the other side and what's really happening. Totally absorbed in the little bubble of government safety."

"It's for our own good, they don't want us getting hurt."

Harry sighed and shifted in his seat. “It’s really because they don't want you seeing all this. Who out here is going to hurt you? This land is desolate.”

Louis had to admit that this was true, but he didn't want to. It felt weird, like in the back of his mind something was telling him Harry was right, about everything. Despite this, what Harry was saying (true or not) was going against all that Louis learned and believed in. How could he agree? It would hurt Louis' pride too much.

"They've got a huge drug problem around here." Harry began again, breaking into Louis' thoughts.

"Do they?" Louis asked, trying to sound clueless, as he really knew all about it and was sure he knew more than Harry did about the subject. Part of his side job was tracking this.

"Oh yes, it's one of the worst issues among the rebels, and of course, all the crime that goes along with it. Crazy you're involved in such a horrible thing, and you don't even see the affects of it, yeah?"

Louis was stunned. "How did you know?"

"Liam and Niall." Harry shrugged. "But that's really all they knew and could tell me."

"Well, uh, of course, since I didn't tell them anything."

"Naturally, and honestly," Harry looked left and then right before making a sharp right, jerking the van around a bit, "I wouldn't have said anything either."

"What? Why?"

"Think about it, you're used to an organized, modern and well lived, given the circumstances, life, but then you suddenly get taken, removed from that altogether. Then you're then trapped in a place with people, people who you're supposed to destroy and who you distance yourself from because you believe you're better than them. Welcome to reality. They then ask you to talk and tell them everything vital to you for only their benefit. What's in it for you? Nothing. So why do it? Honestly you'd be nuts to say anything! I understand totally."

What kinda twisted psychology was this? Louis looked at him simply stunned.

"Liam must be right, you are crazy!" Louis breathed, trying to understand.

"No, I'm not crazy," Harry said lightly with a short laugh, "I'm correct, but not crazy. Hold on," Harry pulled over and stopped the van. "I gotta drop some stuff off quick." Harry stepped out and closed the door, leaving a speechless Louis whose next task was to figure out where they were.

They were at a house like structure on top of a hill with the van parked right outside. With no people around and no wind, it felt strange and totally removed. Louis remembered his bags in the trunk and was alarmed to think maybe that's what Harry was "dropping off." Louis got out of the van and walked to where Harry was unpacking the trunk.

Harry was taking out cardboard boxes, leaving Louis' things alone. Louis felt relived to see this. "What are you doing?" Louis asked, grabbing a cigarette from one of his bags when Harry wasn't looking.

"These boxes needed to be dropped off at our other site."

"This is your other site?" Louis questioned, rather puzzled, taking a drag after lighting up. When Harry glanced up at him, Harry looked at him a second longer once he noticed that Louis was off smoking a few feet away from the van.

"Sure is, nice place, isn't it?"

"I guess," Louis remarked leaning against the van. "But isn't it kinda far for a second site?"

"Honestly," Harry began as he carried a box to the front door, ignoring the fact that Louis was smoking and how he hated the smell. “Yes, but it's still standing and is hidden enough that distance doesn't matter."

"But isn't it a little small?" Louis asked, eying the place, still a little surprised.

"Actually, it's way bigger on the inside. We call it the lighthouse." Harry replied with a slight grin, putting a huge box down and trying to avoid breathing in the smoke when he passed by Louis. He was glad Louis was smoking outside and not in the van. Liam smoked too, and it drove Harry nuts. "Even if it might be far away, we can't complain. Days like this, we can't be picky. You can, but I can't."

Louis rolled his eyes. "And there's just another perk of my job."

"Who said we were talking about perks?" Harry replied sounding slightly defensive.

Louis shrugged and slowly removed the cigarette from his mouth as he watched Harry lug another box out of the van. "Just in case you were wondering."

"Oh, well, yeah I most certainly was, for sure." Harry replied indifferently.

"So, does it also come with utilities too?" Louis sniffed sarcastically, trying to find some sort of fault with the place because he was starting to get bored.

"Only water and heat." Harry responded, picking up on what he guessed had to be sarcasm, "But no really, I'm not kidding. You'll have to see it sometimes."

"Mhm," Louis sighed, letting the cigarette butt fall from his fingers like a drying rose petal, before stomping on it and removing its beauty. He then glanced into the trunk to make sure all his stuff was still there, and once he saw that it was, he grabbed a box and brought it to the front of the house where the other boxes were, just like Harry was doing. Why was he helping Harry? Neither of them really knew.

~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later they were on the road again. Five minutes later Louis knew he had to stop being so friendly to Harry or it'd be bad news, for the both of them.

Harry, currently, was going on and on about how they as a group functioned and what role they had, who knew how to do what, and their main goals. Louis hated himself for listening, because he knew it'd be bad for two reasons. One, if he was asked what Harry told him, and two if it turned out that what Harry was telling him was all fake. But let's say that what Harry was telling Louis was all true, and as Harry continued, Louis was sensing that it was all pretty much true.

When Harry stopped talking for two seconds, Louis finally managed to speak. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked glancing over at Louis, slightly frowning. It was now past mid day.

“Everything you’ve been talking about, you know, the groups and stuff. Why are you telling me who does what and how it's run?"

"Should I not be?"

"Well, I mean, yeah, because like, if I'm questioned, I'd have to tell them what you told me."

"Oh." Harry responded, but he didn't sound worried. "Well, if they do ask, you can tell them what I've told you, and maybe then they'd get the correct description of what we do, finally.”

"And that's important how?" Louis sighed, starting to get tired of sitting in the van, with the driving feeling rather aimless.

"It's all about perception. They think you're hearing some top secret information, but in reality, you're just hearing some general facts and nothing too important. But they don't know that, and that's all that matters."

“Ok but what if I tell them what you just said? Then what? We’d figure it out, you'd be on the same page." Louis reasoned, super confused.

"Not really. See, they're so desperate for information that they don't really care. They don’t know the details like what I've just told you. To us, it's all basic stuff, but to them, it's state of the art highly valuable facts. By the time they figure out how elementary the information is, they've wasted their time, letting us grow more advanced and give them more chances to catch up, but only very slowly."

"That's just cruel." Louis huffed, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat a bit, turning his glaze away from Harry.

Harry laughed, which just irritated Louis more, "I think of it as playing fair."

"What do I have to do to get the really secret stuff anyway?" Louis asked, thinking of how much luck and fame he'd get if he found Harry's weakness.

"Stick around; that's all I can say, stick around. You’ll pick it up.”

~~~~~~~~

When they made their second stop, Louis had another cigarette, he just had to

"You really ought to stop that." Harry told him sounding slightly concerned.

"Shit," Louis breathed as he blew out the smoke. "You sound just like my mother."

"Do I?" Harry responded as he shut the trunk. "Liam tells me I sound like his mother too."

Louis gave Harry a puzzled look.

"He smokes too."

"Oh, yeah that's right." Louis remarked as he placed the cig back in his mouth, as Harry told him that at some point during their drive and info sessions. "You must be really motherly then."

"Yeah, I guess so." Harry agreed as he walked over to the side of the van where Louis was and leaned up against it. "But I don't mean too sound too obsessive, I mean, I do it to be helpful, not to be annoying."

"Oh of course, and with Liam, I get that. But with me," Louis walked forward a bit and looked out past the immediate horizon in front of him, "I don't get it."

"What's there not to get?"

Louis took one last look (he didn't really know what he was looking at) and then turned back to Harry. "Why you care about one of us, you know, those evil, manipulative, selfish people; why does it matter to you that I smoke?" Louis didn't mean this to be too harsh, and he could have toned it down, but he decided to just be honest.

Harry thought for a moment, his face blank, but in thought. “Well, I guess in a world where it's so easy and typical, no, expected, of everyone to be mean to those who differ from you, I sometimes choose to do the opposite, you know, to be nice for once. Maybe I do it to help people remember what it used to be like when we didn't try to destroy each other on a daily basis. I mean, can you think of a time where people always treated each other with respect and didn't try to play God?"

Louis shook his head.

"Yeah, me neither." Harry paused, and looked away, while Louis just watched him. "Come on," Harry started back up again, sounding less commanding and official. "We really gotta get out of here."

~~~~~~~~

They drove and drove and drove. Louis didn't know why a van like theirs didn't need fuel or something for such long time on the road, but then Louis remembered they got gas at their…fourth stop? Louis honestly lost count.

In terms of the whole talking and making conversation thing, they both had so many questions they wanted each other to answer, but in that moment, they didn't feel like speaking. They just wanted to know the answers and avoid anymore conversation. Or at least the awkward parts.

Louis was still shaky on some facts about Harry, and yet Louis knew that if Harry was still unsure about Louis, he'd ask and find out the answer. Louis felt he could do that, regularly, with anyone else, but this time it was different; he didn't know why but he felt like that part of him just faded, almost all of his confidence and superiority.

Until Harry spoke up again. "How'd you fall into doing all this government stuff anyway? Like, did they have open positions that you applied for or what? And if so, I missed a sweet deal."

Louis smiled, trying to hide his chuckle. "No, no, I just knew some people who wanted to help me out right after the-" Louis stopped; he was staring to tell Harry stuff he shouldn't.

"Ohhh, so you're a new one of those extra emergency workers only needed at times of crisis. Man, your pay must be sick!"

Louis was speechless. "How do you know about…?” He asked hastily, voice trailing off as he knew he had to stop trying to initiate any topic of conversation that had to do with him. Harry opened his mouth but Louis was faster, "save it, save it, in other times that wouldn't have been a dumb question." He sighed feeling a little deflated.

"I don't think there are such things as dumb questions." Harry smiled a bit.

"Well, you're one of the few. If you don't know the right question at the right time and if you don't have the correct answer when they ask, it's all bad news."

"Why? What will they do to you?"

"Shoot."

Harry turned to him, stunned. "Really?"

"I'm surprised you didn't know that."

"I mean, I do, but not for a worker like you, because that's crazy. The ones that work in real classified stuff and open their mouths too big, but someone like you? No, never."

Louis sighed. "Yeah, it can be hard; there's no sleeping on the job or messing around, unless you're one at the top. Then you can do whatever you want, no one cares."

“Shit, that's insane." Harry announced shaking his head. "I hope this doesn't create trouble for you."

Louis frowned. Why would Harry say something like that? "Uh, thanks?"

"No no, I mean it. If I knew the status on their methods of punishment better I would have spared you some more time, or something."

"How would that have helped?" Louis asked, upset Harry didn't just say he wouldn't take him at all at any point next time, making Niall and Liam hunt for other officials somewhere else, leaving him alone.

"Because you'd be higher in their rank, and you said they let people with higher positions do whatever, so if you’re off doing whatever, there’d be less chances you’d get punished.”

"Yeah, but it doesn’t matter.” Louis paused and looked out his window. "I'd never reach a position like that anyway."

"Why? How can you say that?”

"I'm just a number, one of the people that does the dirty work for the big guys at the top. You know, I’m filing papers, attending boring meetings, doing nothing day after day. I’m not sitting in a high rise having tea every afternoon and paying for things via bags of drugs. I'm not living in the best building or getting to spend any of my free time on anything else besides selling drugs to rebels. Sure, I know a lot about the raids and the attacks, but that's it. Useless, there's a million ones like me. I'm not sipping on wine and watching people get killed from the couch in my living room, and I'm not important to enough to even be at the top, ever."

Harry thought about this for a minute. "But, do you want to be at the top?"

"What?" Louis asked, slightly alarmed at Harry's acute question.

"Is that what you want to be, among the top people, living off of the death of others, using corruption to create the illusion of stability, allowing the complete annihilation of innocent people that do nothing on a daily basis to cause trouble? Do you want to be one of the people that plans a raid where innocent people lose the little they still manage to hold on to? Do you want to be forever controlled by greed, power and control?" Harry pressed firmly with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"...No?” Louis blinked, slightly conflicted, “I mean, when you put it like that..." 

"Then? You’re fine. You're still one of the relatively good guys."

Louis sighed, suddenly feeling the weight of what Harry just said on his shoulders, because he didn’t think he could ever be one of the good again.

~~~~~~~~

"I didn't ask, but now I'm rather curious; where are we going?" Louis looked over at Harry.

It had been ten minutes or so since their last burst of conversation.

"Well, I had to drop some stuff off and check out a few spots.”

"Isn't that stuff you’d be doing with Liam and Niall?" Louis reasoned, unsure why he was needed while Harry did all this stuff.

"Yeah, I guess, but to be honest, they've done enough. Plus, I can't just sit around giving orders, making them do all the work, not only that, but I need a break sometimes, you know, from them and everything.”

“I guess that makes sense. I’d want a break to from dealing with Niall and Liam on a daily basis too.” Louis joked, hoping Harry wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

“Oh yeah,” Harry began after laughing a bit, “it can get bad, we’re all so, thick headed sometimes that it’s good to get away for a while.”

Louis nodded, as that made sense, just like pretty much everything Harry had said. For some reason, the ride, as long as it seemed to be taking, abruptly came to come to a sudden end, and soon, when they arrived at Louis’ building, he wished the ride could be longer, even just a little bit. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Wait, you're..." Louis was stunned. "You're taking me back?" He could not believe Harry was pulling into the lot where Louis car was parked.

"Yeah, and free of charge too." Harry laughed, apparently in a good mood.

"But why? Why let me go back?" Louis asked, glancing over at Harry.

"Well, I don't see why you can't go back, after all, you've told me what I've wanted to know."

"Really? I don't think I've told you anything."

Harry shrugged in his calm and nonchalant manner. "It might not be the information we hoped to get, but it's better than nothing. Plus, it was nice to talk to someone else, someone new. Liam and Niall are great but they know all this stuff and are in the same boat as me, so I guess it's just nice to have someone different for a change."

Louis nodded, he could certainly agree, as it was nice to have a breath of fresh air from all the lack luster people he dealt with daily too.

"I get that," Louis began, thinking, "but aren't you worried about what could happen to you?"

"What do you mean?" Harry frowned, twisting and turning through the many levels of parking garage. Louis was going to ask him why he didn’t just drop Louis off at the entrance, but figured he probably didn’t need to know the answer to that.

"If I get caught sneaking in, and they demand me tell that what happened and what you told me or else be shot, what should I do? Lie?"

"No, no, don't lie, be honest." Harry’s relaxed nature was starting to annoy Louis, like, why didn’t Harry care more?

"But then they'll hunt after you."

Harry rolled his eyes and scoffed. "As if they weren't looking for me already."

"It'll just be worse for you. Do you really want that?"

"No, but then again, the boys at home'll have me shot if I show back up with you. They think you're a government official ready to turn them in too, not just me.”

"That's not far from the truth, honestly." Louis sighed. Harry peered at him for a few seconds before turning back to navigate the well lit parking garage. Louis spoke up again. "But it's more of a title than an accurate job description."

Harry smiled, thinking back. "Yeah, I know, that's why I had Liam and Niall grab someone like you; you weren't gonna come chop our heads off just for being rebels. I mean, you've been talking to me all this time."

"I'd ask how you know I'm somewhat harmless, but that's a stupid question." Louis mumbled quietly, leaning up against the window. "I don't even have me weapons with me anymore.”

"No? I thought Liam brought that bag out…”

Louis looked over at him puzzled and kinda surprised, knowing Harry would be right.

"Take me to your car, I'll help you unpack." Harry explained, and Louis instantly sat up a little bit more.

"Ok, so uh, take a left up here...alright, and then follow this for a bit before taking another left, then it's the 4th car after this next right." Louis began, starting to feel at home already.

When they arrived at the spot where Louis' car should have been parked, it was missing, leaving an empty hole in a huge overfilled parking center. Louis was stunned to see it gone.

"I didn't think they'd move it...I didn't know they did that.”

"Why do you think they did?" Harry asked, eyeing the huge cars around him, feeling a little out of place.

"It was damaged, and I guess they wanted to fix it, but who knows their intentions.”

"Oh well, in that sense, it should be back soon enough, right?" Harry hoped, starting to wondering if Liam and Niall were getting too rough. He'd have to have a talk with them about that when he got back.

"Yeah, but I just hope they didn't trash it, like, when they took it away."

"Why would they do that?"

"If they thought I wasn't going to come back."

“Really?"

"Yeah, they've done it before."

"Well," Harry began as he turned off the van, "send me the bill."

"No no, it's alright. Don't worry about it. Besides, who ever said you had any money?"

Harry laughed, running a hand through his hair. "Good point, maybe I should have been playing it that I'm just dirt poor, then you'd never suspect a thing about me."

"What would I suspect?"

"Success." Harry quickly smiled at Louis before getting out of the van. Louis scrambled after, wanting to know what the hell this man was talking about now.

"That's ridiculous, of course you're successful," Louis began to a Harry already grabbing bags from the trunk like the stuff was his. He seemed to be moving fast, too fast almost, as Louis didn’t think Harry was even capable of moving at a speed like that. Louis wondered if he was in a rush, but Louis didn’t say anything about it. "You're the most wanted, most villainized, most popular, most despised rebel in the whole world right now. Where does that come from? Success!"

Maybe Louis was loosing his mind a little since he was finally realizing just who he was letting go. He should have done something, anything to at least attempt to trap Harry, but he didn't.

"Yeah, and once upon a time I wanted success and attention."

"Really?" Louis peered up at Harry who stopped taking bags out of the trunk for a second, as if needing to pause from unloading the van so fast.

"Oh sure," Harry replied looking past Louis, the other parked cars and the heavy concrete walls of the packing garage. It was as if Harry was looking far away in the distance, way beyond all the destruction and hate, trying to see a world where that did not belong. Then his gaze broke and his eyes fell back to the surroundings, almost seeming disappointed to be back in reality, "but didn't we all?" Harry’s voice was low, and almost a whisper, as if saying it more to himself than Louis.

Louis carried on the conversation, although not sure where it was really going anymore. ”I guess, but man, how you lucked out, it's one thing to be a rebel, but another thing to be a wanted one. The most wanted one."

Harry over at Louis before walking back to his side of the van looking at the parked cars around them. “It's not as great as it seems, danger is always a risk. Some rebels get bribes with big money to trap me, and I don't know that that’s what they’re up to until it's too late."

"Has that ever happened?" 

"Yeah, a few times."

"How've you managed to get out?" Louis asked, oddly captivated, but Harry was less stunned at this reality.

“It would ruin me to tell you. But if we somehow end up together again and there's bad news coming right at me, you’ll figure it out.”

~~~~~~~~

"You sure this will be ok?" Harry checked one last time, just as he was about to get into the van and take off, leaving Louis alone with his things.

Louis' bags were in his parking spot (where his car should have been), and Louis had to figure out where all this stuff was going to go now that he was back and how he was going to reemerge himself into society.

"It'll be fine, I can't make it seem too easy."

Harry nodded, getting into the van. ”Alright then. Well," Harry closed the van door, but cracked his window. "It's been fun."

"Mhm, sure has." Louis replied back with not really any emotion, not fully understanding that he might never seen Harry again.

Harry watched Louis organize his bags and make sure they were closed and sorted, put where Louis needed them to be. Once he started the van, Harry didn't drive off right away, waiting to see if Louis would look up again, and then they could have a proper goodbye. But Louis just kept looking down focused on his bags, and soon Harry noticed it was getting to be almost sunset. Harry slowly backed up and drove off, leaving Louis right where they found him. 

~~~~~~~~

They all thought Harry killed Louis or something, and when Harry told them he brought Louis back to his building, they would have killed Harry instantly, if they could have; man were they disappointed.

"You're fucked, we're fucked-" Liam began annoyed.

"I'm fucked." Niall pipped in, not happy either.

Harry leaned against the desk in his room, not looking at either of them, just listening and thinking.

"And to think that you'd get answers, just something, anything! Of course not, something like that's too perfect, it wasn't going to work." Liam huffed, frowning.

Liam and Niall expected Harry to say something back, but he was quiet, weirdly quiet, and they could only stare at him when no answer came firing back.

But eventually Harry spoke up very softly, "I got him to talk, no answers, but that's better than nothing. Plus, we left on good terms. I don't think he'll bring it up."

"Good terms?" Niall scoffed.

Harry shifted. "Well, more like mutual respect terms. But that doesn't matter, he didn't seem to have any interest in telling anyone or capturing me. He had plenty to worry about, and we weren't one of his worries.”

"Not now at least, but the second he finds out more about you he'll get your head on a platter, then he’ll come for us.”

"Oh please," Harry rolled his eyes, "I'm pretty sure he found out enough to make him want to turn us in the second he got here but he didn't."

"Not yet, it’s called coming back with reinforcements.” Liam mumbled.

"Look, if anything happens, I'll take full and total responsibility for it. It was my idea; I sent you both out, had you show him the place and talked to him. If anything goes wrong it'll be on me. Ok?"

Even with a deal like that, Niall and Liam didn't feel much better.

"I just hope we won't have to deal with him again, it's so stressful, and we didn't even get anything out of it, so not worth it.” Niall sighed, suddenly getting bored of this.

“Honestly, we'll probably never even see him again." Harry replied slowly, straightening up from leaning against his desk.

“We better not see him again,” Liam breathed, starting to head for the door, “because then he’ll really get us.”

~~~~~~~~

They were busy, busier than ever. There was so much to do before the cold set in (if it was actually coming, as they could only guess they were heading into the cold season) and time was not on their side, per usual.

The three of them had to pack boxes, find more food and clean water, wash clothing and dishes, figure out new trails and routes, load up weapons, locate their supply and find new locations, just to name a few tasks.

With all of this to be done, soon a week went by, then three weeks, then a month. During that time there was, of course, no Louis. Harry didn't dare bring him up, and Niall and Liam must have forgotten him, Harry assumed. Things were back to normal like before.

Their current location, the beat up church, was too drafty to host a winter out of it and yet too hot for a summer. The other rebel groups that "rented" space in the church left; all the people who worked with lighting, heating, and running water took down their pipes and cables. The church's running water was cut, and soon everyone began to totally erase the idea that people ever took up residence there.

Few months later, when the nights no longer matched the hot days and the air felt crisp, Harry headed out, explaining to Liam and Niall that he needed a break. 

Harry didn’t really know where he was going, but since he had the van it didn’t really matter where he ended up, as long as he came back to Liam and Niall. He figured he’d just stumble upon some remains of a building or house and call that home for a few days or so, not too long because it’d make Liam and Niall nervous. Not only that, but they had some sabotaging of government forces to get to and Harry didn’t want Niall and Liam to do it without him.

By the time Harry found a place it was almost dark out. The place, a tiny little house that was pretty much still intact was perfect for what Harry needed it to be, a place to clear his head, an escape. Sometimes Liam went off for a while and even Niall took some time. One of them going away for a few days was just part of it all, no big deal.

The little house had a bed but no sheets, Harry brought sheets, a stove, but Harry was going to make a fire, functioning cabinets in the kitchen but no food, Harry had food. Essentially, the little house was the skeleton, and Harry was well prepared. 

After tiding the place up a bit (and eating a little), Harry headed to bed. Tired, yes, sleepy, no, which Harry didn’t like and understand but didn’t really know what else to do. Sleep wouldn’t come but Harry wasn’t surprised. He normally couldn’t sleep much anyway. 

So Harry’s mind drifted and he found himself thinking of all the items filled inside boxes and bags they’ve lost with things they now no longer had anymore. It was all really nice stuff too, and even Liam and Niall had things of their own packed away, and when they first met each other they all pooled it together. There was Niall's guitar, Liam's sneakers (that cost way too much), and even Harry's books and some of his mother’s best China. He remembered the day when they all put that stuff in some basement of some building for safe keeping, back when things were hopeful. They thought that in a month they'd get all that stuff back again because surely in a month things would be just like normal and these items would have a place in the world.

It’d been two years.

Later, when they tried to find the building they left their stuff in, the building had been burnt, and, they were told by some passing rebels that had witnessed the fire, that boxes and boxes (of not only their stuff, but of other people’s) had been stolen prior to the arson. 

Harry didn’t want to think about that anymore, but it wasn’t easy to get out of his head. Suddenly his eyes wanted to close despite his mind racing. It would take some time before Harry finally could sleep, and his thoughts continued to haunt him until then.

~~~~~~~~

Usually, Harry's an earlier riser but with two exceptions: late night heists and no one else around him to expect him to wake up early.

That last one sounded kind of silly, but it was very true. With Liam and Niall around, he got up at an hour after dawn every day, even weekends. He did it because that's what was expected of him. He was supposed to be the smart one, the one with a good head and common sense. He called the shots and if the shots commanded everyone else to get up early he thought he had to be the example. He created this picture of him and he felt he had to live by it. It was a perception he had to fulfill constantly. Curse him for being so loyal! To be honest, he hated it, and regretting making himself seem so great, but no one could know that.

Anyway, since no one was around, he didn't feel like total shit when he woke up and it was almost midday. His neck was sore from the position he slept in, and his back kind of hurt as well. 

As Harry got dressed, he realized how much he missed being able to sleep in. He also realized how much he missed being able to do nothing; to just take a day off from the world. When he could grab a coffee and look out from a window and watch the raindrops slide down past him. Days where he could just drive and drive and end up getting lost in the unknown and the freedom that represented. He then thought about how he'd spend hours and hours on ends with his friends and family, how he missed his older sister too much and his mum as well. Harry remembered people laughing and coming together for the holidays, the way the cold air used to excite him for all the promise of winter, and how warm he felt all over when he'd hold the hand of the one he loved. The way it felt waking up next to someone and those sleepy sleepy kisses, leading up to the time when they'd meet each other's parents and-

There was a knock on the door. Harry arrived back into reality and felt dizzy for a second. He fished buttoning his shirt and quickly pulled on some boots. His mind was still fuzzy from his day dream, and he didn't think to grab something to protect himself with just in case it was a "bad guy,” even though if it truly was a bad guy they would have stormed the place, screw knocking.

Harry rushed to the front door and opened it, expecting Niall or Liam, maybe there was a problem, maybe something happened. Why would they go find him? That wasn't the smartest thing to do.

His eyes grew wide as he recognized who was at the front door, and it took a good second or two. It was Louis.

"Sorry," Louis began quietly when Harry just stared at him in surprise. "I don't mean to impose."

Harry shook his head because his words weren't working yet.

"I know it seems weird and probably silly that I'm here right now, but I had to come find you."

Harry didn't like how anxious he sounded, although Louis wasn't really anxious at all.

Louis was, however, a little worried that Harry wouldn't listen to him, or even want to see him again.

But at the same time, Louis forgot how tall Harry was and Harry forgot how blue green Louis' eyes were.

Louis was wearing those tight pants again but he had on a sweatshirt. His hair seemed damp and Harry could smell the vanilla, plus the melon or mint or lime or something, not cigarette smoke.

"It's ok," Harry began slowly, as if waking up for real this time. "Come in, come in," he offered, stepping away from the front door and letting Louis enter. "I would have cleaned the place," Harry began as he took Louis past the small kitchen and into a room where there was a small couch with one of the cushions missing and two folding chairs in the corner. "But I didn't know I was having company."

"It's ok, I didn't except you to expect me." Louis reasoned, trying to not get too distracted by the inside of the little house.

Harry leaned up against the wall, a section where there wasn’t a ton of peeling paint. Louis remained staring, eyeing the bullet holes near the only window in the room. 

Just as Harry was about to open his mouth, Louis spoke, his words coming out fast and slightly too loud for Harry still trying to wake up. “They’re planning a raid two miles from your church at the old storage plant three Fridays from now."

Harry thought deeply, eyes squinting a bit to understand. Louis waited quietly knowing Harry wouldn't believe it, but Louis wasn't lying.

"The old storage plant? Two miles from our church and three Fridays from now? The old storage plant…? Really?"

"Yes." Louis replied firmly, knowing Harry didn’t seem gullible but hoping Harry would believe him.

"But didn't the old storage plant have tanks? Like government tanks?"

Louis tilted his head and looked at him puzzled.

"No no, I'm thinking of the smaller one. Are you talking about that big one with the half missing roof?”

“Yeah yeah, that one.” 

"What?" Harry’s voice sounding slightly startled, "they want it back?"

"That's what the raid is for."

Harry pondered this for a moment. He knew that a few months ago some rebels kicked the gov forces out by out numbering them ten to one. The rebels now used the space to hold food and supplies, but not just any rebel could just waltz in, as no one trusted anyone. To the government, the space was a base they used to monitor rebel actions. Without the space, rebels in that area had less to worry about. "How do I know you're not just making this up, or that they sent you to get me to go along with it so that you can arrest me?"

Louis didn't like Harry saying that. "Here," he sighed, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket, "the official orders."

Louis watched Harry's green eyes scan the paper, carefully going over each letter and corner to make sure it was legit. Harry flipped it over and saw the official stamp of the government, a symbol he was familiar with as it was on many signs and broken windows that the rebels regularly ignored.

Harry's gaze made it back to Louis and they watched him for a second. "Why are you doing this?" Harry asked softly, eyes glued to Louis.

"Because I knew it would affect you, and like, you helped me, so, I guess this is me giving back."

"I helped you?"

"Uhh, yeah, I mean, you didn't hurt me or anything. Actually, I was thinking about it, you didn't treat me horribly and you brought me back with all my stuff and I guess it just really surprised me."

"A little kindness surprised you? What were you expecting?”

"Worse, a lot worse. There's those horror stories from other people who got kidnapped by rebels and every time someone makes it back alive they tell a similar story about how they were nearly killed and hurt constantly, but you didn't treat me like that at all, so, this is my thanks."

Harry knew Louis was right about the other rebels, and thought about how much more progress everyone could make if they weren't so mean to each other. Harry was going to say something about that but Louis spoke up again.

"I just felt I had to warn you. I snuck out by saying I was going to make a round or two, but I came to look and see if I could find you. I didn’t know where you guys would be so I just started driving. I recognized your van out front so I knew it was either you or one of you."

Harry probably knew he should be creeped out by the fact that Louis found him, but he wasn't, not really at least. Harry handed to slip back over to Louis who took it back and put it in his sweatshirt pocket.

"It must be the cold weather approaching, which is making them want more space available just in case they need to re locate or something." Harry explained reasonably.

"Yeah, and they're getting worried about the rebels not launching any wide spread attacks; they fear they might be planning something, and a raid would throw the rebels off indirectly, at least set them back a bit.”

Harry thought for a moment, trying to remember if he and the boys were indeed planning something. "I'm not planning anything."

"Really? Don't you always have something up your sleeve?"

Harry laughed, "that's true, but in terms of something widespread and dangerous, we haven't done one of those in months. Mainly its just been little things, set some cars on fire, trash some government building, steal food and clothing is what we've recently done." Harry looked up at Louis, who looked a little impressed but continued. "Like I said, we’re doing little things right now.”

"I don't think any of that stuff's little. I mean, it's just the three of you, how do you even do it all?" Louis asked, amazed, unfortunately.

"Well," Harry began as he stopped leaning against the wall and started walking around slowly, "it's not easy, but Liam and Niall are the best. Sometimes we have help but we can't exactly trust everyone. Rebels even, not just people like you."

Louis didn't like this "people like you" statement but he didn't argue; he knew it was true. No one could trust anyone anymore, and in regular situations, no one should trust him.

"You still in building 8?" Harry asked suddenly, glancing over to Louis, who was still standing where he was.

"Yeah, why?"

Harry shrugged, taking a few more steps. "I dunno, might be helpful one day. Then again, they could change your residence instantly, but for now, at least."

Louis nodded, trying not to get freaked out by the fact that Harry sometimes knew more stuff about Louis’ situation than Louis did, but that was just a part of it. “Yeah, for now, at least.”

~~~~~~~~

"They never do raids at that time of night, I don't think it'd be that easy."

Liam, and Niall were in Harry's room at their new location (an old factory) obviously discussing Harry's news of the raid.

He came back from the little house that day, after staying two days post Louis' visit to him and the house.

"Why do you think they'd raid that plant? I mean, we checked it out like three days ago it was empty, the people that kept the food and supplies there gone. It's not like they're gaining anything."

"No, but think about this," Harry began, “they want to scare us with their presence. It's a plant right in the middle of one of the spots with the most rebel activity, they take it back while everyone's asleep, plant a few spies, and have us all shot in two days."

Liam looked at Niall, who looked back at Liam, and then they both looked at Harry.

"You really think that's what they're up to?" Niall asked, not really sure what to think.

"Course I do, that's got to be the reason since everything else I've thought of doesn't add up as nicely. Plus, they want to start cracking down on us, I know it, and this is the first step in doing so."

Liam wasn't convinced. "They've raided buildings before, but nothing's ever happened to us. I understand what their goal is but I just don't think they'd get it done like this."

"Liam's right," Niall piped in, "they'd never try to get at us by drawing attention to themselves, because it'd be too obvious what they're trying to achieve."

"But that's the point, they want to create confusion and get closer to us with a raid a few miles from where we are. Then they can start appearing and watching us. With a centrally located base guarded with arms and an abundance of men, they could wipe us out in two days flat. They want to get it done before the cold weather."

"They do? They usually strike in the cold because we're we most vulnerable then."

"That's what he told me, and plus he told me-"

"He?" Niall interrupted, focusing on the wrong thing. Harry looked at them and quickly shut his mouth.

"Don't tell me you-" Liam began.

"Did you really?"

"What are you guys talking about?" Harry tried to ask but the two ignored him.

"Of course he did."

"No way," Niall shook his head, "I don't believe it."

"Oh I do, because like, who else would have given him that information?"

“No one."

"Exactly."

"You guys are insane." Harry sighed.

Niall and Liam stopped and looked at him.

"You do know who we're talking about, right?" Liam asked Harry quietly.

"Of course I do, but you guys are too scared of him to say his name; you're talking about Louis."

Niall gave a slight gasp at his name and Liam's eyes grew wider as he started at Harry, shocked.

Harry peered back at them, stunned. "You've lost it, absolutely lost your minds."

"No," Niall began with a smirk. "You have."

Harry scoffed, crossing his arms. ”How?"

"You're the one taking advice from a government official about how to sabotage one of their own missions!" Niall explained seeming slightly pissed that Harry couldn’t see how own stupidity.

Niall was right though. Why was Harry so gullible, believing what Louis said was true? Sure, Louis showed him the official order forms and didn't seem to be lying, but he could have been pretending, and the official forms could have been forged. Harry was never this willing to take up advice on how to do his “job.” Harry was rational, always totally sensible. Why now did he fall for whatever little plan Louis came to him calling true? It didn't make sense, and for a second, Harry was nervous. Was he loosing it? Had he gone mad? But no, none of those things. He must have been still a little jumpy from Louis' visit. After all, it caught Harry off guard as he wasn't prepared. Also, he realized that he trusted Louis more than the rest of them, and that was because he was there when they talked. Niall and Liam only knew the quiet Louis that didn't tell them anything and of the Louis they captured. Harry knew a much different Louis.

Harry leaned up against the wall and tilted his head back, not sure exactly what to say. Would they both walk out on him if he told them he had already thought of a plan to counter the raid? Maybe this was a bad time.

But, on the other hand, Harry knew that they'd never want to speak of Louis again after today if by some chance Louis did happen to be wrong. I mean, they probably didn't want to talk about Louis if he was right because they still wouldn't trust him, but maybe, just maybe, Louis was right and this would win over Liam’s and Niall’s trust.

"I have a plan." Harry announced slowly, "to counter the raid."

Liam shook his head. "We would just be killing ourselves, when they do raids, they bring their whole fucking team. It's three to like thirty. There's no way."

"Yes, but what if I told you we weren't fighting them directly, and we would use explosives planted in advance.”

"You're gonna blow up the place they wanna raid?" Niall frowned puzzled.

Harry laughed, breaking the tension. "No no, come on, trust me, it's not a plan like that."

Niall and Liam weren't sure, but after a little bit more back and forth, Harry some how managed to convince them to go along. Harry was good at that.

~~~~~~~~

"If Louis is wrong, things are not gonna be good for him.” Niall whispered to Harry as the three of them hid behind a huge pile of ruble, watching the road for the caravan of cars from government.

"So we wasted a night and some explosives, I told you," Harry hissed, trying to stay quiet, "that I'd take any blame for this if nothing happened."

"What if it doesn't happen in our favor. What if we get caught? Will you still take the blame then?” Liam snapped sharply.

"Yes, I'll take the blame there too." Harry huffed, frowning. He didn't like all the blaming going on. Back in the beginning, they were happy to work together and loved to get in the way of "official business." Now it seemed that Liam and Niall could care less about sabotage and more abut basic survival. Harry's mind was stuck believing that one good blow to the over arching forces would return all good back to the world, and get rid of the stupid American government system that was taking over, but I digress.

It was late. Soon an hour had gone by. Harry was just hoping Liam and Niall would stay quiet so that he wouldn't have to dish out excuses and take the blame for even more things. Then he was worried that they'd go back home, sneak out when he wasn't looking. If they were pissed at him and almost asleep, they'd do it.

Just as Harry himself was about to call it off, he saw headlights coming down the pothole filled road, and the headlights were those bright LED ones that only the government officials of the highest rank used.

About three cars came barreling down the road very fast, all very close to each other and packed to the brim with men ready to begin the raid.

They drove past the three boys hiding on the way to the plant, and when they were close enough but not too close to the building, the mines underneath the ground went off, and all three cars were destroyed in massive flames. The plant remained untouched.

Harry leaned back from his lookout spot and peered at Liam and Niall with a slight smirk.

"That fucker was right!" Niall breathed, trying not to sound too happy.

"I guess so." Harry replied back trying to hold down his remakes about how he was right and no one trusted him. "But who knows, maybe he made it up and at the last minute it became true."

"No way." Liam shook his head. "They meant business, and I guess they really wanted that plant back."

Harry nodded, watching the three cars burn right in front of their eyes. It was a nice sight to see, a successful hit on a huge plan of theirs, but it kinda gave him weird feelings about Louis, and the fact that he just killed some people, but oh well about that last one.

Now that it was true that Louis was right with all the information he told Harry, Harry couldn't help but wonder why would Louis have told him this, besides showing his thanks. Did Louis want to help Harry? It's not like they were working towards the same goal or something. They were supposed to be against each other, what was Louis doing, and why?

Harry's eyes got tired of watching the destruction continue, so he stood up slowly and looked out past the flames. Niall and Liam watched Harry silently, and when Harry turned around and started walking back to their van parked a few feet away, they scrambled to their feet and followed him.


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't care that we're low on rations, we can't afford to risk getting caught, not ever, and especially not now." Harry replied to a hopeful Niall, once excited to go out and make a few rounds with Liam. Maybe look through some abandoned houses or cars and see if they could find anything good. They did these runs every once in a while when there was nothing else for them to do, and both sides were quiet, meaning that it was safe, for a bit, at least.

"But it'd just be me and Li, come on, you know it's been months since the last one."

"No," Harry replied firmly. "There's a much bigger government presence at night, and they've been ruthless on rebels lately."

Niall gave Harry a puppy dog face and a pout at the same time, but Harry remained sensible.

"I know, I know, I want you two out of here and looking for trash too, don't worry."

"Hey!" Niall responded, clearly offended. "That's so not nice, you know we always bring back more than just trash.”

"Sorry, but you know it's kinda true, right?"

Niall nodded reluctantly, still frowning slightly.

"Plus, you could guys could get hurt, and without you both I'd be screwed, not to give you the 'selfish' reason or anything."

"No of course I understand. But all of the government activity makes me wonder if you still think we should start looking for a new place.”

"Of course I still think we should, we don't have a choice. It's your turn to pick a new location because Liam picked this place. If we stay in one place to long it-”

“Looks suspicious.” Niall rolled his eyes. “You're always one step ahead of it all."

"I guess so, but I mainly always feel two steps behind."

Maybe Harry was right, maybe he was wrong, but it didn’t really matter, honestly. They all knew that things were only going to get harder as time went on and things like food and safe shelter ran out. Maybe that was the only thing they really had figured out.

~~~~~~~~

"They're going to bomb that building, the one right near that dried up river."

"No way, that's way too big of a job."

"They don't care, they're doing it."

Harry was out picking through the remains of a car fire for extra parts among a few other rebels. Out of all the things he found himself doing recently, it was one of the things he hated to do the most. It was a really dirty task and totally unsafe; digging through metal and rubber covered in still highly flammable materials all for a few screws and a sturdy piece of plastic or something, so not worth it. But, they couldn't risk not attending these events as to what some people were able to find from them. Diamond rings, gold teeth, clean water stored in hefty water bottles, just to name a few, all three took their turn and today Harry had to do it.

While digging, he realized he should have put his hair up in a bun or something, its long strands were always in his face, and he didn't exactly want to run his fingers through his hair since they were so dirty. He made a note to himself to look for hair ties if he ever managed to finish looking through this pile of junk without giving up first.

Harry would have been totally absorbed in is thoughts (usually, the other rebels talked nonsense and didn't really know anything worth sweating over), but then he heard one of them mention a government building he knew of more closely than just its name. Building 8.

His thoughts quieted down immediately.

"They say they've got enough explosives it'll set off an earthquake, and with that much damage hopeful those stupid officials will finally get the point!" One rebel was telling another, and they were just a few feet away from Harry. Their voices were quiet, so Harry had to really strain to hear them now that he realized he actually wanted to listen.

"When's it all supposed to happen?" The other one asked, sounding a little paranoid.

"Tonight, at an hour or so from midnight. Latest, midnight. Everyone's buzzing about it so much, it's just crazy how-wait, is that the same kinda screw I found a second ago?"

Harry rolled his eyes, he needed to know more, and they were the only ones around who seemed to fit into the "everyone's buzzing about it" category.

"I think so, those tiny ones with the long neck?"

"Ya ya, those ones, good, look, we almost got a complete set."

They were quiet for a minute, only the rustling of their hands searching and their breathing could be heard, and yet Harry stayed focused on them, mentally begging them to say another word about this explosion.

"There's supposed to be a big party tonight in that building they’re gonna bomb, so everyone else from the other buildings are gonna be in the same place at once. Isn't that just perfect? They're going to nail everyone from the other buildings all at once too.”

"What's the big party for?" The other one asked.

"I dunno, whatever they feel is good enough to celebrate. Seems to me like they party every fucking week. Hey, did you check behind this door over here?"

"No I didn't, I couldn’t lift it.”

They made their way over to the door, which was about five feet from where they were and started chatting about nails and hammers.

Harry remained waiting. He was done looking through the mess and was ready to leave, but he wanted to know more, much more. He still had a lot of questions and his mind started to race. He tried to remain focused just incase one of them said anything else of important.

But after ten minutes or so went by, Harry noticed the two men slowly walk off, carrying ripped bags full of burnt car parts with them. One of them was limping, and the other had layers of cloth wrapped around his left arm. Dressed in dirty clothing full of holes, Harry knew they had to be rebels just like himself as supposed to those government agents planted to trick rebels. It kinda hurt Harry to watch them walk off, seeing just how badly they were scraping by, but he couldn't offer them anything they'd willingly take. Harry learned that lesson too many times, and with no gun on him, he was at their mercy. All he could do was secretly thank them for their information, and he knew just then what he was going to do.

Go to Building 8 and get Louis.

~~~~~~~~

Driving as fast as he could (which wasn't very fast because the van was the definition of problematic), Harry made it back to the old factory (aka, their new base) with no time to explain.

It was nearly sundown and that meant that he only had a few hours. Driving to Building 8 would certainly take up most of the night, let alone remembering how on earth to get there. Then he had to get Louis, convince him, somehow remove him from the party and take him away, without drawing attention to either of them and do it all before anything went off and exploded. Then he had to figure out where to take Louis and himself for the remainder of the night, because it wasn’t safe to drive long distances in the dark.

But he could only focus on one thing at a time, and the first step was getting to Building 8.

Harry burst into his room and almost crashed into a diligently working Liam, folding clothing.

"What are you rushing around here so fast for?" Liam asked Harry calmly, not looking up from his pile of clothing. "Is the world ending again?"

"No," Harry breathed grabbing some his clothing into a bag just in case. “But you're close."

"Ohh, ok, let me guess; you've found gold." Liam remarked sarcastically, counting the pants he folded so far. 

"No."

"Ancient ruins?"

"No. Liam. Look-"

"Hold on," Liam stressed, thinking for a minute. Harry sighed. "You've found food, at least? I hope."

Harry stopped to looked at him and would have totally said something back if he wasn't on a time crunch.

"Where's Niall?" Harry asked, changing the subject, hoping Liam would stop wanting to know.

"Probably on his way back from locating a clean water source, why?"

"When he gets back, tell him I'm going to the lighthouse, I think, for a week or so."

This was when Liam finally looked up at Harry.

"The lighthouse? But didn’t you just take your break and-“

"I know, I know, but I need to go there for a week, at least, just tell Niall that I had to do it now. Please."

"Ok, I'll tell him," Liam began with an unsure tone of voice, “I just hope you're ok with those bridges remaining open for a week more."

"What?" Harry asked totally confused, trying to locate his pair of tan boots. Not the black ones, he needed the tan ones. "What are you taking about?”

Liam crossed his arms and turned away from the still huge pile of unfolded clothing. "The bridge two miles from here, the main one that the government uses. We were gonna blow it up sometime next week but with you gone we can't."

"Oh oh, that bridge." Harry responded blankly, becoming more aware of what exactly he was giving up to do this. "I thought we set that for next month.”

Liam shook his head. "No, you wanted it sooner, _your_ orders."

"Shit," Harry breathed as he ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry, I didn't know-something came up and now I can't seem to find my-"

"Your brown boots are in the laundry room." Liam breathed effortlessly, picking up the already folded clothing and placing them on a stack of cement blocks.

"Thanks, you're the best." Harry replied with a smile as he grabbed his bag of clothing and started heading to the door.

"You better tell me what this is all about, ok?" Liam yelled right after Harry made it out of the room.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry shouted back, "I'll tell you once I know myself what I'm doing."

~~~~~~~~

Empty roads that held no promise slowly brought Harry where he needed to be, Building 8.

Arriving at least thirty minutes before sunset, Building 8 looked more menacing then before, and Harry had to be on alert to make sure that no one was sneaking up on him. If he got caught here it was game over; bad news.

Harry also didn't like how huge it appeared now that he was really looking at it. He parked a few blocks away from the infamous parking garage and then walked to the building, knowing that any kind of car pulling up to it would generate more attention than a person.

Building 8 was the tallest of the buildings still standing, and with only a few hours to go, Harry had to figure out where Louis was in that huge tower and then make him come down.

Harry contemplating trying to enter the building like an official, but that was risky, they were probably always on the watch for Harry trying to sneak in and then they’d catch him immediately. 

If only Louis could somehow notice Harry outside, but to be able to see Harry, Louis would have to look out a window and see him. What if Louis forgot Harry? It's been at least four months since Louis showed up telling Harry about the raid, who knows what could have happened in between all that time.

What if Louis moved to another building, or went to bed early? What if he didn't even go to the party? What would Harry do then? He couldn't just stay outside circling the building for the rest of the evening, trying to look through windows and find Louis, others would notice him and get suspicious. Harry wished he knew what floor the party was on so that he would at least know where to look. But no, he didn't know anything.

One thing that started to worry him was the lack of excitement in the building. He knew what these party's consisted of (because they were almost always the same) and there seemed to be nothing going on in this building at all. Rooms looked dark with lights off and it was quiet, too quiet almost, as if the building and the land around was deserted, no signs of life.

"Fuck.” Harry thought to himself, realizing that the other rebels could have been totally wrong about this whole thing. There could be no party or bombs, and Harry flew out there making this big stink, but really, making a big mistake in his position of power causing Niall and Liam (and the others) to question him for nothing.

But Harry stayed. He had nothing better to do, and figured that he drove all that way so he minus well make the best of being in this part of town. He had his gun on him just in case and felt alright about everything for about a minute or so. He made a few circles around the building searching for a face he knew he'd never forget and yet the place seemed even empty every time he looked at it again.

It got dark out and yet Harry remained, despite losing hope about the whole thing. Leaning against a beam from what must have been another smaller building (that now was blown to bits with just a steal beam standing), Harry felt tired and his feet hurt. Things would be harder once the sun set and the air turned cool. If Louis was there, how would he be able to see Harry, since it’d be dark out where Harry was. Not only that, but with a cool night outside, no one would just casually take a stroll outside. If by some miracle Louis somehow managed to notice Harry, it would be amazing.

Every time Harry convinced himself he should just go back, he knew he'd be pissed if there was a party, an explosion, and a hurt or dead Louis when he could have done something. Harry felt he should take that chance and stay. He realized that if he hadn't found out about the explosion happening tonight, he wouldn't be so upset about it if he found out later, because he couldn't go back into the past and save Louis, so it was out of his control. But since he knew, he felt kinda responsible, and maybe that's what kept him there for another hour.

It was quite boring and silent. There was no noise and that was freaky. Every now and then there'd be a scream and some gun shots, maybe some tires screeching, but that was really it, you know, the usual noises. Of course, Harry wasn't used to being outside alone for that long, so some of the noises made him kinda jumpy, but on the other hand that was good because it kept him awake.

Suddenly there were lights. That was what Harry wanted to see. People in the building giving him some sort of a signal. If there was a party, then those rebels were right. If there was nothing, then they were wrong. So far they were wrong and that's not what Harry wanted. For once he wanted to stop a major plan just to save an enemy's life. Maybe it wasn't worth it, and Harry knew he'd face questions once he got back, and as a part of the job, he'd have to be honest.

But standing there with only the support of a steel beam, Harry didn't want to be honest. His eyes were looking aimlessly at the distant horizon; the heavy sky above filled with dark clouds met a harsh orange sky that seemed too full of life to belong to this world. The clouds were surrounding the orange sunset sky, shrinking it down and taking the light with it. Soon there'd be no orange sky left, and with the thick clouds and the smog from all the smoke, the visibility would be horrible. Harry would be lucky to even walk back to the van safely, let alone drive in it and make it back.

Harry suddenly heard what sounded like a window slam shut, and his eyes quickly panned over to the building as he felt himself awaken and become alert once again.

He then noticed a dim light in a room on what must have been the tenth floor or so turn on, and soon, more lights in rooms on that same floor were turned on. The lights got brighter, brighter than any Harry had seen lately. The light seemed to seep out of the windows creating a glow that overtook the light from the fading orange sunset sky. 

Feeling the excitement come back, Harry stood up from his leaning position and began searching for Louis though the windows. By the minute, more and more people appeared in the windows, and Harry couldn't help but wonder where they all came from, as they seemed to just appear.

Suddenly, as if turned on with a switch, Harry could hear laughter and loud music, realizing that there still must have been at least one window open some where. He slowly started to walk over to the other side of the building, but that didn't help him. Harry saw plenty of people and figures but none of them looked like Louis. Harry could here many people talking, and yet none sounded like Louis. Harry's mind raced as he walked around and around the building. What if he wasn't invited? What if Louis knew about this and escaped? Could Louis be looking for him? Harry didn't like these thoughts and found them to be distracting him way too much and making him all sorts of worried.

After circling the building three more times and hoping no one saw him do it, Harry made it back to his beam, and which a sigh leaned against it feeling defeated. "This whole thing is ridiculous." He thought to himself, eyes suddenly tired from straining to pick out Louis.

The party continued and Harry watched face after face, body after body go by the window. No one stopped to look out of it, they all walked by it like it was a just another part of the wall. It wasn't. If someone looked and saw him standing there, the government would have fixed a major part of the rebel problem in a day. The man opposing everything and making their job hell was at their from door knocking and they just ignored him.

Soon Harry started to wonder if he should have tried to enter the building, desperate and getting nervous that he wouldn’t see Louis and forever kick himself for not walking in and trying something way more affective.

But no, Harry decided to sit this one out. Despite so far reaching no luck, it was safer this way, and Harry needed as much safety as he could get.

~~~~~~~~

It was totally boring.

Now a days, these kinds of parties weren't Louis' cup of tea. Not really, at least, or, until he drank enough and woke up in someone's bed. But that was only if he got lucky, which lately hadn't been happening.

Still, the parties were a drag because it was just a bunch of judgmental people who thought everyone they didn't like was out to get them on the claim that they were a rebel and a "back stabber." No one could trust anyone anymore, and sometimes people said the wrong things with five beers in them and that's how they spotted traitors. So it was all fake, people were nice to your face and gossiped about you the second you parted ways. That’s just how it was, everyone knew it and yet they all accepted it. No one cared.

Anyway, Louis made it to the party fifteen minutes after it started and there were already tons of people crowded into the small rooms on the tenth floor. More than usual, Louis thought as he carefully moved around people already pretty tipsy. To be honest, Louis didn't feel like drinking that night and he wanted to be alone, or asleep.

After spending too much time with people he really didn't care for, Louis decided it was a good time for a smoke. He wasn't those kind of people who liked to smoke indoors, he knew it wasn't polite and considerate to others, but that's what people did these days. People smoked where they wanted to and if others didn't like it they were the ones that could go outside. Louis just thought that was crazy.

No one would have noticed him if he smoked inside, and when he looked around, he saw plenty of people smoking. He also saw many people trying out the latest batch of weed and crack, so yeah, he didn't have to go outside by any means. Honestly, Louis didn't really want to go outside either, the sky with its big grey clouds seemed to come off as a warning for the future's dismal tone and Louis just didn't want to deal or think about that.

But a habit is a habit, and soon Louis found himself on the deck. People had spilled out onto the deck but it was still less populated than the inner rooms, and the smell of whisky and smoke was less intense, which Louis appreciated and thought maybe it was good he made it outside. Sure, the air quality wasn’t that much better outside but at least there was a gust of wind every now which kept the air somewhat fresher. Inside, the air was so stale that it was sort of giving Louis a headache, besides the heavy alcohol smell and the loud music.

Louis walked over to the edge of the deck on one of the less populated sections, and he could barely get his lighter out when he noticed Harry standing to the left of the deck on the ground looking right at him.

The cigarette dropped from Louis' mouth as his eyes grew wide with surprise. Harry noticed it falling and was somehow able to catch it. He then peered back up at Louis with a smile and held it up to him.

For two more seconds, Louis peered down at him in awe and then quickly ran back inside.

Three minutes later, Louis was nearly sprinting down the stairs to find Harry. Louis' head was hurting a little and he didn't really know what he was doing. He hoped no one would notice him missing, then again, no one probably even noticed he was there. He thought for a second he was just seeing things, imagining Harry standing there, and this thought made Louis stop for a second and wonder if he should turn back. But no, Louis thought, he seemed so real, that _had_ to be him. After another second of thought, Louis started running down the stairs again, as something was telling him not to turn back. His heart was pounding, his mind hurt, he didn’t know what was happening.

Almost out of breath, Louis made it outside the building and ran around to the back where he saw Harry casually leaning against something Louis couldn’t make out in the dim light. When Louis got there, Harry was gone.

Louis stop short and felt his feet hurt. So he really did imagine Harry standing outside looking up at him. He could of sworn he was really there! Louis' eyes searched to the left and right but he didn't see Harry. Louis looked back to where he thought Harry was and waited a second before slowly turning back and walking back to the building the way he came.

When he reached the door, Louis felt something inside him tell him to search the other side of the building.

Louis found Harry leaning against a steel beam.

"Harry?" Louis’ voice was no louder than a whisper as he slowly approached Harry.

Harry, who had been looking down, quickly peered up and smiled instantly.

"Louis!" He exclaimed excitedly, "I didn't know if you would come!"

"I didn't know if I was going to come down here either, but I guess I wanted to know what you're doing here and I wanted to see if you were really here?”

Harry straightened up from leaning on the beam and turned serious. "We don't have a lot of time to talk, but listen, go back there and get clothing or anything you'll need and can't be without. Then come back here. Quickly."

Louis was taken a back, what was this all about? "What? Why do I need to do that? What's going on?"

"I can't tell you, because you'll probably doubt me, but so far everything that's happened is correct, so you just need to get back down here super fast."

Louis looked at Harry for a minute and then spoke. "Something's gonna happen. Something...?"

"Big, loud and bad. I swear. I would be here if I wasn't positive this is going to happen."

Louis looked down and didn't move. He wanted to ask what was going to happen but he couldn’t find the words.

"Do you trust me?" Harry asked not breaking eye contact with Louis, who, when he looked back up at Harry, suddenly seemed to be enchanted by Harry's eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, alright." Louis muttered trying to break his gaze. "I, I-I'll be right back." Louis finished before turning off and quickly heading back inside.

Harry leaned up against the beam and signed. Still holding the cigarette Louis dropped, Harry was tempted to toss it, but decided not to; there was no reason to curse what brought Louis down to him in the first place.

~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later Louis retuned with two small bags. Louis was happy to see Harry right where he left him, knowing that Harry probably wasn't lying if he stayed when he had the next best chance to leave.

"No one saw you carry these bags out, right? Not that it matters or anything.” Harry asked as he quickly led Louis to the van parked nearby.

"No, I don't think so. Everyone in there was either drunk or high and probably didn't even notice me."

"Good," Harry nodded, "I'm glad you were able to get out quickly too."

"I'd be glad about that too, if I knew what we were running from. I think I have every right to call you crazy."

"Oh please," Harry replied, rolling his eyes. "When you were in there, did you happen to notice the time?"

Louis looked at Harry puzzled. "Twenty minutes to midnight, why?"

Harry immediately grabbed Louis hand and started running, if he tried to explain everything in twenty minutes there'd be no way they'd outrun anything. Plus, Louis saw twenty minutes till midnight more than five minutes ago, so it could have been more like fifteen or even ten. There's no way Harry could have told him everything in ten minutes, and what if the explosion  came a few minutes early?

They made it about halfway to the van when they both heard a loud noise coming from behind them, paired with screams, glass shattering and big heavy pieces falling towards the ground. They stopped running immediately and turned around.

Although they weren't very close to the building, they could feel the heat of the fire and see the light it generated, and the ground under them rumbled. Louis' head was pounding a little while Harry just felt rather out of breath. Together they watched the dark sky reflect the orange flames and inhaled the smoke, until Harry whispered "come on" and they felt they could move their legs again.

They walked alone now slowly in pure silence, not stopping to look back despite the fact that they were both curious as to what the remains of the building looked like still burning.

Harry felt a whole lot of relief when they finally arrived at the van and wondered for a minute what Louis was feeling at this point. His whole world up in flames by the people on Harry’s side. Would Louis be mad once he got over the shock?

Harry drove slowly away from the remote area and towards the lighthouse, thankful for its close location and its position on a hill with its ability to see far. Harry knew they'd be able to see what the ruble looked like and that would help to tame their curiosity, aside from other feelings.

Louis was tired. Yeah he was so out of it and kinda freaking out inside. He wondered how long those explosives were there, how the rebels got such powerful ones and planted them without getting caught. He was so very thankful for Harry being there because other wise he probably would have been dead. Louis felt the shock through his bones and he felt dizzy. He wondered how Harry knew about this, and for a second, wondered if Harry was the one who did this. But Louis’ throat was dry and he knew his words would have been a jumbled mess if he tried to speak. Louis was just thankful to be alive. Thankful for Harry, because even if this was Harry’s fault, Harry wanted him to be alive, and even risked his own life for it.

The both of them were so consumed with their thoughts that the ride over to the lighthouse seemed to only take ten minutes and not nearly twenty.

Louis vaguely remembered this place until Harry parked the van and they both stumbled out. Louis then recognized it as the lighthouse, the place Harry told him had a great view. Slowly but surely it was all coming back.

The lighthouse was bigger than that other house Harry was at when Louis showed up. It seemed like a piece of the past perfectly untouched. Windows were fully functioning and not smashed or cracked, there were no holes in the walls or roof, the pain wasn't chipping, no bullet holes anywhere, the house was freshly dusted, a washer and dryer in the basement, the cherry hardwood had been washed and beautifully polished, heat and cooling systems worked, there was an abundance of electricity and clean water, a fireplace in the living room, and both bedrooms, plenty of food, clothing, clean towels and sheets. Louis had never seen anything like this recently and was amazed.

"This is an extra closet on the second floor for the guest room, and those stairs on the right lead up to the master bed." Harry was giving Louis the tour of the place. "But the bed in the guest room is currently being replaced with a new mattress," Harry pointed over to the box spring lacking a bed on it, "so we haven't had much company."

Louis nodded slowly. He had so many questions about how Harry managed to run a palace in his spare time while sponsoring destruction. Where did Harry even find an untouched place like this, how was it so clean and well kept, how did he find all the food, water and clothing, and how did no one, on either side, destroy this place?

"You're very quiet," Harry observed leading Louis out of the guest room.

"It's just, weird, that like, you have this stuff here so...perfect, I would have never expected."

"Yeah, that's true. I aim to surprise, mainly. But it's really the only good place I have. All the others are either falling apart or full of junk."

"I still think it's pretty incredible," Louis began in a way that made him almost seem excited, forgetting for a second what just happened, "because like, we don't-or, we didn't, have anything like this." Louis' voice lost its excitement and got quiet, as if he finally realized that all he had left, even the people he kinda knew, the place that he was warming up to call home was now destroyed.

"Come on," Harry replied, understanding Louis' feelings for the first time as well. Harry led Louis up the stairs to the master bedroom, the room with a view.

Louis was still lugging his bags around, but once he got up there and saw the massive floor to ceiling bay window, he dropped them down and almost ran over to them with wide eyes.

"This is the view up here?!" Louis asked amazed, eyes panning the horizon despite the fact that it was dark and he couldn't really see anything. The only thing visible was the still smoldering pile of ruble from Louis' building, lightly glowing still somewhat on fire far far away.

"Yeah, it's great isn't it?" Harry asked approaching him. "And look, it gets even better." Harry went over to one of the windows and began to unlock it. Louis eyes instantly went to Harry's hands and they eagerly watched Harry open the bay window to show it was a sliding door and led to a deck.

"Oh my gosh," Louis breathed, "that's amazing, I didn't think this house would have a real deck with a sliding door, sometimes they have those fake decks. But of course this house would have a real deck, this house has everything!"

"You can go out on it, if you want." Harry told Louis, who slowly made his way out onto the deck.

Louis walked right over to the edge of the deck and looked out, while Harry followed behind him but didn't rush.

"I don't know why I was flipping shit over the fact that you have a deck, I guess I was just excited." Louis began rather calmly to Harry while still looking out.

"It's alright. I got the same reaction from Niall and Liam when I showed them it too."

"Oh good," Louis breathed, "I didn't want you to think I was crazy."

"Of course not, I think I freaked out myself when I first found this place. Granted, it was a little dirty and needed some repairs, but I couldn't stop staring at this view either."

They were quiet for a bit, taking it all in. The night was cool but at this point it felt refreshing, and the thick smog in the air made it hard to really see anything but that didn't seem to matter to either of them. They could still smell some of the smoke but it was less concentrated up there, and the air felt good to breath, for once. With no moon and no natural light, the darkness seemed a little bit much, but Louis wasn't scared of it, or really anything at that moment, oddly enough.

"Do you think, one day, when all of this stuff is over, you'd live here, like, for good? No moving around anymore?”

What a weird question, Harry thought to himself. No one had (recently) spoken about the concept of "this stuff being over" and "soon."

"I don't know," Harry began slowly, "I don't know if it's the right kind of place for me. Course it's perfect and a lovely house, but for one person to be here alone? No. I couldn't."

Louis looked at him for a second and then turned his eyes back to the view. "You don't think you'll be alone forever, do you?"

"I dunno, but I'm possibly starting to lean in that direction."

"But why?" Louis asked turning his gaze back to Harry, who walked over toward another area of the deck, near some tables and chairs. "This place is wonderful, I wouldn't give it up no matter what." Louis exclaimed, moving over near a bench, "even if I had to be alone, or with some one maybe not my type."

"Have you seen most of the people still alive? It's not that great of a selection.”

"What about Liam or Niall?" Louis sat down on the bench, still looking at Harry. 

Harry frowned, shaking his head. "No, no, they want little to do with me, especially in that regard. If anything, we're kinda like brothers, so, no. Plus, I don't even own this place, I'm not supposed to even be here. But I am. One day someone's gonna come and demand this place and I'll have to give it up once they find it. It's just not meant to be."

Louis could see the pain of the months and years wearing down on Harry and felt bad. At least Louis had a place where he was supposed to be in a building where he was relatively safe from his own kind, even if he no longer has it. "It's just a shame, I guess."

"Of course it is, but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Nothing?" Louis questioned, not sure why it got all sad and dismal. Wasn’t Harry always in a good mood?

"Nothing," Harry paused, walked a bit over to where Louis was, and looked as if he was going to say something else.

"What?" Louis remarked, noticing Harry's quick drawback to speak.

Harry just shook his head, letting his wavy hair fall to around his neck before speaking again. "Never mind." Harry walked towards the sliding door but stopped right in front of it and looked back at Louis, who turned back to looking at the view intently. "You coming? It's late.” Harry asked quietly in a soft voice Louis had never heard before.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." Louis replied turning away from the view, getting up and walking over to the door.

Louis had been watching his building smolder until there was nothing left to burn, feeling that a piece of him was free the minute the place which trapped him no longer existed. Sure, it was shelter and provided protection, but it never was what Louis really wanted and he never felt he’d actually be able to call it home. Louis wanted to see its last moments; it's power removed from the memory of the now burnt heavy mental bars that once stuck in his mind.

When Harry asked Louis if he was coming, Louis said he was because Louis knew all along he couldn't hold on to such a thing. But maybe now he finally lived it, in the moment he got up and walked away from all that kept him trapped: the past.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis wasn't sure what Harry was going to say next, but when he heard it, it wasn't anything Louis could have ever expected.

"You're going to have to sleep here."

"What?" Louis looked up at Harry alarmed; this clearly took him off guard.

"The guest room bed current lacks a mattress, so you'll have to sleep here." Harry explained slowly after closing the sliding door and moving some sheer curtains over the windows.

"You don't have any kind of couch…?”

"I do, I've got two couches, but one will give you a bad nights sleep and back pain, the other, a risk of being seen and this whole house exposed as its right in front of a window without curtains or blinds, so, it's safer to sleep here."

Louis frowned and was going to say something. He thought for a moment and then spoke. "What are you gonna do?"

"Sleep here."

Louis stared at Harry as he started to remove the comforter on the bed.

"What?" Harry asked innocently. "This is a California king bed, that fancy memory foam shit or whatever, they don't make beds bigger than this. Well, actually, they don't make beds at all anymore, but you get the point."

"But isn't that just like weird or something? Like, we don't even know each other."

"Precisely." Harry smiled and tossed a few throw pillows on a chair nearby the bed. "That makes it safer for the both of us. I don't know you, you don't know me, no emotions and feelings needed. It's simpler that way."

“Well I don't know about that."

"Oh come on, just try it, one night won't hurt."

"Yeah but what if I kill you, or you kill me?"

Harry paused fixing the bed and looked at Louis. "I went out of my way to save you just now, I don't think I'd do that if I was just going to kill you later. Also, since I did just save you, maybe you could show me a little thanks and not kill me either, at least not tonight. That's reasonable, right?"

Louis shook his head. "It might be, but I can't say for sure. The only thing I'm certain of is that you're crazy, totally insane."

"I get that a lot."

"It suits you."

Harry just laughed and the shook his head.

“Hey, do you have a bathroom, or a place where I can change?” Louis suddenly asked.

"Oh yes, yeah, sorry." Harry muttered turning away from his racks and racks of floral printed shirts and tight jeans in search of finding something else to ware. Louis knew (because Harry told him) that this was just a small bit of Harry's clothing and yet Louis was stunned at how full the closet was of outfits in perfect to near perfect condition.

Louis changed into some sweats and a shirt in the bathroom right off the bedroom. The bathroom was spotless and neat, think spa condition; the place didn't have a spec of dust. The counters were marble and the floors were beautiful white tile. With two sinks, another closet (Louis didn't look in it, but he kinda wanted to), a bathtub and a shower, plenty of cabinets, perfect lighting, tile backsplash, tons of vanity space, and even a few potted plants, (something Louis hadn't seen in months), it seemed like magic how this stuff just happened to be so luxurious and exist in this world.

In his head, Louis was kind of excited about sleeping with Harry. I mean, the last time he did something like this was many many years ago, when he was like a kid or something. You know, like when you go on holiday with your family and you rent this house with a massive guest bed, and all the kids have to sleep together in a bed because they can't get each kid a bed so the beds so big to begin with it can fit them all.

His mind stalled. Was that it for innocently sleeping in a bed with someone? Probably. Louis knew that later it turned into like a sexual thing. So sexual to the point where when they were at Louis', they always left at dawn, so Louis would wake up knowing that they'd probably never see each other again, or if they did, it be for additional sex or something, but that didn't happen too much. Louis had been single for a while, just needing someone for one night and that was it, until...

When Louis opened the bathroom door and walked out, Harry was no where to be seen. Louis suddenly felt the reality of everything and began thinking Harry showing the bathroom was a trap.

"Harry?" Louis called out in a slightly shaky voice, not sure what was going on.

"Yeah, right here."

Louis heard Harry's voice but it sounded distant. He walked over in its direction, which took him to the closet and peered inside. Harry was getting what looked like pillows and Louis felt instantly relived.

"Pillows?" Louis asked puzzled. "Do we not have enough?"

“You can never have too many pillows. Anyway, these are for the middle of the bed. You know, create sections and stuff. I just thought it might help you...whatever."

"Yeah no of course, thanks." Louis responded, grabbing two pillows and tossing them on the bed. Louis didn't need to ask, they were down pillows, he knew they would be, and he wasn't disappointed.

Louis looked up from his bags when Harry walked back into the room holding two more pillows. Harry was in a way Louis hadn't seen before; not super dressed up in silk shirts, tight pants and heeled boots, no, Harry was wearing a t shirt and sweats, with his hair in a bun. Louis was surprised to see how, regular, he looked, and maybe for a second forgot who Harry really was.

They finished getting ready in silence, and they were both fine with that. Louis took the left side, Harry the right, and together they arranged the extra pillows like a barrier between the two sides. Louis wondered if he'd do this with other people, like a Liam or Niall kind of person, where they stack pillows to separate each other when they slept.

But Louis didn't ask, his mind was tired enough to just go with it, and for once not worry about anything at all.

They didn't say goodnight, or maybe they did, Louis couldn't remember. He did know that it was Harry's night table light that was on and Harry who shut it off. Other than that, they fell asleep shortly.

~~~~~~~~

For the both of them, it had been quite a while since either of them had done something like this, and neither of them knew just exactly what they were getting into.

When Harry was slowly waking up, he noticed he felt warmth and there wasslight hint of vanilla in the air, a scent he hadn't smelled in ages. It almost took him back, made Harry feel like he was home again, sleeping with someone he loved, as if this time felt different from all the other times in the recent past where he happened to get lucky for a night. No, this was sweeter, this was more like what Harry didn't know he'd ever get to feel again. He felt himself suddenly feel at ease and truly relaxed because for the first time in a while he actually didn't feel alone.

Soon Harry's eyes opened and now back in reality, he was surprised, as Harry never expected to wake up with Louis pressed up against him, lying curled up into Harry's side, head on his chest fast asleep. Then again, that's why Harry suddenly felt so relaxed and safe, and he realized he wouldn't have remembered those feelings if they weren't pressed up together.

Harry felt awkward at first once he noticed their position and maybe even felt bad for Louis when he'd wake up and realize he curled up to Harry during the night. But then Harry noticed his own arm, wrapped around Louis resting on his lower back, and then wasn't so sure if this was all really on Louis. Suddenly Harry felt bad, like maybe he dragged Louis into himself out of subconscious habit and then realized that all four middle pillows were missing. Turning his head to the right he saw two of them resting on the floor.

Harry, still feeling quite sleepy, tried to figure out what he should do. He was about to move his arm from being wrapped around Louis, but just as he started to, Harry felt Louis slightly move a little bit upon Harry’s chest as if Louis was softly nuzzling into Harry even more.

Slight shivers ran through Harry's spine as he felt Louis against him, thinking that this was probably as good as it was going to get between the two of them. But at in the moment, that didn't matter, nothing did, and Harry allowed himself to slowly drift back to sleep, letting Louis be.

~~~~~~~~

Louis probably should have warned Harry that he was drawn to any source of heat when he slept, but he didn't, and for some reason, when Louis woke up a few hours later to a gloomy sky behind sheer curtains, he knew he should have.

Louis woke up slowly and gently, unlike usual where he'd wake up in a rush and be lacking time and get up and down to work before he'd be late.

Eyes that took their time to flicker open looked upon the chest of a sleeping Harry, on his back laying on his soft curls. Picking his head up, Louis didn’t know what to think, besides sight embarrassment, but was too physically tired to actually get up and do something about it, let alone wake Harry.

Louis slowly lowered his head back down, letting it rest until he realized he was laying it right on Harry's chest.

Instantly, Louis hated himself for sleeping on Harry, just hoping that Harry hadn't seen any of this.

Louis looked over his shoulder and noticed Harry's arm curled around his waist and quickly started to wonder which one of them had initiated this.

A warm feeling that Louis hadn't felt in a long time crept back inside him as he realized he slept upon Harry's chest for a good part of the night. That would explain why he slept so well; he wasn't alone.

But Louis knew he shouldn't have, they shouldn't have done this, long term it'd be bad. Louis knew he'd never forget last night, as unfortunate as it might be, because it was so rare and wonderful, considering what kind of stuff happened earlier.

Just as Louis was turning his head back, he felt Harry slightly shifted under him. Louis looked up at Harry, wondering if he was waking up or just moving. Harry's eyes slowly opened, and Louis watched them take in their surroundings in a very sleepy way. Louis noticed how they were green and with a hint of blue, something he only would have noticed this close. Louis was suddenly mesmerized by their beauty, and when Harry looked down upon Louis, Louis' gasped slightly, as he had never been this close to perfection and having it stare back at him.

"Sorry..." Louis whispered peeling his eyes away from Harry's gaze and slowly starting to get up.

"No 's fine." Harry mumbled with a voice so deep raspy and yet smooth it made Louis stop moving instantly and look back at him.

"I, I didn't know if should have moved off you sooner but I didn't want to wake you." Louis explained sitting up and looking away, hoping Harry wasn't upset.

"It's ok." Harry replied peacefully, still lying down. "I don't mind."

Louis' eyes turned back to him. "Really? I didn't know if you were going to freak out with me so close."

”Mhm, and I didn't know if you were going to freak out either." 

Louis didn't know what Harry meant by that, because clearly he was awake before Harry was, unless Harry knew something Louis didn't, but he didn't ask.

Louis suddenly remembered the pillows they put in the middle of the bed before they went to sleep, now realizing they were missing. "What happened to the pillows?"

"They must have fallen off." Harry replied, and if Louis thought Harry talked slowly while wide awake, he talked even slower when just waking up, as Louis could tell he was still very sleepy.

Louis looked over at the floor on his side of the bed and notice one pillow on the ground. "Oh," Louis exclaimed as he reached down and grabbed it, putting it back on the bed. "Sorry I let it fall."

Harry turned to him. "It's fine, happens all the time, I guess there just wasn't enough room for them."

"Yeah, because I was in the way."

"You weren't in the way." Harry responded, suddenly sounding a bit more awake.

Louis ignored that because he knew he was. "Where are the other three?"

"Two are on the floor over here." Harry sighed closing his eyes again. Not to sleep, just to rest and to recreate the image of two seconds ago when Louis was laying on his chest and Harry was holding Louis to him.

"Ok, well, that leaves one more. Oh wait." Louis moved over to the bottom of the bed and looked over the edge. Harry, hearing Louis move around opened one eye and saw Louis reaching over to grab it.

"Found it."

"You really didn't have to do that. They're just pillows." Harry reasoned, closing his eyes again.

Louis turned to Harry and just looked at him. Even when not asleep, Harry had that beautiful sense about him, the way his hair framed his face, his long eye lashes, the smooth tan skin, the way he smelled of roses, and the color of his eyes that captivated Louis on end, until Harry opened his eyes again and found Louis staring. At that moment, Louis might have blushed a little and looked away.

But Louis didn't manage to look away for very long, as his eyes noticed Harry's tattoos. Louis noticed Harry's tattoos very early on, but it was just at that moment when they seemed to really exist in Louis' mind.

"You've got quite a bit of tattoos." Louis remarked, clearly stating the obvious, but Harry didn’t mind.

"Yeah, I guess so. Course, there's a lot more of my skin without ink."

Louis nodded, still interested enough by the tattoos to change the subject. "Do they all mean something?"

Harry's eyes flickered open and looked at Louis. "Some of them do, some not so much. At the time I guess they all did. You've got some yourself.”

Louis stopped looking at Harry's arms and suddenly became very aware that Harry was watching him. "Yeah, yeah I do."

"Like that one there." Harry pointed at the bird on Louis' own arm, but Louis was still holding the pillows, and they were clearly in the way lying in between the two of them, blocking Harry's view of Louis since Harry was still lying down.

"Yeah that's-" Louis tried to switch hands holding the pillow to see his arm better, but the pillows were too cumbersome and remained in the way, so when Louis tried to put them off to the side, Harry grabbed two of them in one hand and tossed them off the bed, letting them fall softly to the floor.

"But aren't they just going to get-" Louis started, looking over at them now on the floor.

"Fuck them," Harry replied nonchalantly, "they were in the way."

Louis couldn't help but smile and Harry finally sat up.

"What were you saying?" Harry asked rather softly.

Louis felt his cheeks kind of heat up. "No no, it was nothing."

Harry frowned playfully. "Nah, come on."

"It wasn't anything important, just about this tattoo."

"Does it mean something?"

"No..." Louis shifted his head and looked at it. "It's just a fat bird."

~~~~~~~~

They got up slowly because for once they both had no reason to rush. Harry opened up the curtains on the sliding door, which were supposed to let a lot more light into the room. They didn't. The day was overcast with dark grey clouds, perfectly dreadful. The grey world including and beyond their view sometimes made Louis feel like they were living in a world where colors were destroyed. Until he'd catch a glance of Harry's eyes. Although he wasn't as close to them as he was when he first noticed their color, he could some how see the sky blue tint that made Louis remember he wasn't in a colorless world, which of course made him feel better.

They didn't bother getting dressed just yet, still lounging in the clothing they slept in, as Harry convinced Louis not to change but to come downstairs with him, so Louis did.

"Do you have any tea?" Louis asked following Harry close behind as they walked down the stairs.

"I think so," Harry replied leading Louis into the kitchen. "If we did, I think it'd be in here." Harry opened up a cabinet above the stove and Louis' eyes lit up.

"Yorkshire tea! You really have it?" Louis beamed excitedly, standing on his tip toes to grab a box. Harry watching him reach up for it, not sure what was so great about this tea. 

"I guess we do.” Harry remarked with a slight smile as he opened another cabinet to get Louis a mug.

"I didn't think anyone had any anymore! They ran out of it at my building seven months ago, or was it a year?”

"How tragic." Harry responded playfully handing Louis a mug.

"It really was, they had me drinking coffee in the mornings, not good, not good at all. If I knew you had this tea, I would've slept over much sooner."

"And to think we almost threw out the supply."

Louis stopped filling up the kettle and looked up at Harry quickly, shocked.  "You wouldn't." Louis’ voice was suddenly rather serious.

"We almost did. Liam didn't like it taking up that whole cabinet and Niall said we should store something more necessary up there. Plus, neither of them like it."

"So how'd you manage to keep it?" Louis asked, putting the kettle on the stove.

Harry meanwhile was brewing coffee, as he decided he needed the caffeine.

"Something told me not to dump them. And eventually Niall and Liam forgot about it so they stopped bugging me about it."

Louis shook his head. "So far everything I've expected you to have in this house you have. Kinda crazy, isn't it?"

"I guess so,” Harry shrugged, "I just hope I don't manage to disappoint you at some point."

"No way, not possible, not in this house."

Harry smiled behind his mug as he watched Louis make his tea, forgetting for a minute the world outside, never wanting to have to go back out in it again.

~~~~~~~~

They took their drinks upstairs, Harry's second cup of coffee while Louis slowly sipped his tea. Harry told him he didn't have to be so conservative, as he had boxes and boxes of tea in the cabinet, and even more in the pantry. Louis didn't care about the abundance, telling Harry it was more special than that. So Harry just Louis do whatever but gave Louis the 'go for it' if he wanted another cup.

It was too cold to stand out on the deck off of Harry's bedroom so they sat in the lounge chairs in the bedroom and looked out the sliding door.

They could see an extra film in the air, like a thick mist spread just a few feet above the ground that just hung in the air making it foggy and cloudy. It was a mix of fog and smoke as if it never dissipated from the exposing of Louis' building last night. Mixed with rain, everything looked worse and more dull. Suddenly areas that were usually hidden were on display, showing their burnt faces while they lay on grounds of trash.

The world outside was silent and desolate, seeming rather empty than it usually had been. When Louis asked why it appeared so deserted, Harry guessed it must have been because of the air quality and the rain. People couldn't afford to get wet or sick from bad air.

"But I should go out." Harry announced getting up from his seat. It was nearly noon.

"Why? Won't you get hurt or sick?”

"Maybe, but I've got to take that risk. I don't have a choice." Harry walked over to his closet and began looking for something to wear. Louis, now done with his tea, got up and walked over to the bed, picking up the pillows that were still on the ground from earlier.

"Do you want these back?" Louis asked, holding two pillows and turning towards the closet. Harry had his back towards Louis and already was dressed in tight black jeans and a floral shirt, causing Louis to be amazed at Harry's ability to change so quickly.

"The pillows? Yeah." Harry replied, turning to face Louis.

Louis was surprised to see the floral shirt unbuttoned in the front, and he was even more surprises to see even more tattoos. Louis couldn't help but look, only this time he made it quick, not letting Harry think he even saw them.

Louis quickly handed Harry the rest of the pillows and then leaned up against the bed, watching Harry select a pair of tan boots. Once on his feet, Harry turned around again and began buttoning up his shirt. Louis looked away, because if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to stop looking at the tattoos (or Harry's slightly toned body).

"Do you want to come with me?" Harry asked slowly, causing Louis to look at him.

“Only if you want me to, I didn't know if you want me to stay here or not."

Harry shook his head letting his curls get in the way. Harry's right hand brushed them back as he ran his fingers through his hair. "No, I think I'd like you to come, if you want."

"Ok," Louis replied standing back up from leaning on the side of the bed and heading over to his bags. Louis grabbed a pair of black jeans as well but a sweatshirt since it was cold, and a pair of sneakers. "I shouldn't be long." He announced heading into the bathroom.

"Ok," Harry nodded, closing the closet door. "That's fine, we're not in big a rush. I'll be down stairs."

"Alright." And with that, Louis closed the bathroom door behind him.

Now alone and with the door closed, Louis leaned up against it and sighed, letting his head fall back a little. He felt his hand run through his hair as he closed his eyes, trying to take it all in. Part of his mind was still stuck on the morning, waking up snuggled next to Harry. Despite not bring able to get it out of his brain, he knew he had to, because he figured it was just a circumstance that would never happen again.

~~~~~~~~

They took the van and left about twenty minutes later. Harry planned on doing some rounds just to make sure everything seemed alright and then they'd head back, not a big day by any means.

Harry didn't drive in the direction of where Louis' building was and yet he didn't drive where Liam and Niall were, he drove somewhere between the two, and Louis was impressed by how well Harry knew the land around him.

They stopped at what looked like the remains of a town centre and got out of the van. Harry walked over to Louis' side and they began making their way through the centre. Louis didn't really know what they could get out of searching a burnt up and destroyed area, but when Harry stopped in front of a store with its roof gone and windows smashed, Louis knew Harry must have had a reason. And he did.

Inside, the store was littered with garbage and the aisles were empty. There were tones of bullet holes in the walls and broken tables and chairs.

Harry ignored all this stuff and quickly walked over to the back, where there were plenty of cardboard boxes trashed and stacked filled with nothing but more junk. Harry began looking through the cardboard boxes quickly, and Louis didn't know if he should offer to help or just stand there. Then Louis realized that maybe Harry took him alone to be the look out, and with the roof missing and plenty of open areas where people could spy or attack them, it was a job that someone needed to do.

Soon Harry stood up holding a medium sized box and turned to Louis. "Let's go” he whispered as he started to walk quickly towards the door. Louis was still very curious about what Harry had found but didn't ask.

They made it back to the van and Harry quickly put the box in the trunk. Once Harry got in the van, Louis didn't even need to ask what was inside.

"Explosives." Harry announced coolly as he started the van up.

"You found explosives there? How did you know they'd be there?"

"That's one of our holding points. When someone finds goods but they can't bring them to where we currently are, they hide them and then tell us the location. On a quiet day someone'll sneak out and pick them up."

"And you were supposed to pick them up today?"

"Yesterday actually, but there was no time. Plus I also kind of forgot."

"How many of those holding places do you have?"

"Quite a bit, but most keep getting destroyed, so you never know if what you're trying to pick up is even going to be there anymore. But we've had good luck with it, relatively speaking."

Louis nodded, wondering if Harry got any of the stuff for the lighthouse this way. Probably, he reasoned.

"Where are we going now?" Louis asked, eyes turning to look out his window.

"Hmmm, good question." Harry replied slowly. "We were going to go over there." Harry pointed to an area to the right of them, "but with all those people around I don't think it's very safe, so, we'll see."

They passed some people in rags and dull faces, but they had sharp eyes and we're holding things like knives and some even has guns. They watched the van closely, aiming their weapons at it as if to keep the van from stopping. Louis watched them fade away and hoped to never see them again.

Ten minutes later they were at another area where some houses still looked, on the outside, in tact. Harry told Louis they'd be a mess on the inside and to be extra careful. Unlike the store, Harry couldn't guarantee they'd be alone.

And they weren't. The house they went into was filled with about five other people neither one had ever seen before. They ignored these people but stayed on alert.

Harry began walking through the house picking up little odds and ends here and there while Louis followed behind keeping an eye on the people still around. A few had left, but there were two remaining. Soon Louis saw one of them leave and knew there had to still be one inside the house, but Louis didn't know where.

Few minutes later, the house was silent except for Harry and Louis on the top floor, so Louis whispered "I think they've left," to Harry.

Harry just nodded and continued searching, but soon they made their way down the stairs. Before that, Harry hid the stuff he found in a bedroom, deciding to come back later when it hadn't been so busy.

Just as Harry was clearing a corner off the hallway that led from the stairs into the living room, someone with a gun was waiting for them. Harry stopped moving abruptly, causing Louis to almost bump into him. Once he noticed what just happened, Louis felt shock run through his body and his heart started to pound.

"What do you want?" Harry asked in a low voice. Louis didn't think he should ask a question like that to a guy with a gun, but then again he didn't know what he'd say either.

"Hey you. Last night, at that building; what kind of government agent are you?" The man asked with a rough voice. He was shorter than Harry but taller than Louis and smelled of beer. His coat had a big hole on one of the sleeves and he had a black eye on his left eye.

"I'm not a government agent." Harry replied quietly but with force.

"For two hours before the blast you were waiting outside," the man grunted. "And then disappeared immediately after. If you were a rebel, you would have stayed."

Louis couldn't see Harry's face but he knew it probably wasn't very happy. Suddenly Harry quickly drew a gun from his coat pocket, and the man was distracted by it. Because of this, he wasn't able to do anything with his own gun. Harry brought his gun right up rather close to the man's face and watched his eyes grow wide looking at it so close. Then with his right leg, Harry pushed the man up against the wall and held him there, grabbing the man's gun with his other hand. The man looked terrified, staring down the barrel of Harry's gun. It all happened too fast.

"Who have you told?" Harry demanded sharply in a tone Louis had never heard before.

"No-no, no one, I haven't told anyone." The man stuttered blinking rapidly.

Harry didn't believe him and aimed the other gun at him.

"No one! I swear I didn't tell anyone!" The man shouted in pure fear.

"Were you the only one who saw me?" Harry pressed in a low voice, not sure if he'd get an honest answer.

"Yes, I, I was the only one, no one, no one else was there." The man grunted, not liking being restrained anymore.

"You better not tell anyone, got it?" Harry commanded a little louder, touching the tip of one of the guns to the man's forehead. All the man could do was nod as he looked mortified and in slight pain from where he was being held up by Harry.

Harry looked at him for another minute, trying to read him, but then he backed away, letting the man go. He slumped over a bit and was breathing heavily. Harry still had both guns aimed at him but the man slowly started to move and backed away from Harry. He remained facing Harry until he had about four feet between them. Then he quickly turned and started running to the door. Harry waited until he was gone to lower the guns.

With a sigh, Harry put the guns away in his coat and then turned to Louis. "Sorry," he said in a very quiet voice. "I kinda never wanted you to have to see that."

Louis was looking at him still shocked from everything he just saw, specifically, Harry's coolness and ability to instill fear. Louis suddenly remembered that this was the Harry he had known to be like from when they first met, but after last night, this Harry now seemed like someone else, and Louis was slightly freaked out. Maybe more than slightly.

"I think that'll be it for the day." Harry continued quietly and turned to start walking out of the house to the van. Louis, still on edge, ran after him.

The drizzle had picked up producing a steady rain when they made it outside, and they were both happy to see the van parked so close.

During the drive back, the two of them were silent, listening to the soft rain fall upon the van.

It seemed like they were driving right into the storm as the rain picked up while they made their way back to the lighthouse, and by the time they arrived, it was poring buckets.

While processing all that just happened during the ride back, Louis realized it would have been the perfect time for a smoke, as he needed to calm down and that was the best way he knew how to. But the rain looked too dreadful he decided he'd have to calm down another way.

When they arrived at the lighthouse, Harry, who would have parked outside, opened the garage door with a remote and drove right in, a nice touch, Louis thought.

They walked up the stairs into the house and Harry produced a key once he met the door.

The house was warm and cozy in a way Louis didn't notice it before, and all over the downstairs were fairy lights strung up in every room, over windows and even just upon the walls. This way Harry didn't have to run around tuning on lights, which Harry appreciated.

It was more than few hours past noon now and both of them felt rather exhausted, the gloomy day didn't do much to wake them up either.

They were somewhat soaked from the rain and it was uncomfortable enough that they headed up stairs to change.

Louis brought six pairs of regular clothing and four pairs of sweats and tee shirts, so he'd have to figure out what he was going to do when he ran out of clean clothing and a washer was no where near by.

Harry finished changing before Louis did and emptied out the pockets of his jacket on to a table in the bedroom. He looked over the gun he took from the rebel and compared it to his. They were nearly identical, but he noticed that in the rebels gun there were no bullets. His mind spun. He wondered if the rebel even knew his own gun wasn't loaded. That made a lot of sense as to why the man freaked out when Harry pulled his own gun out, because he no longer could continue on the illusion that he was ready to kill Harry since his own gun was empty.

If only Harry knew the man had a gun but no bullets he wouldn't have drawn his own gun, and Louis probably would have been so alarmed. Things would have happened a lot differently; Harry probably would have let the man keep his gun even since he couldn’t do anything fatal with it anyway, besides like, hit someone, but that wasn't the point.

Harry suddenly heard the bathroom door open and he instantly put the guns down. Louis quietly walked out and put his dirty clothing back in his bag.

Harry made it over to the edge of the bed and sat down, thinking, waiting for some reason to speak to Louis again.

"You alright?" He asked Louis softly after a while.

"Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Harry titled his head and looked at him. "You sure?"

"Mhm, yeah, I'm ok." Louis didn’t want to tell Harry that he was still feeling jumpy and that his mind was going numb due to what happened with that guy earlier.

"Ok," Harry sighed. "Just making sure." He paused. "Do you think anyone else saw me down at the building last night?"

Louis stood up and moved his bags closer to the wall with his foot. "No."

"I'd hope so."

"Why do you think they might have?"

"Well after that guy came in and thought I was working for the government, I started to wonder if others had noticed me there too."

Louis shook his head. "No, I don't think anyone in my building actually saw you. They aren't, or...weren't the kind of people to look out of windows for no reason. Even if they did, they're all dead now."

Harry nodded, but still wasn't totally convinced. He moved on though. "The gun that that guy had didn't have any bullets."

Louis looked at him and frowned. "Really? He didn't act like a guy with no bullets."

"Check the guns over here." Harry pointed to the table where the two guns sat. "There's nothing in his."

Louis did so because he was curious and he had nothing to lose, really.

"Oh, yeah." He mumbled and he looked it over. "But wouldn't you have noticed how light it is compared to yours?"

"Yeah, but I guess not, like, in the moment. I was probably so ready just in case that I didn't even realize it."

"Where do you think he got a gun without bullets?" Louis asked setting the gun back down.

"He probably shot things." Harry replied, trying not to sound sarcastic.

Louis looked at him and then realized the question he just asked. "Oh, yeah, well, alright. Sorry. Stupid question."

Harry laughed and Louis felt super dumb for about two seconds.

"Do you think he'll come back?" Louis watched Harry get serious.

"No, I think I gave him a good scare-"

"You gave me a good scare." Louis interrupted Harry, glaring at him.

"I know, I know, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry; you just never know when you're going to have to deal with a nut case like that."

"Have you had things happen like that before?" Louis' gaze at Harry softened.

Harry nodded calmly, "yeah, they can happen quiet frequently."

"Really?"

"Yeah, that's why I like to avoid people as much as I can, because half the time you don't know if they're going to kill you or something."

"Why? Why would people do that though? Besides like, for the obvious reasons."

"Because no one can trust anyone anymore. No one knows what side anyone's on."

"Ok but why didn't you try to make him believe that you weren't a government agent? Why did you make it seem like you were?"

"It's safer that way. If he thinks I'm a rebel he could begin to think I've been bribed to work with the government or acting as a double agent, which is worse for me. There'd be no way to get off his bad side, no matter what I said or who I said I was."

Louis was amazed at how Harry knew these details so well. Louis knew that if he was the one being accused of a rebel, he'd fight to the death to make them understand he was a part of the government, however small, but still a part, not understanding in the moment that that that was a bad idea.

But soon that was enough of that, and neither of them wanted to talk about it anymore.

"Come on," Harry began getting up from his seat on the bed. "Let's go eat."

~~~~~~~~

The few hours left went by fast, and soon it was dark again outside. The rain never led up and it fell hard at times upon the many windows of the lighthouse.

They ate quickly, the two of them more tired than hungry, and they soon made their way back upstairs.

"Tomorrow we should head back." Harry announced as soon as they made it to the room. "If I stay here any longer, Liam and Niall will find me and kill me."

"Why?"

"Because I have to get back, there's stuff I have to do that wouldn't be good if I didn't do it."

“But why can't they just do it?"

"They can, but they need as many people as they can get, in this instance especially."

"What're you guys doing?"

"Well, we have to load up some supplies for storage, do another clothing run, and start packing for the next move, just to name a few things. Oh, we also have to find more batteries."

"Do you ever just wanna like, run away from all this and never come back, like, just leave and have no responsibilities?"

This question surprised Harry; why would Louis be asking this kinda thing? "Of course." Harry sighed. "But there's no where to run, life would be the same no matter where I'd end up. So I minus well stay and contribute something."

"I'm sorry." Louis commented in a small voice, darting his away from Harry's eyes.

Harry looked at him puzzled. "What're you apologizing for?"

"For making things difficult, I probably don't help at making your life any better."

Harry shook his head and fell back on the bed. "You're not any of my troubles."

"Ok, but when you get back and get yelled at by Niall and Liam it'll certainly be because of me." Louis explained sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Not if I don't tell them. Besides, it's just two days, they've managed two weeks without me."

"Do you think they'll be more attacks on any of the buildings soon?" Louis suddenly asked, changing the subject. He still seemed kinda paranoid about everything.

Harry didn't need any more clarification on what kind of buildings Louis was talking about: government buildings.

"I don't know," Harry sighed. "It's getting harder and harder to know things in advance. I literally heard about yours exploding a few hours before it happened. I guess I just got lucky."

Louis was quiet, he started to get a little bit worried about going back now. Ever since he'd been with Harry he felt safe, even when they met that guy at that house a few hours ago. There was just something about Harry that made Louis feel like everything was going to be ok, and soon that feeling would be gone. It was ok when Louis didn't know what it was like to be safe regularly, it was ok when Louis was used to being alone. But now that he knew what it was like, he realized he'd be screwed when safety and knowing that someone was looking out for you were only memories, because the actual feelings were now gone for a while, if not forever.

Harry picked up on Louis' apprehension and sat up. "You should be alright though, most rebels don't attack on such a huge scale very often." He explained in a quieter voice.

"I know, but it's just...I don't know," Louis mumbled, eyes looking down, "if you didn't come I'd probably be dead right now. And I realized that last night but now it feels real, like, you saved me, but you didn't have to."

"You're right, and even if I needed a reason to save you, Niall wouldn't of given me a reason, and Liam wouldn't of given me a reason, but I didn't need their reasons, hell, I didn't even tell them, and I didn't have to." Harry paused for a minute but then started back up in a much softer voice. "When I heard what was going to happen I didn't even think twice and I broke every bit of rule to find you, but at the time, I didn't care, something inside me told me to save you."

Louis looked down for a little bit longer, but when Harry didn't say anything else, Louis looked over at him and noticed that Harry had been watching him this whole time, and that kind of made Louis' heart jump for a second.

"Harry," Louis breathed, "how am I ever going to thank you?"

"I didn't do it for the thanks."

"I know, but there's got to be something."

Harry thought for a minute. "Stop smoking."

"What?" Louis asked a little taken aback.

"Yeah, just take a break or quit or something, for a long as you can. I can save you from exploding buildings, but you can only save yourself from cigarettes."

Louis pouted. "Maybe I don't need to thank you anymore."

Harry laughed, but Louis didn't find it funny. "Just stop for a little bit or something, it'd be lovely if you could quit forever but I know that's hard, so I'd really just appreciate the effort."

Louis thought for a minute. "Fine, I'll try it. Just let me go smoke one more now quick before I start."

Harry watched Louis scramble up from the bed and head over to his bags looking for his pack.

"That's not the point." Harry frowned, but he wasn't upset, he actually kind of found this funny.

"I know, but I thought it'd only be fair if I'd-oh shit, wait." Harry tried to look over at him and see what Louis was trying to find, but the bed hid most of Louis searching his bags on the floor.

"What're you looking for?"

"My pack, I swear I put it in here. I have my lighter but-"

Harry moved over to his night table and pulled open the drawer. Last night after he got changed, he put Louis' cigarette that he caught inside the night table drawer, just in case he needed it later.

"Here." He announced to Louis, and Louis instantly stopped rummaging though his bags.

Louis looked up at Harry and saw him sitting on the bed holding the cigarette with a slight smile. Louis couldn't help but smile back, until he realized where Harry got that cigarette. "Was that the one from last night? The one that I dropped."

Harry nodded, and Louis walked over to him.

"You really are a life saver."

Harry grinned and handed Louis the cigarette. "I guess so."

Outside it was still raining. Louis noticed that the deck off the sliding door had an over hang, but it wasn't out and Louis didn't feel like asking anymore out of Harry. Louis lit the cigarette under the little bit of cover the deck naturally had, and didn't really think he’d get that wet.

Louis told Harry he'd be fine in the rain, no need to worry, and so Louis just went out in his clothing, no coat or anything.

The air was a little cold, but the cigarette warmed Louis right up and he was pretty pleased at himself that he managed to only smoke once that day. He knew Harry would have been pleased.

Harry told himself he wasn't going to watch Louis smoke, but he kinda couldn't help himself. Harry noticed that Louis kinda looked hot smoking; the way he took in a drag that caused his cheek bones to become even more defined, and the way Louis tilted his head back and even arched his back to blow out the smoke just added to it, causing Harry to wonder what else Louis arched his back for. Harry even thought he saw Louis close his eyes as he blew out the smoke a couple times, which made it all ten times more dreamy.

When Louis was almost finished, he turned towards the door and Harry noticed how wet he was from the rain, so wet in fact that his shirt was sticking to his skin. Harry could see the lines of muscles and how thin the material was. Louis' hair looked amazing wet too, and it made Harry realize that that's what Louis kinda looked like the shower.

A few minutes later, Louis burnt out the cigarette and made it back inside. "I'm kinda wet." He announced, unsure of what to do next.

"Mhm," Harry nodded. "Here," he began getting up and going over to his closet. "Try these." Harry walked over to Louis and handed him a pair of sweats (his smallest) and a shirt (one that Harry felt was just a tad too small for himself).

"Thanks," Louis hummed, taking the clothing and making his way into Harry's bathroom. Yeah, Louis had another change of sweats with him but Harry didn't know that. Plus, Louis liked wearing other people's clothing sometimes and he didn't want to bother with his bags. The simplest option was to just wear Harry's.

Both the sweats and the shirt were too big for Louis, but Louis knew that that didn't really matter, not now anyway. He left his wet clothing on a rack in the bathroom to dry and opened the door to go back to the bedroom.

"You should ware my clothes more often." Harry mumbled when he saw Louis walk out of the bathroom in sweats that fell a little low on Louis and shirt so sheer and short that Louis knew Harry could probably see under and yet would hopefully not ask him to raise his arms up for anything. Louis blushed a little and felt his cheeks grow a bit warm.

But Louis, as a creature of habit, went over to the sliding door and pulled the curtains over the windows, knowing that every time he moved either of his arms up the shirt came with up him, but he’d just had to get used to it, and so would Harry.

"You really should ware my clothing more often." Harry sighed repeating himself as he watched Louis step away from the sliding door and over to his typical side of the bed, cheeks still glowing a bit.

Louis smiled, what a great spectacle Harry was making this all to be.

"Good smoke?" Harry asked as Louis got in.

"Yeah, pretty good."

"Worth getting wet?"

"If that's my last for a while, certainly."

"I never said never again."

"No I know, just not for a while."

"You'll do it? Like really?"

"Sure, why not? I mean, I'll try."

"Wow, I'm impressed." Harry really was.

"Mhm, just don't ask me to give up anything else, it won't happen."

"Then I've got to stop saving you."

"I guess so."

~~~~~~~~

That night, they didn't use the four pillows in the middle of the bed. They also didn't use anything else in the middle of the bed to separate their two sides, and neither of them felt awkward like last night when they first got in and fell asleep.

But, that's not to say that the awkwardness was over, it wasn't by any means, and when they both woke up at the same time late that next morning somehow tangled up again, it was still kinda awkward.

Louis felt something move under him, which caused him to move a bit himself, but then he realized he was pretty awake, so he opened his eyes slowly and took in the fact that he was again curled into Harry. But Harry wasn't on his back, Harry was facing Louis lying on his side. Louis was then facing Harry and right up close to him actually. Basically they were wrapped up resting on and holding each other.

Harry, who was awake too, felt Louis' lips pressed into his neck a bit, as that's how close they were, until Louis pulled away a little.

"Morning." Harry whispered slowly with that raspy sleepy voice of his.

"G' morning." Louis mumbled back, still with his eyes closed.

Harry looked at him, and noticed how perfect he looked not only asleep, but up that close. Again, Louis smelled like vanilla and looked so soft, and Harry kind of wanted Louis to move in a little bit more and put his lips back on Harry's neck, but he didn't.

So Harry moved closer to Louis, just because why not, and he was almost asleep himself, when he heard Louis mumble "Harry" and then a pause. A few seconds later Louis mumbled again, this time, "don't let me go." Harry rolled onto his back, and just like magic, Louis naturally moved over, curling up to Harry's chest.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry planned on getting up early to take Louis back and then head home himself, but it wasn't until almost noon when he slowly opened his eyes to actually get up.

He stretched a bit and felt Louis' warmth on top of his body and really didn't want to have to wake Louis up, but it was getting late and they needed all the time they could get since they were already running late.

"Lou?" Harry whispered, watching Louis' calm face as Louis' mind continued to dream.

"Louis?" Harry tried again, but Louis didn't respond, and Harry felt bad for trying to wake him.

So Harry slightly shifted to move Louis off of his chest. Then Harry slowly sat up and ran a hand through his hair, thinking about what to do next.

Harry decided to take a shower since he knew for a fact that there was no hot water at the back where Liam and Niall were, so he reasoned that he should take advantage of that.

Grabbing some clothing from his closet, Harry entered the bathroom and gave a quick look back at Louis, who was still in rather curled up and looked very peaceful. Harry wished he could join him, but Harry knew that no one would get any work done if he went back to bed because they'd be asleep for the rest of the day.

Louis slept like a baby and didn't even notice Harry was gone until his eyes started to open and he felt the bed underneath him (as supposed to Harry). Louis low key started to freak out, but when he heard the shower running he realized that's probably where Harry was and felt ok again. Knowing that he wouldn't get to sleep endlessly like this for much longer, Louis' eyes slowly drifted close. Although alone, the lulling white noise of the shower distracted his thoughts and he was out all over again.

Louis was slightly more awake when Harry emerged from the bathroom, holding towels in one hand, he was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, but this time they were white. On top, he had another floral shirt with a yellowish tint or so, but it was unbuttoned, as if Harry never got the chance. His hair was drying into soft curls, and all the way from where Louis was he could smell the sweet shampoo.

"Morning," Harry announced when he noticed Louis was awake.

"Hi." Louis replied still a little sleepy, but indeed waking up.

Harry left the bedroom to hang up his towels in the rack in the other bathroom and retuned to see Louis sitting up and ten times more awake.

"Where do you get all your clothing?" Louis asked as soon as Harry stepped a tanned brown boot into the bedroom.

"Raids mostly. I just took the good stuff."

"Yeah but like, who were you raiding? Gucci?" Louis yawned.

Harry paused and turned to him, tilted his head and nodded slightly with a small sly smile. "Well, I can't say no."

Louis mouth opened as if to say something, but then he closed it. Finally he spoke. "No way."

"It was an outlet store. Would have been sold for ridiculously underpriced anyway."

Louis shook his head. "You've struck it rich. But I mean, like, shit...how?!"

Harry shrugged and started buttoning his shirt. "People aren't into all this silk clothing and tight jeans, people are worried about like food, water and not getting killed."

"So, that's were you come in?"

"That's where I come in."

Louis just watched Harry button tiny buttons with his huge hands.

"Besides, no one was taking the clothing from these kinds of stores, they'd rather have food."

"Why didn't you want food?"

"I did, or, I do, but I had two extra sets of hands on my side, so we were able to split up and stuff."

"Well, that's great; some people lost their minds and yet you've managed to even keep your sense of style through all this, good for you." Louis remarked back with a tiny smile.

"Mhm, yeah I've lucked out with that."

Louis started getting up and Harry closed his closet door.

"Do you think I can take a shower before we leave?" Louis was starting to grab clothing from his bag.

"Yeah, we have time. I'll head down and I'll throw a pot a tea on the stove for you."

Louis instantly lit up. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that! You'll do it?"

"Sure," Harry replied nonchalantly, because like, why wouldn't he? "I can handle making tea."

Louis laughed. "Alright, well, thanks. I should be down in a bit."

"Mhm," Harry responded, walking out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him.

~~~~~~~~

It was all a little overwhelming and neither of them were looking forward to heading back. Their time at the lighthouse was wonderful, but short, and Louis didn't want that to be his last time ever staying at the lighthouse again. They'd have to stay in touch some how, they made it this far with some sort of contact with each other, but now that Louis would be someplace else, Harry finding him would be harder, and Louis finding Harry would be harder also since he was always moving from palace to place. Yes, he could check the lighthouse but it would have to be when Harry was there, and how could they plan that? Sure, Louis could drive around and look for the van, but how could he guarantee he'd find it?

Plus, they saw each other when they just had to warn each other or save them. Not just "because," there was never just a "because." In order for them to see each other again, there would have to be a reason, a purpose, something bad actually happening.

Louis remembered a building near his old one where they said officials should go to if something bad happened. It was like the "check in" desk. Once Louis signed in, he'd be put someplace else and in a new building. At this new place, Louis would once again be reentered into society, his short little vacation with Harry over.

The air was chilly and the wind was cold, and with no sun out, the clouds were left to remind them that there was a sky above them and not some sort of dome where they lived in a controlled world where soon all of this would be over.

There was a very real sense to things, and every time the wind blew hard it was a reminder that this was indeed a very real, a very dangerous and a very lonely world. They rarely saw the sun, sometimes they managed to see a nice sunset, but the clouds covered over them most of the time and their darkness seemed to get darker and darker as time went on.

It seemed as if they were driving into the land where the dust hung in the air and the world around them was all patchy and covered with shell holes. Louis knew they were headed in the right direction because this building was located where the rebels were too afraid to go: no man's land.

This didn't stop either of them, and when Louis told Harry over and over again that he really didn't have to drive him there, that Louis could walk, it just made Harry protest even more, and maybe Louis liked seeing someone care about him, for once.

One of the things that stuck into Louis' mind was how to tell the location of where this building was supposed to be, he heard it a while ago. It was supposed to be before a set of burnt woods and after an area of land mines that were located to the left of the road.

"It should be coming up soon." Louis told Harry, watching the dull land fly by.

"Ok." Harry replied, focused on not making one wrong move. One sudden swerve and they would blast into bits from the mines.

Harry drove for what seemed like ten minutes longer than what Louis had told him it would take to get there.

"I swear it's got to be here somewhere." Louis remarked, slightly surprised and unsure why they hadn't arrived there yet.

"You're sure it's here? Like, in this area?"

"I'm sure it is, before the burnt woods, after the mines, we passed the mines and now are almost in the woods."

But there was nothing there.

Nothing except trash and rubble, bits of buildings and houses, popped car tires, heaps of dirty clothing, wrappers of products and millions of pieces of broken glass. Harry hoped they wouldn't pop a tire, other wise they'd be in real trouble.

Suddenly Louis thought he saw something. "Wait." He announced quickly.

Harry stopped the van and Louis got out. Harry leaned over to look out from Louis' window and saw what looked like a collapsed building, only being remembered by its roof.

Louis looked at the building and tried to remember if this was the place. It didn't take him long to realize that it was.

The horror of realizing that he was alone for good now with no place he was supposed to be startled him and he didn't like it, but he felt stuck, stuck knowing he was now all out of ideas, not to mention afraid and lonely.

Louis heard a door close and footsteps walk over to him, but he didn't move.

"Louis?" Of course, it was Harry.

"Yeah?" Louis responded flatly still looking at the remains.

"We should go."

"Go?" Louis asked stunned turning around to look at Harry. "This was the place, I was supposed to come here, now there's no where else I can go."

"Sure there is."

Louis shook his head. "Harry, you don't understand."

"No I do, but really, we shouldn't stay here any longer."

"What exactly do you have in mind? Because this is what I was thinking of." Louis pointed down at the building where its remains scattered the ground.

"You could come with me."

"What? Where?"

"Back to the base."

"With Liam and Niall? No way, they hate me."

Harry shook his head. "They shouldn't, they have no reason to."

"But they do."

"I'll talk to them. Plus, you're harmless."

Louis thought for a moment. Yeah, he was harmless, but he didn't really like thinking of it that way.

"I guess so. But I don't know, it's not gonna work, they'll see me and kick me out."

"Look," Harry began slowly, "it's a few hours past noon and the sun sets early. By the time we get back to the base, it'll be dark, dark enough that they'll probably all be asleep. They won't notice you come in so they won't be able to stop you. That way, they'll find out you're there in the morning, and when they realized that nothing happened to them during the night, they'll have no apparent reason to dislike you."

"You really think that'll work?" Louis liked Harry's idea but didn't really believe it would be that simple.

"Of course," Harry replied, "besides, do you have another plan?" He asked seriously.

Louis shook his head and felt a little bit helpless. "No, I guess not." He responded in a small voice.

"Alright well, we should go." Harry sighed, turning his head to the van. "We don't want to be too late."

Although Louis first thought it was a stupid idea, and with knowing that Liam and Niall would be against it, he felt relieved that he wasn't going to be alone, getting to spend more time with Harry as if this was what he really wanted to do. Course it was, the last thing Louis wanted to do was to leave Harry, anything was better than that. 

~~~~~~~~

Things turned out to be unlike Louis expected. 

It was a long drive. That was the first thing Louis didn't expect. The road just seemed to go on and on, totally endless before them. With the broken world on either side of them, there was no sign that they would ever enter someplace safe.

The day got darker faster than it seemed the van was moving, and that was ridiculous. Two hours after it was already dark they were still on the road, driving in what seemed to be like a circle. Louis thought that Harry was just lost, but Harry never gave off that feeling. He looked more certain than ever as if he knew just where they were going at all times. 

At some point during the drive, Louis felt his head get a little heavy and his body and mind start to relax. They hadn't said anything since they got in the van ages ago, and after watching a dull grey sky sunset, Louis felt his eyes slowly close, his mind and everything in between falling asleep.

~~~~~~~~

"Morning princess."

Louis didn't think he slept that long, but he knew he must have because Harry calling him "princess" probably had to happen after sleeping for a certain period of time. Besides, it was also dark by now.

"Morning." Louis mumbled pleasantly, not bothered by Harry calling him princess. Harry wishing him good morning made Louis remember waking up on Harry's chest, which wasn't a bad thing at all.

"You've been asleep for a while."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"Few hours maybe. I stopped for gas too and you didn't even wake up for that."

"Mhm," Louis hummed eyes still closed. "How close are we?"

"Maybe like another hour or so before we'll be there. Why?"

"Just wondering." Louis hummed, eyes slowly blinking, still very sleepy. Suddenly he sat up a little. "Aren't you tired? You've been driving for a long time." Louis looked over at Harry.

"Course I'm tired, I think I'd have to be crazy to not be tired." He paused, and sighed. "Last night at this time we were asleep."

"Really?"

"Probably."

"If I had know that that building was destroyed, we wouldn't of wasted all that time driving trying to find it." Louis reasoned upset at himself.

"Oh no no," Harry responded shaking his head. "How were you supposed to know it was going to be destroyed? Plus, it's not like you can feel bad for not going back since it no longer exists. I think you'd be pretty miserable there, if it was still standing."

Louis frowned. "How'd you know?"

"Just a guess."

Louis looked away.

"You'd also have to tell them the reason for now showing up sooner after the explosion."

That was true. "I never thought of that."

"What about your reason?"

"That too. I mean, I could have said I got lost or something."

"Yeah, I guess. Hopefully they hadn't heard that one too much before."

"You think of everything, don't you?"

"What?"

"That's why you're such a good leader, you literally think of everything, constantly."

"Well, I don't know about constantly." Harry replied modestly.

"It's true, you've got everything under control."

"Take a step into that base and then tell me."

"What?"

"It's going to be a circus. Hell, I'll be surprised if they don't try and put my head on a platter."

Louis looked at him confused and slightly worried.

"They'd be making a mistake if they ever did something like that."

"No, no they wouldn't." Harry mumbled under his breath, but Louis luckily didn't notice.

But maybe Louis did, and then it started to worry Harry. Did Louis agree? Was Harry right? But surely Louis wouldn't be silent if he didn't think that-

"How old are they?" Louis suddenly asked conversationally.

"Who?"

"Niall and Liam."

"Both 24."

"What about you?"

"23."

"You're younger than them?"

"Only by a year."

"But still..."

"Yes."

"Really?" Louis was surprised to say the least.

"Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"No it's not, but I guess I just thought that you were older than them."

Harry shook his head. "No, younger."

"I'm surprised."

"What about you?" Harry asked, rather curious.

"25."

Harry looked at Louis but didn't say anything.

"I know, it's hard to believe, I get it."

"No it's not that I just..."

"What?" Louis asked, ready for whatever Harry was going to say.

"Nothing, nothing."

"No tell me."

"No no."

"Please?" Louis looked back at Harry and waited patiently.

Harry shook his head and finally spoke. "It was nothing, just never mind. Really."

Louis huffed. He wanted to know what Harry was going to say.

They were quiet for a moment, and Louis would have drifted back to sleep but Harry started talking again. For the next few minutes they continued to find out stuff about each other and then quieted down a little after they gave each other something to think about.

Harry didn't know what he expected but found it interesting that Louis thought Harry's age should hold affect on Liam and Niall. It didn't and never did, but Harry knew that if Liam and Niall should somehow remember that they're older than Harry, they'd probably start questioning his authority just because of his age.

Louis, on the other hand, thought Harry was older. His persona and coolness just made him seem more seasoned, and to some extent Louis was surprised when Harry told Louis he was younger. That certainly wasn't the vibe Louis got from Harry at any time. Louis was also surprised that Harry just didn't lie and say he was older. To be younger seemed more vulnerable, and yet maybe that's why Harry was in control because he was so brave.

As the drive carried on, Harry noticed Louis get a little sleepy again and he felt bad that the drive was taking so long. He knew Louis should be asleep in a regular bed in a shelter and not a car that had been driving endless for upwards of four hours. Harry slightly sped the van up a bit despite the fact that he knew speeding wouldn't get them there any sooner.

~~~~~~~~

Louis felt the van stop and for a second things felt weird. The van had been driving constantly and in motion for as long as Louis could remember, so as soon as they stopped it felt like time too took a pause.

Harry unbuckled and Louis yawned softly.

"We're here." Harry spoke very quietly.

Louis picked his head up and looked around. They were parked at the side of a large building but it was hard to tell where they were since it was so dark out. "Is this your place?"

"Yeah, this is it."

Louis scrambled up and unbuckled while Harry stepped out of the van and closed his door.

Louis met Harry at the trunk of the van, still a little cloudy from his second nap and his neck hurt, but he didn't say anything.

"Here." Harry exclaimed as he handed Louis his bag. Harry's legs were sore and his eyes were burning.

Louis followed Harry up a few stairs and watched Harry unlock the door.

The building was dark and Louis couldn't really see anything, so he stayed close behind Harry and didn't spend too much time looking around; he was too tired to get distracted, sleep was the only thing on his mind.

Harry led Louis up stairs and down long hallways while the two of them stayed quiet; it was nothing short of a late night and they didn't want anything else but to be asleep.

Harry brought Louis up another short flight of stairs and then down another hallway, causing Louis to think this was the biggest building still standing.

Suddenly Harry stopped right in front of a door and Louis managed to notice Harry stopping before crashing into him.

"Here," Harry whispered. "This is your room."

"My room?"

"Course. What did you except?"

"I don't know..."

"Not one of those basement rooms, that's for sure." Harry pushed open the door and Louis slowly walked in, this time looking around. "I think the bed has sheets on it. We always keep a spare bed ready."

Louis turned back to Harry who was at the door.

"There's a bathroom on this floor to the right and then a couple more spare rooms on both sides. My room is on this floor as well as Liam and Niall's room."

Louis nodded.

"Ok, well." Harry began, "I think that's it for now." Louis nodded. "Good night."

"Night." Louis replied.

Harry turned around and started closing the door.

"Wait," Louis exclaimed suddenly.

Harry turned around and slightly opened the door again, but didn't move into the room.

"Will I, will I see you tomorrow?" Louis asked, trying not to sound too hopeful that the answer would be yes.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Oh, ok, great, thanks."

"Mhm. Sleep well." Harry replied, and Louis could hear the tired in his voice.

"You too."

Harry closed the door on the way out but didn't pull it totally shut. When he left, Louis ran to it and opened it to see what door Harry went into. Harry walked into the room right next to Louis' on the left.

Louis' room was nice, but it was everything short of Harry's bedroom at the lighthouse. This bed was comfy but it felt hard and too big without Harry (yeah, he was clingy already). Louis also didn't like the fact that he was used to sleeping with Harry only after two nights. He always knew it never took him long to warm up to new habit, but this seemed extreme. It was two nights. Two short nights.

Louis couldn't help but toss and turn all night, as if he was searching for Harry but he just wasn't there. Of course, when he was half asleep and trying to find Harry, it was one thing, but when he was more awake and trying to pretended Harry was there it instantly set up more red flags in his mind.

But then again, he kinda didn't care. After all, he reasoned that he was merely trying to find Harry because he missed being that close to someone. Being able to sleep with someone just put his mind at ease and made him feel safe again. That's all he really wanted, to feel safe, and he really didn't care who made him feel that way.

It was only when he felt his heart ache for Harry a little that Louis knew there was something wrong, something very very wrong.

~~~~~~~~

No one disturbed Louis. The place was silent, and for a second, Louis freaked out because he didn't like all it quiet. What if they left him here? Did Harry tell Liam and Niall? Did they protest? What if something happened to them?

Louis scrambled up while his mind raced. The first thing he realized was that he didn't even bother getting changed after arriving here the night before, he just fell asleep in what he had been wearing, taking his shoes off, of course.

The night was a rough one. Louis didn't sleep, rather, he felt like he was awake for most of the night, only sleeping when his mind went quiet enough so that he could pretend someone was there with him. Then he'd wake up realizing he was alone and the cycle would start all over again.

After changing, Louis slowly opened his door and peered out into the hallway. He guessed it was noon, or a few hours past, and without really knowing where anything was he felt lost. Instantly he wished he asked Harry what he should do the next day or where to go and what to avoid. But he didn't. And the quiet hallway with the door next to him opened was enough of a sign that Harry wasn't in his room.

Walking out into the hallway quietly, Louis went down a set of stairs he remembered climbing the night before. But he also climbed many other stairs the night before, so he really had no idea where he was going.

These stairs led to a wider hallway which Louis followed. While walking, Louis could start to hear faint noises like talking and rustling of papers. His curiosity grew and soon it took him to a big empty room where Niall found him.

"Louis! You're up!"

Louis groaned slightly (probably at Niall's enthusiasm) and turned around just in time to see a smiling and abnormally happy Niall.

"Morning." Louis replied, trying not to seem bitter or confused. Louis wanted to appear like he knew exactly what he was doing, despite it was obvious that he didn't.

"So, Harry was right; he said he brought you along but we didn't really know."

"Didn't know?" Louis looked at him with a slight frown.

"Yeah, well I mean, he left early and you-"

"He's not here?"

"Mhm, but anyway, we thought that-"

"Why isn't he here?"

Niall shrugged and started walking. Louis followed him quickly. "He's working, Liam gave him enough to do to last him two months!"

Louis tried to keep up with Niall but he was walking so fast. Louis remembered Harry telling him that Niall had a bad knee, but here he was flying down stairs and weaving in and out people and stacks of boxes and furniture. Harry didn't tell Louis that they were sharing the space again, and when Louis realized that they were it bothered him a little. Dealing with Liam and Niall was one thing, but dealing with tons of other rebels that were probably ten times more suspicious of Louis than Niall and Liam made him anxious.

"Do you-" Louis tried while Niall went out of his way to walk around a set of rusty folding chairs, and that was enough proof to Louis that Niall was done with him. "Know when, he'll be-back?" Louis shouted to make sure Niall heard him with all the noise and movement around.

"Late, like tonight. Don't wait up for him. Maybe he'll come back tomorrow morning instead..." Niall replied walking out a door leading to a narrow staircase, already filled with people carrying all sorts of bags and boxes. Louis watched Niall pass through them and blast down the stairs. Louis didn't bother running after him any more and just watched him fade away into a crowd of people navigating the stairs. They all looked at Louis as if he didn't belong, and yet Louis didn't know what they were staring at (do they know who I am? How can they tell I don't belong? Louis thought.) They talked in little bursts among themselves and although they weren't loud the stairwell echoed greatly.

It was all a little bit too much, and soon Louis turned away and went back inside the hallway leading to the massive empty room. He didn't look for Niall again and he didn't even think about Liam. He didn't know what he was going to do besides go back to his room, not wanting to deal with anyone else for the rest of the day.

~~~~~~~~

Just like during the day, no one bothered him around dusk. But as the hours went on, he almost wanted someone to bother him. It was boring; he wished Harry tok Louis with him. Maybe they'd just drive all day or end up running into crazy and angry rebels, but at least he wouldn't be alone. Louis would have someone to talk to, something to do. He had none of that now, and what if Harry didn't make it back until the next morning, or even much later that night. What would Louis do with himself? Especially if this went on for days?

Few hours after he ran into Niall and escaped back to his room, he decided to venture out again, just to look around, that's it. He had no other reason, no other thing to do. He hoped that Niall put in a good word about him to Liam, just in case Liam didn't believe Harry. But then again, Niall did everything he could do to get Louis to stop talking to him and leave him alone, so maybe that's what Liam heard, how, annoying Louis was.

Louis followed the same path as he had earlier that day, but this time he knew where he was going, kinda.

As he peeked into the big room, he noticed it was less busy and he didn't see Niall running around. The room was more full of stuff than people, but there were a few hanging around and the room was still rather empty. Louis still had no idea what these people were supposed to be doing here holding bags and boxes filled with all sorts of stuff. When Louis walked in to the room everyone stared at him like earlier. Their look towards him hadn't changed since they last saw Louis, but since there was less of them it wasn't so overwhelming, thankfully.

Eventually he ran into Liam, who didn't know who he was until Louis almost got away, but then Liam suddenly "remembered" right then and there. It was at that moment that he realized how similar Niall and Liam were to each other; paranoid, worried, and always rushing around like they were late for something. Of course, Liam was more worried and Niall moved a bit faster, but more or less they were the same people. Except they weren't. At all.

Louis decided he once again had enough, and by then, it was almost dark. He swore he wouldn't make such of a fool of himself tomorrow, and maybe seeing Harry would help with this, but maybe it would make it all worse. Louis knew that if Liam and Niall saw how Harry treated Louis (with kindness!!), maybe they'd stop being so freaked out and constantly trying to get away from him. Maybe they'd chill out and start being nice. Louis hadn't done anything to them, and he wasn't planning on doing anything to them either. Did Harry not tell them the reason Louis was even there?

Once it actually got dark, Louis kept close attention to the sounds around him, just in case he heard a car door, footsteps of heeled boots, the door next to him or even Harry's voice, anything would be enough to help him not miss seeing Harry.

But the night was long, and Louis didn't know when Harry would actually show up. Would it be weird if he waited up for him? Maybe, but Louis wanted to. Did the others have a big reaction to Harry's returns? No. None of that was actually normal, right? Right. So Louis decided to be normal for two seconds and stop paying such close attention to things. He got into bed (after changing) and (surprisingly) fell asleep.

Twenty minutes later while Louis was still asleep, Harry arrived, tired and ready to sleep, realizing he was wising he'd find his bed with Louis in it. But Harry didn't and he knew he wouldn't. Before going into his own room, Harry looked at Louis' door for a bit just thinking before slowly walking into his own room and closing the door behind him.

Despite Louis' initial snooze, neither of them really slept.

~~~~~~~~

You're gonna make them hate you if you keep asking about Harry. Louis thought. He was at breakfast with Niall and Liam the next day (Louis managed to wake up and get up before noon; he was proud of himself).

"All I'm saying is," Niall was trying to explain something to Liam in the middle of wolfing down toast, and Louis was glad that Niall suddenly changed the subject from Harry, "we can't leave those supplies in that back room like that."

"Why?" Liam asked taking a sip of his coffee.

"There's that huge storage room just empty, why don't we put the stuff there?"

"Because, we needed an extra space just in case, you know that." Liam stressed.

Meanwhile, Louis was just trying to get himself to drink his coffee. For some reason, the idea of Yorkshire Tea seemed way better, and it was hard for Louis to drink coffee. Before they left the lighthouse, Louis grabbed three boxes of tea after Harry told him to take as much as he wanted. After drinking it for two mornings, Louis was already spoiled, he knew that, and he didn't bring a tea bag down with him; he didn't know if they were going to eat, so he wasn't prepared.

It's not that Louis didn't like coffee, it's just that at morning time, it made sense to have tea. He could have coffee later, but tea in the morning was a part of him. Always had been. It went away for a little when his world seemed no longer able to find any, but at the lighthouse with that first cup, it all came back. Now it was back to haunt him, not help him.

But Louis didn't want to make a scene, so he tried not to think about how bitter it was (it was black dark roast coffee), or how it tasted a little bit like a cigarette. Louis suddenly remembered that promise he made to Harry, how Louis wouldn't smoke anymore. Well, if Harry didn't show up after a while and Louis never saw him again, what was the point of following the promise? Louis decided. There'd be no reason to. It'd been three days since he stopped and although he did miss it, he also missed Harry, and maybe he missed Harry slightly more.

No one really talked about Harry, no one acted like was a part of anything or that he mattered to them when he was gone, so Louis didn't want to ask so bluntly about anything in regards to Harry. But maybe it was supposed to be like that. Harry wasn't there so therefore no one was to be worried about him. It was just one less thing to think about. But for Louis it was really one more thing to think about.

Then Louis realized that's why he hadn't been sleeping lately, he wasn't smoking before bed, so he didn't get to feel that cooling press on his stressed mind temporarily making things better. No, Louis was alone, without cigarettes and without Harry-

"There's got to be a better way to store those extra cases. I mean, they're just full of clothing but they're taking up so much damn space..." Liam's voice trailed off as Louis dove back into reality again.

"I agree, but there's no way we can store all of those bins in such a closed off and hard to get to space when he takes from them like, every day."

Him? Clothing? Everyday? Were they talking about Harry? Louis suddenly started paying attention again and he even took another (tiny) sip of his coffee.

"Like why does he have to have so many stupid boots and silk shirts, I swear it's an issue." Niall continued sharply.

"Harry?" Louis wondered out loud, mostly by accident, as he was asking that question to himself and it just slipped out. Niall and Liam looked at him, a little shocked at first, as if they totally forgot Louis was even there. Then they remembered or at least it looked that way.

"Yes, yeah, he's just got a lot of clothing." Liam replied slowly, still looking at Louis intently.

"Where does he even get them from again?" Louis then asked, not sure how safe it was for him to talk, "I think he told me once but I can't remember."

"Raids" Niall exclaimed nonchalantly, taking a chocolate scone off a plate in the middle of the table.

"Oh yeah," Louis mumbled, wishing he could one day come along to one of Harry's raids. Louis only had clothing for two weeks packed in his bags, and luckily they had a washer, but he still felt silly wearing the same thing over and over again. If he could just have a minute with Harry he'd ask to come along the next time Harry went out on a raid.

"There isn't a way we could put some of those bins in his room, right?" Niall asked Liam, going back to their original conversation.

"No I think we could, but then he'd want to know why we had to move them and then he'd think we're running out of room and that would limit our capability to..."

Louis zoned out again, starting to wonder how he could get out of this breakfast. Soon it would be noon and the day would be gone. Then again, sitting at breakfast among Niall and Liam's conversations gave him something to do, or to pretend to do at least.

"Well," Liam got up suddenly, "I think we should try it, if he hates it he hates it."

"He can just move them back then." Niall nodded in agreement, standing up but way slower than Liam.

Louis looked at his mug practically full of coffee, and felt bad. He hoped neither of them noticed how Louis drank practically none of it, because maybe they'd think he was ungrateful, which wasn't true.

Getting up after them, Louis didn't bother to listen in on their conversations any more, and Louis took another sip of coffee just to make it seem like he really did appreciate all that they were offering him, by order of Harry or not. Liam said something about lunch and dinner to Louis, who acknowledged Liam's invitation quickly, and then thanked him.

Liam and Niall were gone before anything else could happen, and some other rebels (who were deemed the "cleaning crew") began picking up after their breakfast, as if Louis wasn't even still standing right next to the table. Louis got the hint and started walking in the direction of his room.

~~~~~~~~

Louis couldn't sleep. He just couldn't. He tried what felt like everything and nothing was working. For the nights leading up to this one, Louis was getting less and less sleep, which was worrying him. He never had insomnia but now it seemed like all he could feel certain about.

Lunch and dinner felt the same as breakfast, minus the coffee. It seemed, from what Louis could gather, that Liam were still talking about the same damn thing they were talking about at breakfast; the bins filled with Harry's clothing. Louis didn't know why it mattered so much to them but he avoided getting involved, which was smart.

When it was near time for bed, all Louis wanted to do was go and smoke. He waited a while to do so (just in case), but realized that he probably wouldn't see Harry for a long time.

Just as Louis was drawing out one from his pack (yes, he was able to find where he put them), he felt Harry's voice in his head and stopped short, dropping the pack back into the pocket of his bag. Mumbling a few swears, Louis got back into bed, amazed at his self control.

Now, almost an hour past midnight, Louis kind of wished he had smoked a bit. It would have helped him sleep for sure and Harry was now just and only in his head.

Louis sighed, feeling tired but not sleepy. Rolling over to his left side, Louis slowly felt himself get a little bit sleepy, eyes almost closed.

Just as he felt his mind calm down enough, he heard noises outside his door that woke him right back up. It sounded like more than one voice talking, but they were trying to be quiet, so Louis had to sit up to hear what they were saying.

Louis instantly recognized both Liam's and Niall's voices, and one he hadn't heard in (what felt like) ages, Harry's. As soon as Louis noticed this, he got up quickly and went right to the door to listen.

Both Liam and Niall were shushing Harry a bit and Louis could hear them walking down the hall, slowly however. Louis picked up on the fact that Harry wasn't talking in coherent sentences and instantly felt worried that he was hurt. He could hear Liam telling him to be quiet and Niall trying to keep himself from laughing.

Soon however, they passed by Louis' room and then Louis heard Harry's door close. Niall and Liam walked past Louis' room quickly and he knew they were talking but their voices were low and quiet so he couldn't make out any words.

Once they had gone by, Louis decided what to do. He wanted to see Harry but didn't know if now was the right time. He also wanted to find out what was wrong with Harry (if there was something wrong) from Harry himself because he knew that Liam and Niall probably wouldn't tell him.

Louis slowly opened his bedroom door and peered out in the hall. The lights were out and Louis could tell there was no one roaming it anymore, Liam and Niall must have gone to bed, or something. Stepping out of his room, Louis made it into the hall and shut his door behind him. The air in the hall was cold and drafty, as if coming in from the outside. Louis instantly wanted to go back to his room where it was at least a little bit warmer, but he was more curious than cold.

Talking two tiny steps, Louis moved forward down the hall.

When he realized it was true that no one else was up he walked quickly to Harry's door. Louis looked at it for a second before placing two quick knocks on it.

He heard sudden movement from inside.

"I'm telling you, Li, that I swear that I'm never ever ever-" Louis heard Harry mumble from inside in a way that he had never heard before, his tone of voice slightly alarming. Suddenly the door swung open and Harry stopped talking. For a second Harry looked confused, as if he didn't even remember that Louis existed; he was expecting Liam and he got this other guy at his door. Then Louis was worried that Harry forgot who Louis even was.

Harry squinted and stepped a little closer to Louis, as if he couldn't tell Louis from far away (the sad part was that they weren't even standing that much apart).

At that moment, Louis cold smell a hint of vodka, and almost felt relieved Harry was just drunk.

"Louis?" Harry asked in a voice much lower and quieter.

"Are you drunk?" Louis asked dead on, not wasting time.

Harry thought for a minute and yet Louis already knew he was. "No I'm not...drunk." He replied a little slurry and a small smile.

"You're drunk." Louis whispered ready to leave now. He wasn't sure how Harry was when he was drunk but felt that he probably shouldn't stay.

"Where're you going?" Harry asked slowly, as if he was gently picking his words.

Louis turned around and noticed Harry's pouty face.

"I'm going back to my room." Louis replied, "it's late."

"You...you, can't stay?" Harry asked sounding sort of sad.

Louis looked at him. "What?"

"Please?" Harry asked in a way that was extra emotional and yet kinda cute.

"Alright, fine, but just for a few minutes."

Harry smiled but Louis continued. "You need to get some sleep, you're drunk."

Harry's smile turned into a slight frown. "I-I, don't need sleep, anymore than, you, uh, do."

"Fine, we both need sleep, and you should have no problem with that tonight." Louis admitted, following Harry into the room. Harry's room was the opposite of the hall; very hot, as if all the heat was only coming into Harry's room. Louis didn't think that was fair.

Harry flopped down upon his unmade bed and Louis sat down in a chair off to the side of the bed.

"How did you even find vodka at a time like this and why were you drinking?"

"You sound just like my mum..." Harry responded sounding a little bit sleepy.

"I'm just curious. I didn't think someone like you would ever get drunk."

"Really? W-Why?" Harry hiccuped.

Louis shrugged. "You just seemed so professional and on top of things, all business and whatever."

"Well, I do know how to have fun every now and then." Harry responded, and Louis could tell he was smiling a big silly smile.

"Mhm, I never doubted that. Hey, they did move some of those bins in here." Louis mentioned, eyes panning over to a few bins over near the wall.

"Yeah, it looks like they did. Mhm. They sure did." Harry was now starting to ramble.

"Is this stuff really all your clothing?"

"Most of what fills the, uh, the bins, are, uh, mine, yeah, most of them...yeah."

"They're kind of bitter about that?"

"Who?" Harry asked, blinking.

"Niall and Liam."

"Yeah, I know, I know." Harry thought for a moment. "Why?"

"I thought you said you knew."

Harry laughed. "I do know! I know some of it!" He squealed. "They don't like the clothing. But I don't understand why!"

"None of it's really their style, I guess."

"Yeah, alright fine," Harry replied quickly. "But I didn't go out if my way to only take clothing that I liked for me. If they liked silky floral see through shirts there'd be no problem. No problem. You know?" Harry slurred this whole thing a bit.

"I understand." Louis sighed, not really sure that he actually did. "When do you think you'll go on the next raid?"

Harry looked over at Louis. "The next one?"

"Yeah, or like, how often do you go out on these raids?"

"Depends," Harry replied after a soft yawn. "Few times a month maybe. Why?"

"Well, I just thought maybe the next time you go on one I could come because I don't have a lot of clothing with me and-"

"Oh of course you could come, but here-" Harry hastily sat up and swung his legs over the bed to get up. Harry mumbled a few swears to himself as he stumbled to his feet, trying not to falter. Louis watched him maneuver over to one of the bins across the room.

"I don't know when the next raid'll be, but until then..."

"No no, you really don't have to do this."

"I know," Harry replied, clumsy fingers removing the lid to a bin. "But why not? We might forget if we don't do it now." Happy Harry was back again.

"That's true, but how can you see what you're looking for? There's no light."

"I don't need a light I know what's in each bin!"

"Do you?" Louis asked incredulously.

"I sure do, oh yes, yes yes, I know."

"I see." Louis replied, getting up from his seat and moving over to a bin near the door. He looked in it for a minute, and the stood up. "What's in this one?"

"Which one?"

Louis pointed to the bin with his foot.

"Oh, oh, that one. Well, uh..." Harry's voice faded out while Harry continued to study the bin.

After a while of no answer, Harry looked up and Louis, and started to smile, as if that would make up for the fact that Harry, in reality, had no clue. Then Harry started giggling. Soon he announced "socks" in a playful voice.

Louis shook his head. "Boots."

"I was close!" Harry exclaimed loudly.

"Shhhh!" Louis responded, and Harry instantly quieted down to a lower volume.

"I was close?!" He repeated softer with the slight press of a question, as if he didn't really think he was after all.

"Yes, I guess you were." Louis responded moving back over to his chair.

After shooting Louis another smile, Harry kept looking for about another two minutes. Then he must have gotten tired because be didn't even bother to put the lid back on before falling back on his bed when he had had enough.

Louis looked at him for another second before getting up suddenly. "I should go."

"What? Nooooooooo! It's only been like two minutes!" Harry cried quickly sitting up.

Louis shook his head while Harry watched him but didn't move. "It's getting late and you really do need to sleep."

"But why can't you stay just a bit longer? Why not?" Harry began almost whining.

"And risk Liam and Niall finding me? Not worth it."

"Oh hell, you're still worried about them?"

"Of course I am! Wouldn't you?"

Harry sloppily shook his head. "N-o." He managed.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Of course you wouldn't." He whispered under his breath.

Louis then turned and started walking towards the door. He could hear Harry getting up behind him.

"I'll, I will talk, to, to them."

"It's no use. You've already told them over and over again."

"Please, Lou...is."

Louis stopped walking, unsure of what he should really do. He closed his eyes and remembered the nights when he slept with Harry; how great it felt, how they slept so well. If that's what Harry was asking for, why should Louis turn an opportunity down to do that again? He'd be saying no to all that he really wanted, even if Harry only wanted Louis to stay because he was drunk.

"Okay," Louis breathed, opening his eyes slowly and turning around to face Harry. "But you better promise me you'll sleep. I don't want to hear the blame from Niall or Liam tomorrow that you fucked up because of me, no way would that ever be good."

"Who says they have to know?" Harry replied with a sly smile, one that oddly warmed up Louis' heart for sure.

Louis followed Harry, and although this was a totally different setting, Louis got in on the left side and Harry on the right.

Since it was so hot, Harry took off his shirt, and boy Louis forgot how nice looking Harry was not just on his face. All over, even his back muscles seemed to be sculptured from the finest materials by the best hands. The tattoos seemed to be such a part of Harry, and they appeared to be painted with such care and precision as a China bowl.

Louis didn't dare remove his shirt but appreciated the fact that Harry did. Of course, Harry looked rather puzzled when Louis said he'd keep it on.

"Really? In this heat? Man, I could never."

"Well, I mean, I wouldn't but..."

"But what?" Harry asked sitting on the bed but facing Louis, still beaming ever since Louis said he'd stay.

"What if someone comes in?"

Harry started to laugh a bit and Louis couldn't get mad because he knew it was because he was drunk. Or something.

"No ones gonna come in," Harry replied, falling back onto some pillows, "besides, they have no reason to, they think I'm passed out drunk."

Louis nodded, thunking. "Well, yeah, I thought you were passed out drunk too. I heard Liam say something about getting you, like, picking you up because you didn't come back."

Harry looked away, and very quietly he responded. "I was going to come back, I wasn't going to go away forever."

"What happened?"

"I guess I just passed out or something and they were worried."

"Of course they would be!"

"Yeah but I didn't intentionally pass out and make them find me. They just pissed me off and I had to get away."

"So you started drinking."

"Apparently so."

"You're acting so sober now it doesn't even seem like you went near alcohol."

Harry sighed. "Trust me, it wasn't pretty, and it's not like I drink a lot very often, I don't even drink like, regularly, I guess I just couldn't stand it and had to do something. Kinda a bad choice though."

Louis didn't know what to say next. What was going on here? Harry always seemed so certain, really nonchalant and calm, never angry, expect for that one time they met that rebel who thought Harry was a spy. Other than that, Harry didn't appear to be the type to get drunk frequently or to treat his problems with alcohol, so this must have been really bad.

"How did they piss you off?" Louis asked very quietly, worried that he was getting himself in too deep.

"They..." Harry started, but paused, as he collected his words. His eyes wouldn't look at Louis. "They just said that something's got to go and they also said some bad things that I didn't like."

"...about?" Louis edged on, knowing he'd never know anything if he couldn't find this out.

"You."

"Me!" Louis exclaimed loudly. He quickly brought his hand to his mouth, while Harry just peered at him. "I've got to get out of here, they're going to kill me." Louis began hastily getting up, trying to remain calm but not succeeding at all.

Harry watched him, knowing he blew whatever chance he got of Louis staying with him for the night.

Louis stumbled around in the dark unable to get very far despite how he tried, and his movements stopped altogether when he felt Harry's hand touch his arm very very gently and lightly.

 

"Louis," Harry began in a low voice, "that's why I didn't want to tell you."

 

"But that's exactly _why_ you had to tell me, I'm like a sitting duck here, they can strike whenever!"

"But they're not going to-" Harry scrambled up after Louis, who was now almost at the door, "Lou-"

Louis turned around, not sure what he was doing, but knew the one thing he didn't want to do leave was Harry, despite the fact that his feet were about to make him run far away, as far away from this place as he could.

"You need to trust me, ok? Please trust me." Harry whispered, his eyes staring into Louis' and close enough to kiss him, and if Harry stayed this close long enough, Louis would have to be restrained not to kiss Harry himself.

"Ok." Louis whispered drowning in Harry's eyes.

"I'm not going to let them hurt you, ok?"

Louis nodded but still felt unsure. "But they don't want me here." He quietly pressed.

"Not now they don't, but soon...soon they won't let you walk out the door."

Louis felt a tiny smile tug at his lips and he even laughed a bit, "are you talking about you or them?"

Harry smiled back and Louis melted inside, "let's say both. Come on," he stepped away from Louis and walked over to the bed again, and of course Louis followed him.

~~~~~~~~

"I didn't even think you'd be awake this late." Harry mumbled, rolling over to face Louis. They were still awake but getting sleepy. By now, Harry was almost totally sober, causing Louis to be amazed at Harry's ability to get pretty much over being drunk.

"Neither did I, but I haven't been able to sleep lately."

"Mhm, and I know in my case I was spoiled because of the lighthouse." Harry sighed.

"Do you think we could ever go back?"

"To the lighthouse?"

"Yeah, but like, what if I stayed there, and since they clearly like to rule without you, why don't you stay there too?" Harry knew who 'they' were.

Harry looked at Louis for a bit before shifting to his back. "That's too perfect. It would never work."

Louis frowned. "Just relocate there. Don't give them the option of any other place."

Harry sighed, "it's not so much about that. They like the place but its just that it reminds them of what life was like and it causes them to miss the past, getting frustrated."

"I mean, I guess that makes sense."

"They just aren't ready to try and recreate life like that."

"So we'll never go back?" Louis was trying not to sound disappointed.

Harry looked at Louis and then thought for a minute. "I'll guess I'll just have to take you along with me when I go back there, then."

"Mhm, that's right, anytime you know you're going to end up at the lighthouse."

"What about when I make rounds and stuff?" Harry yawned softly.

Louis sat up frowning. "You remember the last time that happened though, right? The last time I went with you?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"And you had that gun and there was that guy who tried to make it seem like he was gonna kill you and...remember that?"

"Course I-"

"I'm not sure if I should go."

"What? Why?"

"The first time I went with you, you get noticed, and almost caught. Could have been killed."

"Yeah, but that's happened before."

"It'll probably happen every time then."

"How? That's impossible. Every time is a lot of times." Harry frowned.

"Don't doubt a bad luck charm."

Harry couldn't help but laugh, but his sleepy laugh was warm and soft.

"Hey! It's true, you know there are people like that. People that are just bad luck."

"I mean, I guess so," Harry replied still laughing lightly.

"I know you think it's ridiculous but everything makes sense."

"Enlighten me." Harry responded rather jokingly and looked at Louis. Louis, meanwhile, wasted no time.

"Well, I'm creating snags in your relationships with Niall and Liam, causing you to go on stupid fucking missions all for my sake, turning your schedules upside down, taking up your spare guest room, making you risk your life for me, and turning your damn operation inside out."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Louis shook his head, with an "of course you would fucking say that," kind of expression and lay back down.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Harry asked sounding slightly concerned after a minute.

"Just a little bit." Louis breathed, closing his eyes.

~~~~~~~~

Harry knew it was morning when the light started to creep in through the window and he knew it was time to get up, his least favorite part of the day, even on those days when he slept alone.

It was still boiling hot in the room, and yet when Harry shifted, Louis rearranged himself a bit on top of Harry, and the air suddenly cold, missing Louis' warmth.

Harry, although not usually a back sleeper, spent the night on his back. Alone, he never could fall asleep on his back; it just wasn't comfortable, but for some reason, as soon as there was someone else there with him, sleeping on his back felt great.

Last night seemed sort of like a dream, but Harry was able to remember most of the night before. Of course, he woke up with a headache and he felt a little out of it.

For a second, Harry forgot Louis was with him, still asleep on the bed, which caused Harry to feel like shit about things. But something caught his eye, and he glanced back and saw Louis asleep, still in the same position, and he felt his heart warm up a bit.

It wasn't late but it wasn't early either, and the morning clouds were lifting, reveling a sky that once used to be blue. Now, the sky looked more grey or pale blue.

Harry stumbled up but had to pause a minute, as his head was somewhat pounding. He hated himself for drinking so much, as he'd have this headache until he could wear it off. That's how he got hungover; really bad headaches that lasted unfortunately long.

He didn't know if Liam or Niall were up and he almost didn't care, until he realized that they might be watching out for Louis to appear. It would look odd if they both emerged at once so Harry had to think of something to keep Liam and Niall busy and not wondering when Louis would get up.

Harry took a shower, which was supposed to help take the pain away from the headache, but it just made him cold, with his head still hurting.

When Harry returned back into the room, Louis was gone, his spot on the bed empty. At first, Harry was confused. He knew it was irony that caused Louis to leave the second he turned his back, because that's how it always was.

Harry reasoned that Louis probably left because he freaked out, thinking Liam and Niall were out hunting for him or something. Harry knew that he could tell Louis over and over again that they'd never do such a thing, but Louis just wouldn't listen, and Harry knew this too.

Harry finished getting dressed, moving as fast as he could with a pain in his head and a sense of apprehension in his heart.

~~~~~~~~

Louis wasn't in his room, and when Harry brushed by it and flew down the stairs, he hoped everything was alright.

Harry stopped himself moving so fast at the bottom of the stairs to see if he could hear voices. Sure enough, he heard Niall and Liam, and assumed (rather, hoped) that Louis was with them. Harry then resumed walking down the stairs (but less hastily) and turned into a small office (which was converted into a tiny kitchen) where Liam and Niall were having breakfast.

Louis was there too, and Harry noticed him more than anything else. Wearing a sweatshirt and some tight pants, Louis looked well rested and yet still a tad bit sleepy. His hair was fringed and getting longer, framing his face even better while still being a little messy.

Everyone reacted to Harry walking in but Louis just looked at him for a split second. They made eye contact and then Louis looked away and stared into his coffee cup.

Harry knew it was coffee inside his mug because Louis would never just stare at tea; tea wasn't meant to be stared at. When they were at the lighthouse, Louis only stared at his cup when there was no more tea in it.

In an instant, Harry wanted to give Louis all the Yorkshire tea in the world, but he was diverted by Liam's bombardment of plans for the day and Niall practically stuffing an English muffin up his nose. Louis, on the other hand, stayed quiet and stayed out of the excitement.

"We have to locate that bridge and possibly start lacing it with explosives." Liam explained quickly.

"Mhm, it's supposed to explode by tomorrow night, here, try this jam," Niall interjected, way more concerned about the jam than Liam's plans, "it's strawberry. Or maybe raspberry. But I think it's strawberry though."

"Some other rebels want to blow up the bridge tonight, but it's too soon. My thought is if we get there first, we have control over it, and it blows tomorrow night."

Harry nodded, listening as best he could, but he was more preoccupied with Louis than anything else. Harry's head still hurt a bit and the bright light in the room made it worse. Made everything worse.

Last night was something else, and it was then, with Louis pressed into him so close and making him feel like home, when Harry realized just how much he didn't want to be alone. Sure, maybe Harry was still a little bit drunk and maybe that caused him to be more clingy, but he felt that that was just an excuse, as he never wanted to be alone the first night they slept together at the lighthouse. How long was Harry going to keep putting his feelings off? Especially when he knows what it's like to be lonely.

So Harry needed time, five minutes at the most to just tell Louis something, anything, to make him understand. Yes, Harry told Louis over and over again to stay and not worry, but that was last night when Harry was tipsy, and what if Louis thought Harry didn't want him to stay anymore?

"So, I have to load up the van with the explosives and Niall's got the maps. We should be ready to go in about, five minutes."

"Ok." Harry replied watching Liam get up from the table and start walking away. Niall grabbed a blueberry muffin and half a scone before following close behind Liam.

Finally, Harry thought, they were alone. But Louis didn't look suddenly happy that they were gone and him and Harry had a moment. If anything, Louis looked more upset, and Harry knew something must have happened.

Just as Harry was about to say something to him, Niall came bursting in again and began trying to get Harry to come with him. Knowing Liam would soon follow if he stayed put (and knowing he couldn't say very much to Louis with either of them around), Harry stood up and walked out with Niall.

Louis watched him go for a split second, before looking away again, knowing Harry would probably try to make eye contact with him or something.

"So, these are the maps, I think we drove by it a couple times but we couldn't blow it up sooner because it was crawling with so many officials, but most of them died when that bundling blew up." Liam rushed in, carrying maps on top of cardboard boxes, filled with explosives (Harry guessed).

"Niall I found five more boxes. There's two or so more boxes that we still have to load up the van with."

Harry, meanwhile, was putting a coat on and trying to look busy with himself so that he wouldn't have to go help them. It's not that he didn't like helping, but he needed to talk to Louis, and if he left the room for some stupid reason, Louis would leave, heading to his room, but even worse (Harry feared), leave the building and go who knows where. What happened between them? Harry's mind raced.

"There's also a few extra boxes down there, but we don't need that many. The bridge is weak and probably going to fall apart wether or not we blow it up, so we don't need a ton. Oh, Niall, can you get me that file of papers there on the desk with the..." Liam's voice trailed off as him and Niall started to walk up the stairs, leaving Harry finally alone.

Harry rushed back into the kitchen where Louis was and Louis looked up at him quickly.

"Do you, do you want to come with us?" Harry asked, hopeful. He had so many things he wanted to say and he wanted to say them all at once but now was not the time. He needed Louis to stay with him so that he could tell him everything. Getting Louis to come along would allow Harry to finally tell him.

Inside, Louis was saying no a million times over. He had no desire to go outside and blow up a bridge and risk getting hurt or captured. This wasn't his cup of tea and Liam and Niall weren't too fond of him, causing there to be a weird vibe among everyone. But then again, Louis would never be taken seriously if he wimped out all the time and every time.

"Okay." Louis replied, getting up and walking towards the door. "Won't the others protest though?"

"Maybe, but if you want to come, you're coming, and they'll just have to deal with it."

Louis nodded. "Can I get my shoes?"

"Uh, sure, just hurry, they'll be ready to leave any minute now."

Louis ran up the stairs passing Liam and Niall, who just started to come back down.

Before anyone could say anything else, Harry started talking. "Louis is coming with us."

Liam stopped moving and stared at Harry, but didn't say anything, so Harry continued.

"I know you want to kill me right now."

"I just wanna know whose idea it was." Liam remarked, moving slowly down the stairs now.

"My idea. I asked and he said yes."

Liam shook his head, Niall didn't appear to hold any sort of visible reaction, but Harry knew he was thinking something.

"Oh come on, stop treating Louis like he's evil personified, I swear he's not gonna do anything."

"You better be, because if he sabotages that bridge I'll-"

"I promise he won't do a thing." Liam looked at Harry and remained unconvinced. "It will be all my fault and my responsibly if something happens. Happy?" Here Harry was taking the blame for something again.

"If we come back in one piece and with that bridge blown up, I'll will be."

~~~~~~~~

The bridge was close to their base, and with no major hold ups they made it there in roughly 25 minutes.

The day was hot, and sticky, as there was no breeze so the air felt thick and dust filled. Everyday it was getting more and more dusty, the land around them, filled with even more and more garbage, and the sun light, getting dimmer and dimmer, which, of course, didn't make sense because they knew how the sun worked, but didn't argue it. They tried not to think about it, but it wasn't even that far past noon and the sun already had that dusk glow to it. Maybe it was a lot past noon, maybe it was almost sunset. Maybe time broke when the world did. Maybe time never existed.

"So, if we put these small smoke bombs at the base, we pack the real punch for the middle of the bridge creating it harder for anyone to ever rebuild it." Liam explained as the studied the bridge before them. The only things left in the van were the boxes of explosives.

"What used to be under the bridge?" Louis asked Niall in a hushed voice.

"The River Thames."

The River Thames? As in, the real River Thames? Louis was instantly taken a back. They were blowing up the bridge over the once River Thames? As far as Louis could tell, the bridge stood over nothing but distant dry land with sharp jagged rocks. In his mind, The River Thames seemed to still be flowing; he'd never imagine it'd be dried up by now, so soon it seemed. Even though the land had dried up, no one could cross to the other side without the bridge, as there was a deep drop off underneath the bridge filled with sharp rocks, like a mini cliff.

"But what if we need to get to the other side?" Louis asked in a hushed voice.

Niall shook his head. "We'd never have to. There's nothing over there anymore."

Louis still felt unsure and he peered over at Harry, who was a few feet away from Niall and Louis, talking with Liam. Harry looked disinterested in what Liam was trying to tell him, and every now and then he'd flash a look at Louis, causing Louis' cheeks so get hot and his eyes to instantly dart away. (Harry took that as a good sign, because it was, right?)

The time at the bridge moved slowly and Louis was bored out of his mind. Sure, it was a little interesting watching the explosives get set up, but that was it. Louis was kind of kicking himself for ignoring Harry at breakfast, and now it was his turn to really want to talk to Harry. But Liam kept Harry busy and Niall always stayed close to the van (where Louis had to stay for "security" reasons), so there was really nothing he could do. Louis knew that if no one was looking, he'd have a smoke, but he left his pack at home and didn't want to upset Harry even more. Then Louis remembered that Harry said Liam smoked, but Louis hadn't seen Liam even near a cigarette, so how could he be sure? Then again, Harry wouldn't lie.

Just as they were about to leave and load the van with all of the explosives they hadn't didn't use, shots started flying around them, as if they were getting ambushed from all angles, close and far. Liam, who was driving, thought that everyone was in the van and stared off, when only Harry was in the van with him. Harry was of course trying to tell Liam that they were missing Niall and Louis, but Liam didn't stop driving, as he was trying to escape massive gun fire.

"Liam, they aren't here, they're gone! The bridge! The bridge! They're still there!"

"We'll get them later; we have to get the van and the explosives out of here so-"

"They'll follow us back, we minus well all be here, we can't just leave them like that-Liam!"

Liam almost drove into an abandoned barn he was getting so flustered, and with Harry yelling at him to turn around and to go back, it was too much, all just too much and Harry felt horrible in ever way possible leaving Niall and Louis like that.

Three minutes later Liam drove out of the gunfire and the world was quiet again. They made it back to their base and tried to figure everything out quickly enough to get back and try to find Niall and Liam. The shooters looked like a group, a much bigger group, and the three of them clearly weren't prepared for battling an ambush.

An hour later (Harry was itching to go back, but they were worried that the group might still be there), they started out again. The drive back out to the bridge was quiet, and this time Harry drove. They arrived near the bridge and quickly got out of the van. But the sun was no long lighting the world and they couldn't see around them too well. The one thing they were certain about was that Louis and Niall were no where to be seen.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (finally) smut and someone gets shot (not in that order) but no one dies (yet...)

"I don't know why I let you take him, I just-" Liam and Harry were back at the base. They looked for Louis and Niall for almost an hour before they came back, driving around and scoping out ever bit of land they came across near by the bridge. They were standing around outside the base, feeling very uneasy. Liam was smoking and Harry wished he had an escape like that.

"It has nothing to do with him, we would have been ambushed by those guys with or without him there."

"But how do you think they knew we were going to be there? Huh? We talked that plan over and over again for weeks. Weeks! He's the only one that could have gotten others to know about it."

"You only care about this because Niall got lost with Louis too; if Louis was the only one left behind you wouldn't be giving a shit right now. Plus, who was Louis gonna contact about the bridge? And why would they try to kill Louis if he was a part of their team?"

Liam took a drag from his cigarette and all it could do was make Harry think of Louis, as if he wasn't thinking about him enough already.

"It's the principle; we messed up a major mission and now that areas going to be laced with men from all sides just waiting for us to come back, hunting us down one by one."

"We still have to do something."

"Like what? Get ourselves captured?"

Harry rolled his eyes and Liam stomped out his cigarette. "No, we have to find them. We must."

Liam shook his head. "So now you're gonna go off and get into trouble and then I'll have three people to find, great, that's just great."

"I'm going to be taking means to protect myself, and if those don't work, don't try to find me."

Liam frowned and watched Harry head into the base. "Are you deserting?"

"No, but if don't come back assume that's what I did."

~~~~~~~~

Harry drove around every inch of the land all night and got no where. There was no certainty that Louis and Niall would still be in an area near the bridge, especially if they were captured, but he searched over and over again until he was certain .

Thirty minutes before dawn, Harry drove the van back to the base and made his way upstairs past Liam, who was full of questions. But Harry didn't want questions, Harry wanted to find them and Harry wished he had. Harry also wanted sleep, and he wanted Louis. He wanted Louis a lot.

~~~~~~~~

"The bridge blew up alright, but there was no sign of them anywhere."

"So what does that even mean? They have to be somewhere, I mean, they can't just disappear."

"I know, I know," Harry sighed, "but it's hard to be looking for them when you don't know where to look and who took them...if they were even taken in the first place."

"Of course they were; why would we just get shot at to run away? If they weren't taken they were probably-"

"Don't say it."

Liam tilted his head and looked at Harry. "I don't want them to be, but you have to understand that it's very likely at this point because-"

"I know," Harry exclaimed sort of loud, "I know." He then added, softer. "It's interesting how you say 'them'."

"What am I supposed to say?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know, I just never thought you cared about Louis."

Liam frowned, opened his mouth and then shut it.

"Exactly." Harry replied with a sigh.

An hour later, the two packed the van and went off looking for Niall and Louis.

~~~~~~~~

Silence, there was a lot of silence. Almost too much silence. Neither of them wanted to speak, and even if they did, they'd have nothing to say.

They managed to run off a bit, hide in what appeared to be a small cave. Naturally, there were no caves in the land around them; this was a man made cave where the earth just got so battered with bombs and intense heat and toxic air causing some of the land to form into a cave like structure providing shelter for Niall and Louis. They were lucky to find something like that.

To be honest, they didn't know where they were or who was after them. All they knew was they they were captured, but then escaped, and then made it back to this tiny cave before shots rang out again and they used it to hide. At this point, they were trying to get back but were stuck.

After a long night spent in the cave, the two reasoned that whoever captured them knew where they were and we're just waiting until they surrendered and couldn't live in a cave without food and water, which would be soon enough anyway.

By now it was getting dark and the air was cold with an even colder wind. They were also worried that the cave might collapse in, crushing them.

They both assumed that Harry and Liam escaped and didn't get hurt, but with shots following their van, maybe it they didn't. They had no way to tell.

"Do you think they made it back alive? Do you think they captured those guys?" Niall asked, sitting on the floor near the back of the cave. Louis was standing near the edge.

"I don't know." Louis began looking out at the dull sunset. "But I hope they're safe."

Niall nodded. Not that Louis could see him nod or anything, but he nodded, maybe to himself.

"Do you think they tried to find us? Do you think they looked for us?" Louis asked in a quieter voice. Niall didn't answer for a while and so Louis looked back at him.

"Course I do, they probably searched all over. Who knows, maybe they're even searching right now."

"No way," Louis replied shaking his head and looking back out side the cave, "they aren't looking for me, at least."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because they don't care about me, they care about you; you're so important to them, they'd do anything to get you back."

"And Harry would do anything to get you back, come on, you're not worthless."

Louis thought about this for a minute. "Fine, maybe I'm not worthless, but you certainly have a lot more worth than I do, and if they had to pick you or me they'd pick you, I just know it."

"Yeah, but we're lost together, if they find me, they'll find you, so they'll take you along; what does any of this matter?"

"It matters because you're here."

"What?"

Louis wanted to roll his eyes so badly, as he was totally surprised that Niall couldn't understand the simple reason why they'd be looking for them in the first place. Plus, did they not just talk about this? Louis left his spot from leaning up against the wall and walked to the back to Niall, sitting down across from him.

"If I had been the only one who got lost, there'd be no search. It's what Liam and maybe even you wanted all along. They're only out looking, if they're even still alive, because you got left behind with me. They're looking for you."

By now the sun had almost set, and the cool air seemed to fill up the cave even more.

"But that's stupid, Harry would be heart broken if he never saw you again."

"Mhm, sure."

"No it's true, it really is."

Louis just looked at Niall, as much of him he could still see in the darkness.

"That night, the night he was drunk...two nights ago, he was so close to destroying Liam, after Liam dropped the hint that maybe you should leave or whatever. Harry got so pissed he just, well, he-"

"Got drunk."

"Yeah, because like, he didn't know what to do, he felt he couldn't tell you because you wouldn't understand because you don't like him or trust him, and Liam wanted you forever gone, so I guess he didn't know what to do based on how he was feeling."

"How do you know all this?" Louis asked, not really believing it, yet it seemed similar to what Harry told him.

"I found Harry out drunk, and he was a mess. Blabbering on and on about you, it was so obvious."

Louis couldn't help but blush a little, and was glad it was dark so that Niall couldn't see.

"Does Liam know?"

"No, not that much anyway. He knows Harry can't seem to let you go but that's about it. I don't think he knows why, but then again I don't even really know."

"Oh." Louis was hoping Niall could tell him, as even Louis was clueless as to Harry's true feelings. "So, you don't know why."

"Yeah. He sobered up real quick when we got back. He didn't want you to know he was drinking."

Louis was instantly taken back to that night. He remembered how Harry tried to play it cool, and he really did act sober, except for the times that he didn't.

"So, you think they're out there looking for us?" Louis asked suddenly, starting to feel very hopeful.

"I do, and maybe I'm wrong, but it wouldn't be like them to just leave us here."

Niall was right. Louis knew Niall just had to be right, especially the moment Louis thought he saw headlights in the distant. They were dim, but their glow seemed familiar, even when Louis first saw them bounce off the cave.

"That's them, that's got to be them." Louis stood up abruptly.

"How do you know?" Niall scoffed, not moving. It seemed too good to be true that they were so close, if it was them.

"Because it just is, it's the van, they still have the van, oh Niall, what do we have to do to make them see us?"

"I don't know. If they drove a little closer maybe they'd noticed the cave, but other than that we'd just have to yell."

Both boys jumped when they heard shots fired behind them, but they were distant ones.

"Shit." Niall whispered.

"I hope they brought guns." Louis mumbled under his breath, no longer even sure that Liam and Harry were even there.

Suddenly the shots seemed to be very loud as if it was right over them. Louis kept trying to tell if the headlights were from the van or not, but he had no idea how to be sure.

Then the shots stopped, and the van somehow inched closer. Louis was about to make a break for it, but Niall grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Louis! You can't run out like that."

"But they shot them, they must have, or at least, it's a diversion. Quick, while no ones firing!"

Niall didn't let go of his arm and Louis tried to yank it away. When Louis couldn't escape Niall's grasp he turned back to Niall. 

"Come on!" Louis hissed, not happy Niall was stopping him.

"How do you know that the bad guys aren't the ones in the van? How do you know we're not waking out into a trap?"

Louis blinked. "Well I didn't think about that and-"

"We can't leave now, it'd be too easy, we have to wait a bit longer, for them to come to us. Harry and Li have weapons, we don't."

"Yeah, yeah you're right." Louis replied nodding, and Niall slowly let go of his arm. The two of them started moving slowly towards the mouth of the cave. 

It seemed like Louis blinked again and all of a sudden there was more gunfire. Just then, right in front of the mouth of the cave, a figure jumped down, blocking the entrance. Even in the bad light, Louis knew this wasn't Liam or Harry, especially because he was yelling something in a gruff voice that Louis couldn't understand, and he was a lot taller than Louis. And although he was tall, his body didn't look like Harry's.

Louis, mean while, hadn't moved, trying to figure out what to do. It was then he heard shouts sounding like Liam and Harry, and their voices sounded close to the cave. The man didn't faulted, hearing the shouts of Liam and Harry, as well as the gunfire battling between the two groups.

His feet wouldn't move, his body felt frozen; all Louis could do was stare down this figure a few feet away from him. He couldn't find his voice despite the fact that he wanted to scream. Then he thought he heard Niall say something and the loudness of Niall's voice startled him, causing him to flinch, looking towards the back of the cave where Niall was.Louis only looked back for a second, trying to find Niall in the darkness, but that was apparently the worst time to look back.

"Louis!" Niall yelled, and Louis instantly turned back to see the man standing very close to him, aiming a gun right at Louis.

Louis didn't think, he just acted, swiftly punched the guy in the stomach, causing him to double over. Louis then tried to hit him again, but the guy moved too fast, and Louis missed. Louis' main goal was to get the gun out of his hand, but it was dark, he couldn't see what he was doing, and all the chaos outside was just another unneeded distraction.

The man wasn't giving up and wasn't letting go of his gun either, and Louis knew he lacked qualities in every aspect to destroy this other guy.

He was a fighter. Not Louis, no, he tried but he could barely reach the guy. Louis had to fight the blows as best he could, but it still caused him to be slammed up against the cave wall in the end. Louis was somehow able to manage enough strength to push back off from the wall and stop the man from pinning him down.

As soon as he was away from the wall, Louis tried knock him out but the man towered over him and didn't have to do much to stop Louis' blow.

Seeing Louis was taken back by his miss on the swing, the guy tried to grab one of Louis' wrists. Louis was a little bit slow to move out of the way and counter, so a rough hand took hold of his right wrist and started squeezing it to death. Now driven by the sheer instinct to survive, Louis used he knee to take him down (right in the sweet spot), and then gave him a good kick. The man instantly let go of Louis' wrist, which had gone slightly numb by now, and Louis stepped back a slight bit. Knowing all he had to do now was get the gun and keep the man down, Louis lunged forward and tried to pry the gun out of his fingers.

But then things went too quick and it was almost like Louis got overwhelmed by everything. The noise, the darkness, the cold, the pain and the need to survive was too much, and when Louis barely touched the gun, boom, it went off, hitting Louis right in the upper arm. The pain felt incredibly strong and Louis could do nothing else. The gun fell from the man's fingers and he instantly stop fighting. But Louis didn't see that happen. Louis didn't even know it was going to happen, that Liam and Harry suddenly appeared and stopped the guy from doing any more damage to anyone, because Louis fainted.

~~~~~~~~

It was probably the pain that woke him up, Louis becoming alert again after fainting. He felt dizzy, his eyes felt heavy and his mind was laced with confusion. Ever so slowly, Louis looked around, and started to recognize where he was. He was in his bed at the base and it was dark out; still nighttime. For a second, Louis wondered if everything he could remember was just a dream. He believed it until he shifted a bit and felt a sharp sting in his arm.

Louis' eyes grew wide as he saw the bandage wrapping the on his left arm, and for a second, it was all very real again.

Instantly he remembered the cave and the man he fought, right up to him getting shot. Just as Louis was about to freak out because he had no clue what was going on or if Harry, Liam and Niall were ok and who put him here back in this room, the door opened a bit, and Niall peered in.

"Louis?" Niall whispered, trying to see if he was awake or not.

"Mhm," Louis mumbled quietly, trying to sit up, noticing he wasn't wearing what he had been earlier that day.

Niall opened the door to let him self in, but then turned around quietly closed it. Louis could see the light from the hall bleed into the room when he came in, but Niall flipped on a small dim light in Louis' room so that it wasn't so dark. Despite this, the darkness hung on, so Niall had to move through the room slowly.

"We didn't know if you'd be awake yet, but I offered to check."

"What happened?" Louis asked in a horse voice that hurt to use.

"Well, you after you got hit it was pretty lucky because Harry and Liam were right there, so they were able to grab you."

"What happened to those guys?"

Niall shrugged. "We were able to leave without them following or firing after us, so, we probably ran them out."

Louis nodded slightly and Niall continued. "How's the arm?"

"Hurts, hurts a lot."

"That stuff must be wearing off, that's why."

"What stuff?"

"The stuff that knocks you out."

"Wait what?"

"To remove the bullet they had to-"

"Oh, oh, right. Who did my arm?"

"Liam."

"Liam?!"

"Yeah, he was like, two exams away from being an actually doctor."

Louis looked at Niall amazed. "Really? No way."

"Yes way, he's the only one that could have done something like that and know exactly what he was doing at the same time."

"That's...that's amazing. I mean, I would have never guessed."

"He doesn't like to talk about it. He spent all this money and even went to a university in the U.S. and then he wasn't able to finish."

"Why couldn't he finish?"

"Too many threats flying around about the world ending or something. He had been away from his family for so long he took some time of. Just a month or so, but then they enforced the travel bans, and soon it turned into months, and then, well..." Niall got serious for a minute, "he never got to go back and finish."

"But at least he spent time with his family." Louis found that not thinking and talking about his arm made it slightly hurt less. Slightly.

"I agree, but if he stayed at school for a few more weeks, even just two weeks, he could have finished uni and still have enough time to see his family before the, you know..."

"Yeah, yeah," Louis mumbled blankly, looking down at himself. "What am I even wearing?" He was wearing a sweatshirt that was too big and sweats that were way too long.

"It Harry's."

"Harry's?!"

"Yeah he-"

"I thought it smelled like him." Louis commented, simply forgetting Niall was even there, and instantly thinking "oh shit" because like, Louis wasn't supposed to say something like that. 

But Niall just laughed, clearly (and thankfully) not thinking about what Louis just said.  


Niall didn't laugh for long, however, straightening back up and getting serious. "Well, anyway, I should probably tell you because you might be wondering what's going on now."

Louis nodded.

"So, even though we outran the bad guys, they found us somehow and managed to show up in even more numbers."

"Here? At this building?" Louis asked a little panicked.

"Yeah, but it's ok, because we fought some off and mislead them a bit, but that won't keep them distracted for very long."

"Are they gonna come back?"

"Harry and Liam think so, I'm not too sure. But it doesn't matter, we're moving out of here soon because they'll have this place surrounded if they do decide to come back."

Louis blinked, trying to comprehend what Niall just said, but he still felt dizzy and his arm was throbbing.

"But, we still have a little bit of time. Since it's nearly midnight now we'll leave tomorrow morning."

"Isn't, isn't that too late though?"

"No," Niall replied coolly, and Louis didn't know why Niall wasn't freaking out.

"But where are we going to go?"

"They're still deciding on that." Niall looked at Louis and picked up on his apprehension. "It'll be fine, don't worry, we've had these situations before."

That doesn't make me feel any better, Louis thought, but all he said was "okay."

"Try to rest. Someone'll be in here in a bit to check on you."

"Alright." Louis replied dryly, curious about who the next "someone" would be.

Niall left the same way he came in (keeping the dim light on, as Louis asked him to); slowly and quietly, hoping Louis would sleep. Even Louis hoped he could sleep, but his mind was preoccupied with what Niall just told him, and he felt so many things, sleepy not being one of them.

~~~~~~~~

Louis remained lying in bed with raging thoughts and a lot of pain until his body started to hurt just from lying down.

Slowly sitting up through pain, Louis felt a bit sluggish, as if his head was two steps behind the rest of his body.

For a second or so, Louis just sat there thinking, and the only slightly pleasant thought was that he was wearing something of Harry's. It made him feel safer and warm as if Harry was right there with him.

But he wasn't.

Louis began to slowly turn and dangle his feet of the bed, letting them hang. As he was moving around and such, he noticed how sore every muscle seemed to be and knew that was making his movements even slower.

The air was hot in Louis' room and he felt he couldn't remain in there any longer. After walking slowly to the door and opening it quietly, feeling the rush of cooler air felt amazing. Louis didn't want to lock himself back up in his stuffy room but didn't really know where else to go.   


Louis started walking down the hall, not really sure what he was doing or where he was going, but that didn't matter, he just felt he needed to move.

In between closed doors and windows in the long hallway was a big floor to ceiling mirror, obviously not a part of the hallway, just leaning there. Louis didn't see it until he noticed some light shining in an odd place in the middle of the wall. When he walked up to it, he realized it was a mirror, catching the dim light in the hallway. Louis never noticed it before and didn't know why it was there, and soon he couldn't help it looking, especially since he hadn't really seen his reflection in a while. At first, Louis didn't even recognize himself, as Harry's sweatshirt was massive on him, his hair was much longer and the lighting was making him look very pale. But this was Louis, and he didn't know if it was wrong for him to be surprised and taken back by his reflection, especially when before, he usually always looked the same; same kind of clothing and same hair cut (and cut regularly) for example. Now, he didn't realize how much had physically changed since a few days ago when his building blew up. And how quickly it all happened too! Louis didn't think one could change that fast, and he didn't even know what caused it, surely-

"It's quite a mirror, isn't it?" Harry. Harry's voice, one Louis felt he hadn't heard in ages.   


Louis quickly turned to see Harry leaning against the wall to the left of him. 

"Yeah." Louis replied softly, as his throat felt a little dry.

"It was stashed away in one of the rooms and we just found it. I was surprised to see it's not cracked, let alone broken." Harry sounded a little sleepy, as if just waking up. 

Louis turned back and looked at the mirror. He was so wrapped up in looking at himself that he didn't even notice the mirror's spotless condition. 

Harry went on. "Niall found it. It was hidden, as if who ever put it here didn't want someone to find it."

"Why?" Louis tilted his head, eyes drifting from the mirror but not looking back at Harry.

"I couldn't tell you. Maybe they were saving it, that's what Niall said when he showed us. Oh and speaking of Niall, did he tell you?" Harry asked, no longer leaning against the wall and approaching Louis.

"Did he tell me what?" Louis looked back at Harry now closer to Louis and the mirror.

"About what happened."

"Yeah he did but he didn't make it sound like they're gone forever."

"They're not," Harry replied crossing his arms. "They're probably going to come back."

"But why? I thought you got rid of them."

"We did what we could, but they just have a lot more people than we do."

Louis didn't say anything. His arm was still hurting but at this point it was constantly hurting, and even not thinking about it didn't help anymore.

"So that's why we're leaving. It's not going to be safe here anymore."

Louis nodded, wanting to ask why these guys were so frantically after them in the first place but didn't say anything. He knew he probably wouldn't like the answer. 

"How's the arm?" Harry asked suddenly, and Louis watched Harry's eyes look down at the bandage.

"It's ok."

Harry tilted his head and looked Louis in the eye. Instantly Louis cracked.

"It hurts...a lot."

Harry's eyes dropped and shook his head, his shoulders deflated a little. "That stupid fucker. If we were just 10 minutes earlier, even five minutes, we could have stopped him."

"But it's ok," Louis began honestly, "you tried to find us and you did, you came just in time."

"You could have died, and then they would have killed Niall; if we found you both sooner you wouldn't have gotten hurt." Harry sighed deeply as if feeling the weight of his words. "I don't know if I would have even forgiven myself if they killed you."

Louis blinked, slowly processing Harry's words. "Harry, it's fine, please, I'm ok, I really am."

Harry looked back at Louis and then opened his mouth. Then he shut it and his eyes quickly looked away. "They were looking for me."

"What? They were? How do you know?"

"Do you remember when we were at that house, and that guy who thought I was working for the government?"

"Yeah. What about him?"

"I run into situations like that so frequently now, like, everyday, multiple times per day."

"Really?" Louis' eyes grew wide. Maybe that's why Harry stopped asking Louis to come along with him as he went out and made rounds and such. 

"Yes, it's getting so bad, and it's not just one guy with an empty gun. Sometimes it's three people, or even five."

"How do you manage to escape that?"

"By doing nothing but trying to survive. Nothing matters in those moments but staying alive. You must have felt it when you fought that guy."

Louis nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Shit Harry, I had no idea."

Harry looked up at Louis and just thought for a moment. "I didn't want you, I-I never wanted you to get hurt, because like, I knew that if they did, it's because they were trying to hurt me, but the closest thing was you."

"But what makes you deserve to get hurt over me? No one should get hurt."

"I know," Harry sighed, "but if someone were to, I'd rather it'd be me. Now you're all bruised and scratched, even shot, just because I spent the day before hiding as supposed to hunting down threats."

Louis didn't know what to say but rather felt a shiver go through him. Harry, who was slightly watching Louis noticed it.

"Cold?" Harry asked in a quieter voice than he'd been using.

Louis didn't really want to tell Harry what he was feeling because he felt he couldn't explain it, so he just agreed. "A little."

"I told Niall to pick out the warmest sweatshirt. I guess he just grabbed the first one he saw." Harry smiled briefly thinking back. "I can get you a better one, one of my nice ones."

"No no," Louis shook his head, "this is fine, I guess I was just kinda remembering what happened tonight." 

Harry nodded as if he understood. "You're very brave."  


"Me? Why?"

"Because you thought of others, even if you were in danger."

"What are you talking about?"

"You saved Niall's life."

Louis scoffed. "I did not, he's probably a better fighter than me anyway."

"I'm not talking about the hypothetical circumstances that would have happened if you weren't there, I'm talking about the fact that you fought that guy; if you didn't act fast, he could have killed, not just hurt Niall. Plus, Niall's got a bad knee, he wouldn't of been able to fight him off anyway."  


Harry look away from Louis. "I know you don't believe me, I know it a thousand times, but you should, because it's true. You are really brave and it goes beyond what you did tonight."

But all Louis could think were all the times and instances when he wasn't brave, and was about to argue, when he looked up and saw Harry looking once again back at him. Instantly any thoughts he had about how wrong Harry was evaporated, and they certainly didn't come back when Harry started walking to Louis ever so slowly.

"And I don't want you to feel that I only care because you saved Niall's life." Harry continued in a quiet voice. "Because I care more than that, I care a lot more."

"You-you do?" Louis asked, getting lost in everything; it was so new and exciting and Harry was so wonderful and Louis' mind was exploding, letting Harry ramble on and on and on because Louis was crazy for that deep, smooth voice of his, which became even deeper and smoother when Harry talked quiet. And his eyes, oh my gosh, those eyes.

"Of course I do, so you can understand how I felt when you got hurt."

Louis shook his head.

"No? Why not?" Harry frowned.

"Because I didn't know that I meant anything to anyone. I know you said already how important I was for Niall's sake, but that's it, it was in that moment for his life that I mattered."

Harry looked deeply into Louis' eyes for a moment before something caught his eye and his attention was drawn to Louis' arm with bandage. The blood was starting to stain the sweatshirt as if it was bleeding through the bandage. 

Louis' eyes then slowly drifted to it. "Shit," he whispered, "now what?"

Harry looked back up at Louis. "Come with me."

"Ok," Louis breathed, following Harry as he led Louis down the hall into his room.

Once there, Louis took a seat on the corner of Harry's bed, remembering his room from the last time he was in there; the night Harry was drunk. Harry told Louis to wait for him here as he'd be right back. In the meantime, Louis slowly and gently took off the sweatshirt, placing it softly on the bed beside him.

Three minutes later, Harry came back with what looked like the contents of five medicine cabinets (this made Louis smile a little).

"Liam was asleep, but I know what to do."

"Ok." Louis replied, not sure if Harry was prepping for a surgery or about to just change a bandage.

With all the care on the world, Harry began to unwrap the gaze, slowly, and gently. Louis didn't (he felt he just couldn't) look at it, so he watched what Harry did and not his wound. He saw Harry with a cotton ball and hydrogen peroxide and felt the coolness (plus a slight sting) of the H2O2 on his skin.

Harry was so focused on this wound and he was always making sure he wasn't hurting Louis, which he wasn't, of course.

"How'd you lean how to do all this stuff?" Louis suddenly asked, hoping it wouldn't distract Harry.

"Liam."

Louis wasn't surprised to hear that. "You're just as good he is."

Harry smiled, unwrapping fresh gaze.

"But you're more gentle."

"Thanks," Harry replied. "I don't want to make anymore pain, I want you to be ok."

Louis felt Harry's soft and gentle hands brush upon his skin while Harry worked the gaze around his arm.  


"I-I am ok."

"Really?"

"Mhm, when I'm with you." Louis breathed slowly.

Harry looked up at Louis for a second, and then back down at Louis' arm. "Then I think you need to be 'with me' more often, yeah?"

"Yeah," Louis replied feeling a little sleepy all of a sudden. "With you."

For the remainder of Harry tending to Louis' arm, Louis watched Harry. He couldn't help it; there was this thing of beauty before his own eyes caring for him so gently, making sure he was ok, how could he not stare?  


Harry then stood up and Louis watched him. "Try not to sleep on that arm."

"But I always sleep on that arm, especially when I'm alone."

Harry smiled, "then, I think, from a medical stand point, you maybe shouldn't sleep alone."

"Ok, I agree." Louis replied standing up slowly, but he faltered a bit on the way up and almost fell, so Harry (gently) grabbed his hand, stabilizing Louis immediately.

"Thanks," Louis replied to Harry's gesture of help, "you'd think I'm drunk or something." Louis mumbled, not too happy with how he was carrying himself so far tonight.

"Of course," Harry replied with a smile and their hands slowly separated.

The heat was cranking in Harry's room and yet it felt like home to be back there again. Maybe something clicked because Louis wasn't feeling any need or want to be alone that night, or ever.

While Harry was brushing his teeth, Louis was admiring the bandage on his arm, beautifully wrapped.

"Harry, you did this really well."

"You're still impressed?" Harry asked, emerging from the bathroom with clean teeth and no shirt on; Louis looked over at him.

"Sorry, I guess I can't help it." Louis replied feeling a little silly and turning back to the mirror. "I could never do such a thing, which is kind of ridiculous because I can't have people do this for me forever."

"It's ok," Harry replied walking into the room and closing the door behind him. "I don't mind."

"Well, I know _you_ don't, but say I'm not with you."

"How tragic."

Louis rolled his eyes.  "I was being serious."

Harry smiled but didn't say anything, his only other action being turing on his night table light, which really didn't give off that much light. Louis, from his seat on the corner of the bed just watched him.

"Alright, well," Louis started back up again, but stopped once Harry looked back at him.

"Yes?"

Louis sighed, not really sure what he was planning on saying and got up. "Oh never mind."

Harry frowned and then shook his head. They were both tired, he could forgive Louis for not elaborating on his thoughts.

 

They got into bed and Louis had to remember to not lie on that arm, which was a little bit hard. To do so, he had to face Harry the whole night or sleep on his back, and he wasn't a back sleeper.

In the middle of the night, Harry woke up to notice that Harry was indeed sleeping on that arm. "Louis? Louis?" Harry tried to see if Louis was awake at all, but he was asleep.

Harry started to turn Louis over, but it didn't take long for Louis to roll over himself and land on his stomach practically right on top of Harry. His eyes fluttered a little, and Harry could tell he was waking up.

"Harry," Louis breathed, and Harry noticed how close their lips were. But then Louis sat up suddenly, right off Harry's chest and Harry, unsure of what was going on just watched him. Louis was slightly breathing hard and his eyes were wide open.

"Louis?" Harry asked, a little bit worried. When Louis heard his name he blinked and seem to become alert, his eyes finding Harry. "Are you ok?"

"I-I just had a bad dream, I, I was getting chased by that guy and I was trying to find you but I couldn't."

Harry sat up and Louis watched him, eyes still blinking to wipe out every bit of that bad dream.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to, to uh, wake you." Louis continued.

Harry reached his hand for Louis' but Louis flinched a little bit at his touch, causing Harry to draw his hand back. Louis looked down at Harry's hand moving back and then at his own hand. "Sorry, I didn't mean to flinch."

"Don't apologize, it's fine, I just didn't know if you were ok."

"I don't, I don't know either because it-it was just so real and you, you were gone." Louis looked down at the messy sheets he was sitting on, feeling embarrassed and still anxious.

With a set of gentle fingers, Harry slowly raised up Louis' face so that it was not only close to his, but looking at his eyes. Louis didn't flinch at this.

"I'm right here, I promise I'm not ever going to leave you like that and never be around." Harry slowly pulled his fingers away from under Louis' chin but left his eyes on Louis. Louis left his head up, having no reason to drop it now.

Harry then leaned in closer to Louis, doing only that which felt natural, kissing him.

Louis didn't think a kiss was the kind of remedy he needed, but when he met Harry's lips he realized it was what he had been missing since day one.

With no reason to rush, Harry kissed Louis slowly, dragging him in and making him feel safe again. Louis realized how soft Harry's lips were and they were so sweet Louis let Harry do most of the kissing; Louis just followed, feeling his mind and body relax.

When Harry started to lean towards Louis, ever so slightly pushing him backwards, Louis let himself fall down. Harry stayed up a tiny bit and didn't lay on top of Louis, until Louis arched his back, causing Harry to kiss Louis a little harder and start thinking about what else Louis would arch his back for.

Eventually, Harry pulled away and Louis, after taking a small sigh, slowly opened his eyes, happy to see Harry still so close to him and his lips.

"Oh Harry," Louis finally breathed, looking into Harry's eyes. That right there made Harry 10% harder.

"Yes, Lou?" Harry asked and called him 'Lou' because he had to, he just had to, ever since that first night where they slept together Harry had been wanting to call Louis 'Lou' it was just so !!!! .

Louis's breath hinged and he felt his eyes do another slow blink, as if to calm him down. His eyes opened and seemed to be saying something that Louis couldn't manage asking for, but that was ok; Harry got the message.

"You want me to...you want me to-"

"Yeah, yeah," Louis replied, shifting under Harry a little, as if to give him more hints (but Harry didn't really need any hints).

Harry then kissed Louis rather roughly and sloppily, letting their tongues chase after the other, until Harry started to suck Louis' bottom lip. Meanwhile, Harry's hand slipped through the sweatpants and Louis felt Harry's hands navigate perfectly, gripping him.

"Shit," Harry began, "you're so ready."

Louis closed his eyes and pushed his hips up as to speed things up a bit.

"It's ok, Lou, relax," Harry replied in his dreamy sleepy rough voice, and soon Louis felt his huge hand stroke his cock.

Harry's head moved to Louis neck and Louis felt Harry's lips on top of his skin where he started to kiss Louis' smooth, vanilla scented skin.

Feeling everything at once, Louis soon came all over his boxers and felt his lips moan 'Harry' while slightly panting. Harry's hand slowed down inside Louis' pants, but his mouth continued to pepper Louis' neck with kisses until it met Louis' lips for another kiss (but this one was more gentle and less messy, but still fucking hot).

When Harry pulled away, Louis eyes opened, pleasantly watching Harry until Harry started to get up.

"Where you going?" Louis asked, feeling (still) very content an delighted.

"To finish. I'll be back in a minute."

"Mhm," Louis replied, slowly moving back up to his pillow on his side of the bed.

Harry watched him for a second before heading out if the bedroom to the bathroom. Louis knew that his briefs were a little sticky and that it was probably super uncomfortable, but he didn't think about it, and it must have not bothered him at all for him to fall asleep (and sleep well) in them.

~~~~~~~~

"Louis? Wake up!" It was Niall's voice.

Niall's voice? In Harry's room? Since when? It was always Harry's voice in Harry's room because this was Harry's room and-

Wait.

What was Niall doing in here and what did he think was going on that Louis should be in Harry's room and in his bed without a shirt on?

Also, where was Harry?

"You're rubbish at getting him up, I'll do it. Go get Liam ready or something." It was Harry.

"But Liam is ready."

"Then check the van, make sure we have enough gas, lock some doors, get the-"

"Ok ok ok," Niall interrupted starting to back away. "I get it."

Within five seconds, Niall had left the room and closed the door behind him, causing Harry to flop back down on the bed facing Louis.

Louis, still "asleep" didn't budge. And that was true, he was about 80 percent asleep.

"Louis," Harry called softly. "Lou?" Still no response. "Oh Lou," Harry mumbled, then starting to kiss Louis' neck very slowly, but playing with the skin a little bit.

After two minutes and about 10 kisses later (not that either of them was counting), Harry heard Louis moan a little and shift his position. Harry knew that Louis was almost awake now.

"If you don't open your eyes I'm not gonna kiss you."

Louis pouted in protest, but soon had both eyes open and was staring into Harry's own eyes.

"Are you gonna kiss me now?" Louis asked in a way that was so cute.

"A promise is a promise." So Harry kissed Louis, siting on his hips a bit he let Louis have a bit more control of the kiss this time, causing Louis to be kissing Harry more and sucking on his lips.

"How'd you sleep?" Harry continued on conversationally when they separated and he got up.

"Oh it was delightful." Louis replied sitting up, slightly wishing he was still asleep.

"I wonder why," Harry smirked while he grabbed some clothing for Louis. "What about your arm?"

Louis looked over at it for a minute, "doesn't really hurt that much right now. Maybe a little but not a lot."

"Good, Liam'll be happy to hear that."

Louis nodded, running the hand of the non injured arm through his hair, "can I shower or is it too late?"

"I think you have time, we don't have to leave for another hour and a half or so. Here," Harry brought the clothing into the bathroom and flipped on the light.

Meanwhile, Louis got up and didn't feel weak like how he felt last night. For some reason he felt energized and happy, actually.

You have to wrap the bandage with this," Harry held up some plastic wrap, "it's all we have but it'd better than nothing."

"Too keep the water out?" Louis yawned softly. 

"Yeah, it's like when you have a cast, you have to put a bag over it or something. When you get out I think we should change it though."

Louis nodded letting Harry wrap the plastic.

"What would Liam say if he saw you babying me this much?"

"He'd just be jealous no ones babying him maybe. Is nice to get babyed every now and then."

"He'd probably thinks I'm either really spoiled or totally incapable."

Harry smiled, and then looked up and Louis, "I think you're perfect."

Louis wanted to roll his eyes but what actually happened instead was that Louis felt his cheeks heat up and he couldn't quit smiling. 

A minute or two later Harry finished wrapping it. "Ok, you're all set." 

"Thanks," Louis replied, not looking back at Harry but looking at his arm with the plastic over the bandage.

"Anytime," Harry mentioned before quickly giving Louis a kiss on the cheek. Louis, since he wasn't looking at Harry, felt the kiss more than he saw it. Harry's lips were smooth and delicate over Louis skin, and Louis was surprised by the kiss. When Louis turned his head to look at Harry, he was gone.

~~~~~~~~

They managed to leave just in time. They were about 20 feet from the base when the whole thing exploded, bursting into flames. Harry was in the passenger seat, Liam was driving and Niall and Louis were in the back. Louis, who watched the base get smaller and smaller, also watched it burn in thick black smoke. It sent a shiver down his spine that just five minutes ago they were all in that building and instantly made him remember his own building blowing up a few days ago.

Because they didn't really know where to go, they drove around for a while looking for a safe place to stay for the rest of the day and at least the night. The day was foggy and humid, and the van's AC wasn't working. When they rolled the windows down the air was filled with dust and sand making them cough, so they couldn't keep them open either.

After what felt like driving in circles, all Louis wanted to do was suggest the lighthouse, but he knew they'd wouldn't go there. He guessed that Liam and Niall didn't even know he stayed with Harry at the lighthouse, and if Louis mentioned it they both would have a ton of explaining to do, so it wasn't worth it. He'd have to go back with Harry because he'd understand.

Eventually a one story building came in sight, and they drove up to it. They rehearsed what to do; Liam was to stay in the van with it running just in case they had to get away fast, Niall was on the lookout outside, and Harry headed inside to scope out the building. Since they were used to doing this without Louis when there was just three of them, Louis could sit and watch or help whoever he wanted, and of course he picked helping out Harry. The way he saw it, whoever was going inside had the riskiest job, and he'd go along with the person doing it to be an extra set of eyes.For it to be Harry, was just an extra bonus. Sure, Louis would have to be careful with his arm and all, but that was just part of it. 

From the outside, the place looked dismal; broken windows, chipped paint, part of the roof gone, bullet holes and fire damage, but what made them interested was the fact that the building was standing. There was so much damage to it that they couldn't tell what it was originally; a house or some sort of commercial space, but that didn't matter.

Inside the place had been raided, and all that seemed to remain were bits and pieces of chairs, linens, and clothing, besides garbage. The rooms were empty, containing no furniture, and there wasn't one door totally on its hinges. The air inside smelled of this burnt chemicals from the fire damage, hinting at an electrical sort of blaze. There was major wood damage and the lights didn't work. Clearly there was no electricity and clean water, or any water at all. When the wind blew, you could feel it coming in through the now thin drafty walls and smashed windows, even in the less damaged rooms.

But Harry was intrigued with the building, even though he pointed out everything that was wrong with it, and couldn't find another positive than 'it's shelter.'

"These vents don't work, but that's ok since they'd spit out is probably gross air anyway. And these windows are rusted shut despite being mostly smashed."

"Is it wort it? To stay here?" Louis asked slowly following behind Harry walking from room to room exploring different things.

Harry sighed and tried opening a closet door but it was jammed. "I don't know. Maybe not forever but I'd think just for the night."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not perfect, but it's something. Plus, we can keep looking tomorrow; the suns going to go down in less than an hour and it'll be dark and cold. I don't think we have a much of a choice."

So they went out and told Liam and Niall about the place, and they too agreed to stay the night

As they showed the place around to Liam and Niall, the realized that only a few of the rooms featured basic and good enough living conditions, causing them to really only use five out of the ten plus rooms. It was things they hadn't noticed before, holes in the walls, the ceiling ready to cave in above them, rusty metal scattered all over and the very lose floor boards.

By the time they got all the bags in, it was starting to get dark out, and Louis could already feel the chill of night. It was, of course, the perfect night for them to be sleeping in a place without heat.

Despite the fact that it wasn't safe for them to sleep separated from each other, they split up, and of course Harry and Louis had a room together; there would have been revolts from both sides if they were split up, and after last night oh no no _no_ they didn't want to leave each other. But at the same time, they also down played it to the extreme that they cared about each other like that.

There were no beds and they didn't have anything to bring their mattresses, so they only had some blankets and a few pillows. Liam and Niall's room was on a room right off the hall near the door they came in through, where as Harry and Louis' room was farther back down the hall, giving them some space. Harry and Louis weren't sure if Niall and Liam would decide to share a room but decided not bother asking just in case they were then asked.

"I don't think I've had to sleep on the floor in a long time." Harry recalled, spreading out a blanket on the floor.

"I don't think I've ever slept on the floor."

"Ever?" Harry tilted his head a little surprised, "even when you were like a little or something."

Louis shrugged. "Maybe, but it didn't feel like this."

"What's this feel like?"

"A little freaky. I guess I've just never spent the night in a place like this."

Harry nodded watching Louis grab some pillows. "Well, I know for me, and this is probably true for you too, but I'm glad I'm not alone."

"Oh yeah, I'm glad I'm not alone here either." And Louis wanted to add, "I'm never alone when I'm with you," but he didn't, not yet, not yet. "If you were here without me, would they make you sleep in a room alone?"

"Maybe, but probably not. They have more heart than that." Then Harry must have remembered something. "Oh how's your arm by the way?"

Louis concluded that this had been the longest Harry had gone without asking about it. Normally, Harry asked like ten times per hour. "It's alright, kind of stings a bit."

Harry looked at it still wrapped up for a second, before going over to a bag near the door. "It probably should be cleaned one more time before bed, you don't want it to get infected."

"Yeah," Louis replied, putting the last of the pillows on top of the blankets, not liking the fact that he was putting down pillows on a dirty floor, but he didn't say anything.

"Here, hold this, there's no table in here, or, one that I trust."

Louis took the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and watched Harry open the bandage. Then Harry took the bottle of H2O2 back from Louis and waited for him to take his sweatshirt off. For a second, Louis looked back at Harry, unsure of what he wanted him to do. "Oh right, right, the sweatshirt."

"Mhm," Harry replied nodding slightly, starting to conclude that Louis was getting sleepy.

"Shit, it's freezing in here," Louis started, not happy to take of the his sweatshirt (well actually it was another one of Harry's).

"I know, I'm sorry, this'll only take a minute." And right away Harry got started.

To be honest, Harry kinda liked doing this for Louis because it made Harry feel less like shit about the whole thing, wether or not they got stuck in that cave and Louis getting shot was at all Harry's fault or not, but he didn't really want to think about that.

"I know it's horrible that you got shot but man am I glad it managed to be in the edge of your arm and not some place else."

"Yeah, me too," Louis replied, having not really thought about that too much before.

"And I know I've said this before, but I just would have been crushed if something like that actually happened, like, if it was worse. This, this is bad enough, but that, God, I would have died."

"You really care that much, don't you?"

"I know it probably sounds weird, but I do, and I noticed it even more when all that happened."

That was understandable.

"But how can you care if you barely know the person? I mean, I feel like we know nothing about each other."

"Yeah, I guess that's true, but of course now the focus seems to just be getting and maintaining trust, because you wouldn't trust them if it wasn't a good idea. We can always pick up on stuff about each other whenever."

"Did you always trust me?" Louis suddenly asked, watching Harry very closely. "Like, when we first met?"

Harry thought about this while he started to wrap the wound. "I didn't totally distrust you totally because something told me not to write you off, so I didn't. Some part of me knew that you had to be more than just 'my enemy' and I guess that that part of me was right. Once we started talking, I knew, I just knew, that I could."

"But how? I didn't trust you when I met you, I didn't even trust you when we first started talking, and when you were at that house when I told you about the raid; I didn't really trust you at all."

Harry looked up at Louis for a second. "But you must have; why would you have told me about the raid and all that stuff in the car if you didn't?"

"I don't know," Louis sighed. "I don't know why I told you and I didn't know what I was doing at the time, I don't even know what I was thinking, but still, I don't regret it."

"You don't?"

"Not at all, you-you're everything I never imagined you would be and I don't think I expected something like this to ever happen with you, but I don't regret it, even the bad and unfortunate things." Louis bit his tongue to stop him from going on and on (because he certainly would have).

"I'm glad I surpassed your expectations, and I don't regret any of this either." Harry began as he stepped away from Louis and started putting the items he used back in his bag. "Right up to this moment right now where we sleep on the floor."

"Well, I think I might regret this one though," Louis mumbled, walking over to the makeshift bed. "But of course I sound so fucking spoiled because we slept on that memory foam bed with the down pillows for two nights, sorry." Louis sat down on the blanket.

Harry walked over to the blankets and blew out the nearby candle which was lightening up the room. "Don't apologize, I like it when you sound spoiled."

Louis couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous that was, "oh good, now I can start talking about all the other luxurious things that I'll never have or see again in confidence."

"Like what?" Harry asked, genuinely curious.

"Champagne and chocolate, fire places and-"

"Fire places are luxurious to you?"

Louis looked at Harry. "Sure they are...well, maybe I'm just cold, but either way they're pretty nice."

"Come 'ere." Harry's voice was soft as he lay down on his back.

Louis, both because he had nothing better to do (Harry's sweatshirt wasn't near by) and because he wasn't about to say no to this, lay gently down on top of Harry, letting his head rest on Harry's chest a bit, relaxing into his warmth.

"Now, what's another luxurious thing I can somewhat give you?" Harry asked letting his hand find Louis' own fingers and taking in the scent of Louis' skin (which, per usual, smelled like vanilla; a scent that on Louis, he could never get bored of).

"Home," Louis sighed happily, lightly closing his eyes, "you can make this feel like home."

And for the night, that's just what Harry did.

~~~~~~~~

Sleep came to Louis that night, but it didn't really come to Harry, as he lied awake staring at the paint chipped, cracked and missing ceiling.

He couldn't help but think of the night before; finally kissing Louis and getting a taste of his sweet skin. Not only that, but actually pleasuring Louis. Like, that was so wild and wonderful and magnificent.

Neither of them had had any form of sex recently, last night being the first time either of them got close to any real "action" and it certainly got both of their weeks turning about that's stuff once again.

Harry couldn't get out of his head Louis moaning his name, and every time he thought about it and remembered feeling Louis he felt his insides on fire a bit, not knowing which god to thank for last night. Harry also knew that he didn't need his hand down there to tell him he was more than slightly hard.

Louis, of course, was sound asleep, and Harry knew he was the lucky one. He also wondered just what Louis was dreaming about, because he seemed engulfed in it.

After Harry, knowing he could do nothing about what he (and his dick) were feeling, tried super hard to think about something else, but Harry never reached success, because soon Louis mumbled out something that sounded like "oh Harry" and it instantly excited Harry again.

The glory of the dream didn't end up lasting that long, because soon Louis turned and yawned a bit, a clear sign he was (somewhat) awake. When he turned, Harry could see Louis' face a bit better, and noticed him slowly waking up.

Louis sat up a bit and noticed Harry's eyes watching him. "Oh hi," he responded in a sleepy voice. Then something caught Louis' attention, and that something, was Harry's cock.

"Did we...did we just have the same dream?"

Harry raised his eyes. So that's what Louis was dreaming of! He should have guessed! It made Louis sleep talk Harry's name even hotter.

"Uhhh, maybe? What was your dream about?" Harry asked, wanting to hear more.

Even on the dark, Harry knew Louis was blushing. "Just some stuff." Louis lied.

Harry shook his head. "Oh come on. Alright, I'll tell you what I dreamed about."

Louis nodded.

"Last night."

"Last night? What happened last-oh, yeah."

"Mhm," Harry replied. "And guess what I also dreamed about?"

"What?" Louis asked, intrigued.

Harry suddenly sat up to get closer to Louis. "You getting me off." He whispered.

Louis gasped a little. "Me? That must have been a nightmare."

Harry laughed, but was serious. "I want you to get me off." He whispered into Louis ear.

"But it's so cold and I'm shit at it."

"This'll warm you up I promise. No no you're probably amazing, come on, please? I want you."

"Ok," Louis replied, watching Harry's face arrive up to his and kiss him with a little bit of force (also known as 'confidence').

Harry let Louis push him back down and Louis started fumbling with Harry's sweats and briefs to reveal a shaft leaking precum.

"Lou, please." Harry urged and Louis reached out for it, totally motivated just by Harry calling him 'Lou' no longer as apprehensive about it.

Louis could feel the soft skin and the heat coming from it, not including the additional friction that he created rubbing it up and down.

As Louis got into it, things started to come back; Louis had done a couple of these to guys before, it wasn't anything fancy. But doing it to Harry and hearing him get so worked up and turned on by Louis caused Louis to go on his own version of a high and feel really fucking great that he was able to make Harry feel good.

"Come on, come on, faster, just-" Harry pleaded, causing Louis to step up his game and really start giving Harry the works.

Conveniently, Louis was shot in the other arm, so it caused him no pain to do this for Harry, and he used every tip he had as to how to make this absolutely perfect for Harry, making sure to cup his balls and spread out that precum all over.

Harry then suddenly leaned up and kissed Louis, dragging him over Harry's body a but more, and only causing Louis' arm to slow down a little, as the kiss just magnified their feelings for each other in that intense moment.

"Shit you're so good, Lou." Harry praised while Louis was getting slightly excited himself over how hot Harry was looking right now.

"Oh fuck I'm so close I-"

Louis started to go faster, wanting to make this perfect for Harry by giving him just what he wanted (and more).

"Shit I think I'm gonna-fuck...ahhh." Harry moaned and threw his head back, as his ab and arm muscles clenched, showing off toned abs and sculpted arms while he came all over Louis's chest.

"Ohhh shit," Harry breathed, eyeing Louis with his front covered. "You look so hot like this."

Louis blushed for a minute and Harry's hand reached up and swiped some of the come off Louis' chest, letting Louis lick it off (which was another hot sight to see).

"Are you-do you want me to-"

Louis shook his head, looking down at his sweats and then back up at Harry. "I think I took care of that earlier." Louis replied in a voice that was still recovering from what just happened.

Harry smirked slightly, which kind of caused Louis to be a little bit more an open about what he just did.

"How was it?" Louis asked.

"How was what"

"Me, just now."

Harry's eyes grew slightly wider. "Amazing, you were wonderful."

"Yeah but I kinda had no idea what I was doing."

"But it came back to you, didn't it?"

"I guess it did, but like last night, I didn't last very long," Louis looked at Harry for his physical feelings more than just what he's saying.

"No, but that's ok; it's probably a while since either of us had done something like this, yeah?"

"Yeah," Louis replied, possibly feeling a little bit better now.

"Alright, come on, we should actually try to sleep now."

Louis nodded, and resumed position next to Harry, while Harry fixed up the blankets and gently covered both up of them up.

~~~~~~~~

Louis work up before Harry, and that was probably because he got more sleep than Harry.

This was true, as when Harry said he 'dreamed' of those things, he didn't actually dream then he was just thinking of them, so it was a little white lie, but it was clearly worth it.

At the moment, Louis' arm wasn't hurting nearly as much, and there was a little bit of light peeking through a window that was boarded up.

Louis sat up a bit and ran a hand through his hair, completely amazed at what happened not only last night, but the night before. It was all wonderful, but then Louis stared wondering (and worrying) if he was starting to feel something more. At first he thought Harry did too, with all his flirty this and gentle that, but then it just seemed like it was all for sex, or something like it. So Louis was confused. He was there, thinking, that maybe he was starting to love Harry and all Harry felt was that Louis was good for pleasure and a friend. Why was Louis falling for him? Maybe Harry didn't believe in love, maybe Harry gave up on that a long time ago.

Soon Louis heard Harry move around and knew he'd probably wake up soon. Harry woke up sooner than Louis expected and sat up a little bit behind him, starting to kiss the back of his neck.

"G' mornings." Harry's sleepy voice remarked in between gentle neck kiss.

"Morning," Louis replied back in a voice that lacked emotion.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, moving his head a little so he was in better view of Louis.

"Nothing," Louis lied, "it's...just that my hair is getting long."

Harry glanced at it. "You think so? I like it."

"Yeah, well, thanks, but I guess it'll soon be too long for me, I think."

"Mhm," Harry agreed to make Louis happy; he liked Louis with long hair, he liked Louis with short hair he liked Louis there was no one way to like him or not it didn't matter to him, so he went back to kissing his neck.

"What do Liam and Niall do? They have short hair like, all the time."

"That's a good question," Harry began as he stopped kissing Louis' neck for a second, "I don't really even know myself. I think they made a deal with someone to cut their hair, like a rebel who just happened to know how to do it." Soon Harry's lips found the back of Louis' neck again.

Louis decided he'd ask Niall about it because what Harry just said kinda sounded ridiculous.

"What did you used to do, before, you know, you came here?" Harry then asked.

Louis had to remember to a second. "They had stylists and all kinds of people for this stuff, so I never had to worry about it. Would you ever cut your hair?"

"No, not soon anyway." Harry said in between another kiss.

"How long since you've cut it?"

"Maybe a year or a bit longer. Course it causes me to leave the five minute shower squad but that's not a good enough reason for me to cut it."

Louis could feel Harry's breath on his neck and it was kind of doing things to him.

"I don't think you should cut it."

Harry paused and Louis turned to look back at Harry.

"I like it long," Louis continued, "so don't cut it, yeah?"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

~~~~~~~~

Liam was already up when they made it downstairs and Niall soon emerged five minutes later.

After eating a quick breakfast, they started to pack up the van again. No one disagreed with the fact that they couldn't stay in that house for another night, or even, another five minutes, so Liam, for example, was still drinking coffee while stacking pillows in the trunk.

Since they had more time to travel before it got dark, as they were leaving earlier than the day before, they believed they'd find a nice place this time. But they all knew that there'd only be a few nice places left, and maybe they'd never find one they could call home.

All Louis could think about was how they were driving father and farther away from the lighthouse and into land that looked even more barren and dry. The sun was bright and hot, which was just great for Louis, who had left his sunglasses in one of his bags in the trunk.

An hour later from when they departed, a tiny little barn appeared in view. Since they weren't by any means picky and they all were tired of sitting, Liam pulled up to it and they all stumbled out to take a look.

This time Louis and Harry stayed out, while Niall looked inside and Liam stood right near the van just in case.

On the outside it seemed ok, but of course the thing was really falling a part in every way and turned out to be just a barn filled with hay. Harry was about to give it the outside 'ok' when Niall rushed out and exclaimed "explosives" and they all jumped back five feet.

Not really.

Harry (against Louis' initial and short protest) went inside with Liam, while Niall opted out because the sight of those things got his knee hurting (Louis wasn't sure how that worked, but he didn't say anything).

After a few minutes, Louis and Niall were getting a little anxious about how long it was taking Liam and Harry to figure out the deal with the explosives, so Niall decided to go in and see (since he found them) and Louis stayed outside.

Niall probably wasn't even gone for thirty seconds when Louis saw another car in the distance quickly drive up to Louis and the van, about five feet separating them or so. Louis couldn't recognize any of the people that were getting out of the car, but soon, one figure started quickly walking over to Louis, who didn't know who this person was and what he was doing...until, until, he remembered who it was-

"Louis!" The voice cried happily, realizing Louis was standing there.

It was Zayn.


	11. Chapter 11

"Louis, you fucker, I swear!" Zayn began sounding rather excited he found Louis.

Louis was still shocked about a few things; that Zayn found him, that Zayn remembered him, that Zayn was even still alive.

"We have been searching the whole fucking world for you! Where have you been?"

Louis was stunned. "Where have _you_ been?" He asked, starting to remember things.

"Me? I've never left. Here, you want a cigarette?"

"No no, I-I don't smoke anymore."

Zayn raised his eyebrows and looked at Louis with surprised eyes. "Wow, I guess you did change! Or maybe you just ran out, that's ok, I've got loads now. Your hair did get longer though, man, it looks hot on you like that, actually!"

Louis nodded, hoping that Zayn would just get on with it and leave so that Louis wouldn't have to explain to everyone who this person was.

"So, here's the deal," Zayn began, gesturing Louis to step away from the van and closer to him. "We've got this car, see? And we have this place, it's great, a few miles back, it's got beds and heat and hot water and we were actually bringing some food to it now. Anyway, well, we have a spare bed if you want to come back with me."

Louis glanced back at the barn, certainly getting tempted. "Well, I don't know."

"Oh, come on babe, I found you, you're safe now, it can be like before and you wouldn't have anything to worry about."

Louis looked at Zayn again, and here was someone, who didn't really change one bit. He was skinny and just as gorgeous as before when Louis and him had a thing going on (Louis wanted to make it official but Zayn was just in it for the sex and whatever, because Zayn didn't know what he wanted yet. Well, soon Louis was blindly in love with him and Zayn was coming around to it as well. Then the world blew up and Zayn left for his family. They hadn't seen each other since then).

"Come on, Lou, if you're gonna come with you gotta come now." Zayn was so close to him, his fingers were all over Louis back trying to persuade him. Louis could smell cigarettes on his skin and the sweet smell of cologne Zayn always wore and it took him back for a second. 

"But Zayn, I don't know if I can."

"Why though?" Zayn asked not giving up. "I see you got this van here or something, but we've got a car, and that barns filled with nasty things, trust me, we looked at it also."

Louis stepped away from Zayn and just as he about to say something Louis heard the barn door open. Luckily he was on the other side of the van and blocked by it.

"Zayn," Louis whispered quickly, "I appreciate you trying to find me but I just can't go back with you, I'm sorry."

"Are you sure? Because-" Zayn stopped talking and Louis looked at him to find out why. Zayn was looking right at the barn door where Harry had just stepped out but Harry hadn't noticed either of them yet.

"Zayn, please, go back, before he sees you just-"

"Louis?" Louis heard Harry's voice and he wished Zayn just left already.

"Go." Louis hissed, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Alright, fine, Lou, but you'll probably never see me again and that's shit because I want to see you again."

Louis huffed and shook his head while he watched Zayn sprint back to his car. The people who got out with Zayn filed back in and soon the car sped off and faded away. Louis just watched them leave not sure what emotion to feel.

"Louis? Who was-" Harry's voice made Louis jump.

"Nothing, just-never mind." Louis replied blankly, still looking where the car was. "What's the deal with the barn?" He then asked turning to look back at Harry to dismiss anything he was thinking of and to discourage Harry from asking anymore questions.

"Well, the, uh, explosives are fake," Harry began, not thinking straight as his curiosity ran wild. "So, the barn is, um, fine."

"We're not gonna sleep here, are we?" Louis asked, trying to sound like he cared, but he didn't. His mind was back thinking about Zayn and being in love with him, as well as all the things he'd forgotten about about his old life, as if just then he was hit with all the things he no longer had.

"I don't think so but Liam's intrigued with the barn and there's rumors of a safer place just up there a bit but we're just trying to see if there's anything we can...Louis?"

While Harry was talking, Louis looked back in the direction where the car was, still very much absorbed in thoughts, until Harry woke him back up again. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here, I'm listening."

Harry knew Louis wasn't listening despite what he said, and knew that Louis would probably come around again in a little bit, so he didn't worry.

~~~~~~~~

An hour must have gone by and yet Louis was still totally out of it. Harry didn't know what was up, and he kinda wish he did know, even just a little bit. Granted, he did understand it wasn't any of his business, and all he could do was either hope Louis would tell him, or hope his brain would forget about that strange man and Louis' reaction to him. Either would be good, he concluded.

Once Liam was satisfied with whatever he wanted to get out of those fake explosives (Louis, again, still wasn't listening), they all got back into the van and started driving.

Forty five minutes later they rode up to a small looking house that looked liked nothing more than a dump, but that's was ok for them. They didn't need much (although they wanted much). 

They didn't know that the house was missing a roof until they began looking through it.

"It's gonna feel like you're sleeping outside but you're not." Niall concluded as they walked though each room.

"Wait what?" Louis frowned, and Niall pointed up, causing Louis to follow his finger and see for himself that they would indeed, be sort of like sleeping outside. "Oh," he remarked, once he noticed the sky where a ceiling should be.

"Yeah, it'll be interesting tonight, that's for sure." Liam reassured him.

"But not too interesting, right?" Louis just wanted to sit in peace and think about his feelings but it didn't look like he could do that in privacy.

"Depends on what you define as 'interesting'" Harry remarked smirking.

Niall laughed and Harry smiled but Louis was still very much against the idea of sleeping with no shelter overhead. It was not something he wanted to do at all. 

But Louis didn't protest because he didn't want to start feeling regret that he for not going back with Zayn. He needed some one to stop him from regretting it.

He needed Harry.

~~~~~~~~

Louis couldn't sleep. Nothing made it better, not even lying at Harry's side and letting Harry warm him up, or getting all the kisses in the world from Harry either. Nothing, it was all just, nothing.

Harry knew something was up but decided to just let Louis sleep on it and see how he was in the morning, he didn't want to pry.

But of course, Louis had been thinking about it over and over again so much that he was two steps from going insane, he just wanted to understand what he was feeling and what was going on, but he was so lost and conflicted.

Soon, not even resting on Harry's chest seemed comfortable, and he turned away from Harry now resting totally on the floor. Louis gave out a small sigh and did everything he could think of to get himself to fall asleep, but it yielded no results, nothing.

Harry moved a bit, and Louis felt a finger or two brush upon Louis' bare mid back (they slept shirtless to keep their shirts clean, Harry's idea) but still pretended he was asleep. It was when Louis shifted a little that Harry checked to see if he was awake.

Knowing he shouldn't try to pretend to be asleep anymore, as it was useless, Louis replied with an "mhm" to Harry's "Louis?"

"Are you ok?" Harry asked in his sweet, smooth, raspy, quiet, deep sleepy voice.

Louis rolled over onto his back and turned his head to look at Harry, who lay facing Louis. "Honestly? No."

"What's wrong?" Harry's voice sounded sleepy.

"I don't know, I'm just kinda confused."

"With what? Who?"

"That guy today, that guy."

"Did he hurt you?" Harry suddenly sounded way more awake.

"No no, it's just that, he, he, was someone I knew a while ago, like, a long time ago, and I guess I was just...surprised, to see him again." Harry watched Louis, and listened to him very closely while Louis continued. "He...he asked me to go back with him."

"He did?"

"Yeah, but I said no."

"You said no? Why?"

"Well, because I-I couldn't leave, I guess, and I didn't know if I even really wanted to. When he left me, I never saw him again and I was used to that by now. I forgot about him. But after seeing him today, I just don't know anymore, it, it messed me up." Louis sighed feeling lost.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Not going with him."

"Well n-no I don't but it's just that we-I, I loved him, and when he left he broke my heart. Now he was back and I maybe broke his."

Harry was quiet, just looking at Louis. Louis wanted Harry to say something but he was quiet, and Louis started to feel nervous.

Eventually, Harry spoke, speaking very slowly. "Well, you could have gone, I don't want you to feel like we, or I, stopped you from going."

Louis frowned. "I know, and you never stopped me, it's just that I didn't even know he was still alive and that he remembered me, since he left me so quickly."

"Why didn't you go with him when he left? Not now, but back then."

"I wanted to go find my family and he wanted to go find his. They weren't in the same places and he, well, he wanted me to go to his family and then back to mine, but I knew that we didn't have enough time to travel all the way to his, and still see mine, especially since he didn't even know where his family was. He sort of knew but he wasn't totally sure. One night he left without saying anything. I tried, I did try to find him, but he wasn't anywhere."

"Did you ever find your family?"

Louis shook his head. "No, and that's the thing. If I knew that I wasn't going to find them, I should have stayed and gone with him to his, because then I wouldn't have been alone when all of this happened."

"But you didn't know what was going to happen and you though you were doing the right thing."

"Yeah, I guess I did. Until I realized how stupid I was for letting him go. I just hope that I didn't make the same mistake again." Louis paused for a second and sighed, not knowing how Harry would react to hearing all that Louis went on before Harry could say something. "But then I was worried that if I left you I'd just be making another mistake I'd end up regretting. Oh Harry, I just don't know." Louis let his words stop there before he ended up reveling too much, like feeling confused and in love for two people at the same time.

The fingers on Harry's hand slowly found Louis' hand and gently held them; Louis' fingers were cold and Harry's were nice and warm. That made Louis wonder why Harry's whole body always seemed to be warm while Louis' was always freezing. How was Harry able to put up with Louis' cold hands all the time?

"Lou," Harry began slowly in a very soft voice, "you have to do what feels right and you need to do what's best for you. I probably would have kicked and screamed at the idea of you leaving, but you know what's best and you should do whatever you feel is right, no matter what others think or feel, because your happiness is important, and if anything, I want you to be happy. Ok?"

Louis nodded, grateful for the advice, but still unsure, "how do you know what's best though?"

"That's the thing," Harry answered, squeezing Louis' hand a little bit, "you don't really know, and there's no great way to tell, you just have to trust yourself."

"God, you're so smart." Louis replied, knowing Harry was right about all this.

"Well thanks, but it's actually not that hard to figure out. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, and I know it probably hurt a lot when he left, but there was something that happened that only could have happen if he left. Take this right now. You're here, but would you be if you stayed with him?"

"No."

"Right, and wether or not you think that you being here is a good thing or a bad thing, you're here for a reason to, even if you don't know what that reason is yet."

Louis just looked at Harry, amazed at his reasoning.

"So there's a reason why I didn't go back with him?"

"Mhm, and soon you'll know why you decided to stay, unless you actually want to go after him."

But maybe Louis just realized why he stayed, and maybe some of it had to do with the fact that he didn't want to break Harry's heart (if Harry did indeed feel something for Louis, Louis didn't exactly know yet). Louis knew what it was like to have something perfect just fall apart and leave, and he knew that he'd be doing exactly what Zayn did to him if he left Harry. But there was something so hopeful about seeing Zayn still alive and doing well, like if Zayn could survive then maybe there were more people from Louis' past still alive and out there. Maybe Zayn was searching for him all this time and others still alive looking for him too. Was this Louis' chance to see what was out there for him? It wasn't like he didn't want to stay, he did, Louis wanted to split himself in half, where one half stayed with Harry and the other half went with Zayn.

"Do you still love him?" Harry suddenly asked, and Louis couldn't help but feel surprised to get asked this question. "It's ok, you can be honest or not honest or tell me or not tell me; I was just wondering."

"I, I think that I, uh, used to, love him a lot. But then when he left, it destroyed me, and I tried to forget him. And I think I was able to, but seeing him today just fucked that up."

"So, then you do."

"Shit, I don't know!" Louis exclaimed in a louder voice sitting up. He felt shocked at his own response and suddenly felt bad that he lashed out at Harry, who was only trying to help him. "Sorry, I'm sorry, shit, I'm such a mess tonight." Louis replied in a whisper looking away. He pulled his hand out of Harry's own and ran it through his hair, sort of a nervous tick.

"It's ok," Harry replied still quiet, turning over onto his back feeling bad for prying. He didn't need an answer anymore; the way Louis responded was so much of an "I'm still in love with this guy but I didn't know it until I saw him again but oh shit I love him so much" kind of response giving Harry every conformation he could've ever dreamed of. Maybe he was assuming a bit, but, to be honest, the way Louis had been acting that whole night seemed like he did. If Louis didn't care, he wouldn't be loosing sleep over it. Simple. But he was a mess and he knew he was a mess, so yes, Louis knew it too, he did still love Zayn.

Neither of them slept much for the rest of that night and they both were pissed at each other for how the night went. Harry didn't like how he tried to find out too much and Louis didn't like how he reacted to Harry and the fact that he was still in love with Zayn.

Yes, they slept (when they finally could) pressed up together, but that wonderful feeling and that sense of 'home' was gone. The mirror shattered, and they were the ones that cracked it to pieces.

~~~~~~~~

Louis was worried that he fucked up, causing Harry to think that he didn't like Harry anymore, and Louis knew this when Harry acted, well, distant, in the morning. There were no kisses and flirtyness about Harry. Sure, he was kind and considerate and all that, but not like how he was yesterday morning or the days before. Now Louis had fucked up with two people as supposed to just one.

Because of this, Louis wasn't exactly cheerful that day and Harry was more quiet. They hoped Liam and Niall wouldn't pick up their energy because they didn't want to drag this on to include two more people who didn't need to be involved.

But back to actual important things that mattered, they had two options when it came to their living space; (try to) put a big tarp over the roof to act as a makeshift ceiling or go out and find another building.

On the one hand, Louis was tired of driving around and finding a place to sleep in just to leave it the next day. What if they couldn't find a place? What if they left this one and then came back to see it taken or destroyed since no one was defending it. No, it didn't seem worth it.

But on the other hand, Louis didn't want to stay in a place like this with no roof and only a tarp as protection. On the days when it rained it wouldn't be fun and they'd ruin their tarps in no time, with no guarantee that they could get new ones.

So they split up.

Liam and Harry took the van to look for a new place, while Louis and Niall stayed at the house.

Now alone, Louis asked Niall how they managed to get their hair cuts. Niall told Louis that they cut each others hair. Louis was surprised. 

"Really? You guys know how to do that?"

"Oh sure," Niall nodded, "it's easy, well, after you do it a few times. At first we didn't know what we were doing, nor did we really trust each other. We also were like really bad at it but then we started to get the hang of it."

"Are you sure? I thought you got like this random guy to do it, like another rebel or something." Louis thought back to what Harry told them he thought they did.

"No, where did you manage to get that idea?"

"Harry." 

Niall laughed lightly and then shook his head. "Of course he would tell you that, he has no idea, clearly."

But Louis didn't want to think or talk about Harry. "So, can you cut mine, just like a nice little trim or something. I don't want anything too crazy please. Or maybe Liam would be the better person to ask..."

"No no, don't be silly, I can do it." Niall waved off the idea of Liam doing it and demanded Louis to trust him. So Louis did.

Shortly after Niall got started,  Niall could tell that something was up with Louis, and instead of denying it, Louis was honest, but not as honest and specific as he had been with Harry. He simply told Niall that he could have gone back with his old friends and boyfriend, or stay with Harry, and he stayed. He also told Niall how Zayn left him at the start of all this, and how he pushed him and all those memories right out of his head. Maybe Louis wanted advice or maybe just someone to listen, and Niall was good for that. He liked Niall.

Anyway, Niall's plan was simple. "Talk to Harry."

But Louis had already talked to Harry.

Well, Niall said to "just do it again" and to be "even more honest and tell him what you didn't tell him before."

And Louis promised he'd try again because that was really all he could do at this point, just try.

"Harry's kinds in the same boat as you. Well, he was, he's probably out of it now but anyway, it worked pretty much the same way. Basically this guy left him right when things got bad and it was worse if you were alone because you had no one to watch out for you, and they had bee together for like, five years or something. But yeah he felt horrible and he tried to find him, not giving up on love. Then one day he found the guy but it wasn't a happy reunion, they fought. A few days later he found out he was killed, and from that day the guilt started. He hated himself for getting into a stupid fight. Anyway, except for the death stuff, it's kinda like what you're dealing with, right?"

"Yeah." Louis replied just to be polite and answer the question. "Yeah it is." His mind was thinking about what Niall just told him.

"Alright, well, just try it, can't hurt."

What was Niall talking about again? Oh yeah, talking to Harry. "I will, I will. Thanks."

"Mhm," Niall replied, hoping Louis felt somewhat better. "Anytime."

Did Louis felt better? Maybe. He hoped that after he talked to Harry it would be a definite "yes."

~~~~~~~~

"Louis? You're still up?"

It was Harry. It was an hour from midnight. It was also that same night and it had been a few hours since Louis talked to Niall (and gotten his hair cut), yet his mind was still turning about what Niall told him.

"Yeah, sorry. I couldn't sleep." Louis was siting on his side of the (floor) bed in Harry's big oversized sweatshirt, trying to make it seem like he had trouble sleeping, not that he waited up for Harry.

"You got your hair cut?" Harry asked, walking into the room and closing the door.

Louis nodded slowly. "Yeah, I told Niall and he took care of it."

"That's good." Harry replied, and Louis could tell something was still up. Harry was still acting like he had been the night before.

"Harry, I, I have to talk to you..." Louis began in a quiet voice, getting up from sitting on the floor and walking a little bit over to Harry as he started taking off his boots.

"Alright, just wait a sec, yeah?"

"Oh ok." Louis replied, instantly feeling bad that he was so selfish and instantly started about him. "Did you find a place?" He asked, now trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, but we found it like, just now, so we'll have to move out tomorrow."

Louis nodded, watching Harry look though his bags for something clean to wear. They needed to find a washer (or more clean clothing) soon, as they were all running out of options.

"I'll be back." Harry said, quickly heading into the bathroom, not waiting for Louis' reply. That was ok though, because Louis just wanted to talk to Harry and didn't want it to get too late.

Five minutes later or so, Harry was back in just sweats and with his hair in a bun, carrying his silk shirt and tight jeans. Gently he placed them on top of his bags and then walked over to his side of the 'bed' while taking out his bun.

Louis waited until Harry was settled before even thinking of talking.

"Aren't you cold?" Louis didn't know how Harry couldn't  be cold. It was the coldest night they had run into thus far.

"Maybe a little, but it's ok."

Louis heard the 'maybe' and then got rolling. He took go Harry's sweatshirt off and held it out to him. "Here, you take it. After all, it's yours."

"Yeah but I'll warm up soon, so thank you, but it's ok, I'm alright."

Louis nodded starting to feel the chill of the night again, but decided to not put it back on. Instead, he got up, and delicately put it on Harry's bag, bending down to softly put it on top of Harry's other clothing.

Once Louis got back, he decided it was a good time to speak his mind, so he did. "Harry...I need to apologize for how I acted last night, it wasn't right of me to get so upset and so, emotional about it. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I should have acted better and I'm sorry that I didn't."

Harry was quiet for a second but then finally said something. "You don't need to apologize. It was my fault, I was the one that asked too much when I shouldn't have. I should have respected you more. I guess I just wanted you to understand that you don't have to stay here for me if you don't want to. I don't want to hold you down or make you feel caged up."

"No no, you don't, you never did, I guess I was just confused because I didn't know what I wanted and I didn't know what I was feeling."

"It's ok," Harry began, "you don't have to really know any of that stuff, I don't need any answers, I just want you to be ok, alright?"

"Yeah. But I think I know what I want now."

"You do? That's great. If you tell me I won't get into it, I won't ask, and please don't feel like you have to do something for me, because you don't, by the way." Harry rambled trying to make Louis understand he wasn't going to try to push him into telling him anything he didn't want to.

"No I know, and I'm certain this time, I've spend the whole day thinking about it and now I know." Louis took a deep breath, and Harry watched him, just waiting to see what Louis was going to say. "I want to stay here with you."

Harry's eyes grew wide, and he looked at Louis in disbelief. "Really? I mean, that's great, but you know that you don't have to if you-"

"I know, I know, but I want to stay with you. Harry, I-I don't want to lose you."

"But what about that guy?" Harry literally just said he wasn't going to get into anything but here he was asking around again. At first Louis didn't really like it because it was against everything Harry said he wouldn't do, but then realized that Harry only asked because he cared and wanted to make sure everything was ok. Harry was looking out for Louis' happiness and that was something not everyone did for each other anymore, so why should Louis tell him to stop?

"I thought about him too and I don't have feelings for him anymore. I think I was just in love with the idea of him, but only for a second, it didn't last long."

"But you're sure that it's not because he left and you might never see him again, right?"

Louis didn't know why this was so hard to believe.  "It has nothing to do with that. Even if I saw him regularly or knew where he was, I'd still have no interest in him anymore."

Harry still looked shocked, as he didn't expect Louis to stay. "Well, you were able to get over him really quickly; you've very lucky, I could never get over someone that fast."

Louis shook his head, still getting used to not feeling his hair move around on the back of his neck when he moved his head (that's how long it was getting, it was cut at the perfect time, honestly). "No, it took me ages to get over him. At times I didn't even think it was possible, but then, well, then I met you."

"But you didn't trust me at first, so how did I change that?"

"I don't know," Louis sighed, looking away. "All I do know is that nothing was ever the same after I met you. After you dropped me off and I was back 'home' or whatever, I felt I had to find you again, but I didn't really know why because I didn't have a reason. I think I understand the reason now, but back then I didn't. I just felt it even more when I saw you again and then kept seeing you."

Slowly but surely, even the little things seemed to sort of piece together and start to make sense, as if they were things that made up a complicated truth.

"I understand that," Harry replied lying down on his back, "that night, the night you came with me and we stayed at the lighthouse, to everyone else, they told me I had no reason find you."

"I'm very glad you didn't listen to them. And for everything you did that night I still don't know how I can ever thank you for all of it." Louis breathed turning thinking back to that moment he saw Harry from inside Building 8. Louis knew very well that Harry saved his life, his whole existence from that point on all thanks to Harry. If there were no Harry, if he hadn't met him, he would have never known such an amazing person as Harry, let alone the fact that he'd be dead by now.

"Lou, you don't have to do anything to thank me." Harry reached out and softly touched Louis' hand, sending more tiny shivers down Louis' spine.

"But Harry," Louis persisted, "how did you know to not give up on me? Like when we first met? How did you know? What convinced you?"

"I don't know, but something told me it wouldn't be smart to forget about you." Meanwhile, Harry hadn't moved his fingers from Louis', and Louis was warming up to his touch.

"You're too good," Louis sighed looking down at his own fingers starting to curl around Harry's, "you're just too good for me."

"Really? I always thought it was the other way around, that you were too good for me."

"Oh no, never." Louis responded skeptical.

"Oh sure. You, the well off, rich, popular, unafraid type that had everything going for them in their society in their view of how the world should work, and then there's me, the cause of their frustration and everything they're trying to destroy; you were someone who wasn't stuck in the past, and I thought I wasn't good for someone like that."

Louis thought for a moment. Now Harry was making it seem like Harry wasn't doing anything for anyone, just dragging his feet in the old world as supposed to getting up and moving on. But did Louis really, truly, honestly accept this new world, whatever was left of it? To be honest, Louis never really thought he made the conscious decision to move on and accept the future. More often than not, when faced with the option move on, or hold onto the past, he wasn't given a chance to do what he wanted. Everyone had move on, everyone had to forget, or else risk their lives. Louis always thought Harry knew this, but now it seemed as if Harry lost sight of who he was and what he was fighting for. Was this all Louis' fault?

"Louis?" Harry suddenly asked looking at him closely. While thinking, Louis' eyes had drifted away and he was lost in his thoughts.

With Harry calling his name, Louis quickly looked back at Harry and was back in reality. "Sorry, I was distracted."

"By thoughts?"

"Yeah," Louis replied slowly, and Harry lay back down. "By my thoughts."

Luckily, the night was dry, so there was no apprehension of snow or freezing rain, but it was still incredibly cold.

Despite being closer to Harry, Louis knew that lying down on the cold floor wouldn't be too pleasant, and he'd feel every bit of cold in every inch of his skin as well as his bones. But his back was hurting from the position he was sitting in and he knew his ass would start aching from sitting in one spot the same way for too long. So he slowly lay down, and Harry, welcomed Louis' soft skin (that smelled like vanilla) and cold body next to his.

"If there's one thing I wished this house had still..." Louis mumbled under his breath, more to himself but Harry picked up on it.

"What would that be?" Harry asked full of curiosity, ready to give Louis the sun and whatever was left of the stars, as well as the moon and everything in between.

"Heat. I've never been fond of the cold."

"But you get so cute when you're cold," Harry cooed, slightly pulling Louis in closer. "Plus, if we did have heat, I wouldn't have a reason to be here right now, right? You wouldn't need me."

"I don't know if that's entirely true, I think I'd need you even more if this place had heat."

"Why?"

"Those noisy radiators, the ones that pop, wake me up and I can't sleep. It's bad because sometimes they freak me out so much and I forget what the sounds coming from."

"Basically someone to save you from the loud radiators, yeah?"

"Well, I didn't wanna put it like that, I can manage, thank you. It just that they startle me a bit sometimes. Nothing I can't handle thought, I guess I'd just rather not be alone."

"In a room with those radiators or ever?" Harry asking, knowing this question kinda didn't make any sense, but decided why not, since it was after midnight and the cold was freezing up their brains a little bit too much to make any sort of sense, plus, Louis didn't seem to particular about this kinda stuff.

"Ever." Louis replied with a sigh. "But I feel like that's the same for everyone. No one wants to be alone, I mean, I guess there could be people that would like to be alone, but I guess, in terms of me, yeah, I'm with those that would like to just, have someone. I don't know, is that a weird thing for me to want?"

"No, not at all, and I think in a time when you can't really trust people and the individual is seen as a stronger force than a group or even just two people, it's refreshing to hear you say that."

Louis felt relived. "Oh I'm glad it is, and maybe that's a little bit of the past I can't let go of; the idea that I don't want to be alone."

Harry turned his head a bit and looked at Louis, and in a low and slightly serious voice he spoke once again. "Please don't ever let go of that little bit of the past."

Louis, lost in Harry's eyes was willing to say yes or no to whatever Harry asked of him, agreed, knowing that he'd make a big mistake if he ever did truly move on.

~~~~~~~~

There was just something about Harry's fingers holding Louis close, and there was something even more when they lightly dragged against his skin as Harry shifted slightly. It was all so gently and so tender; everything about Harry just seemed to care so much about Louis, from the way Harry lay so that Louis could rest comfortably upon him, to the way Harry was always checking to make sure Louis was warm enough.

But it was the fact that Harry was there, with him, holding him, not letting him go and making sure everything was ok, that caused Louis to feel ok again, a certain type of ok that Louis hadn't felt since he was back in the early days of dating Zayn (also known as infatuation). But this was more that that, this was even past the old puppy love stage. This was something more and it was mutual, as far as Louis could tell, and hoped it was. But he wasn't really worried that it wasn't, there was no way Harry was being this way if Louis was just another someone to him. No way in hell would Louis just only be this random stranger when Harry happened to adore him.

Everyone else would have thought them both to be totally nuts for not sleeping with shirts on and for not dressing in all the layers they could find to stay warm, but for them, it wasn't about that. Yes they were cold and wanted to warm up, but they wanted each other (as much as only they themselves secretly knew) and they used the fact that they slept shirtless to be so close to each other. It was an excuse, but to them it was worth it, and they knew that if no one found out there'd be no problem at all.

At this point, the both of them were totally accustomed to each other and how the other person slept, so they didn't mind each other or were alarmed by anything. Harry didn't freak out when Louis' face appeared to be buried in Harry's neck, and Louis wasn't bothered by Harry's hands keeping him close.

At some point during the night, Louis woke up with his head resting on Harry's shoulder. Harry (who was on his back), appeared to be fast asleep, so Louis didn't dare wake him up, but with his spare left hand, started to gently trace over Harry's butterfly tattoo, watching it slight rise and fall as Harry's chest breathed deeply.

Underneath Louis' fingertips, Harry's skin was smooth and warm. Harry was everything Louis had ever hoped to find, smart, caring, gentle, sweet; it seemed like Harry was nothing short of perfection, and Louis had to wonder that if the world hadn't fallen apart, would he know such an amazing person? Harry was everything and yet nothing Louis had ever dreamed of before meeting him, but now, Harry was the only thing Louis wanted, ever, ever, _ever_.

Harry sighed slightly but showed no other sign of waking up, so Louis didn't stop lightly gliding his finger over Harry's chest, until Harry slightly shifted under Louis, to which Louis thought "oh fuck" and picked his finger up, thinking he woke up Harry.

Louis looked up at Harry, waiting to see if he would wake up or go back to sleep. Slowly Harrys' eyes opened and looked into Louis' eyes. Harry smiled a bit as if remembering who was here besides him. Then he closed his eyes again, but spoke to Louis oh so quietly. "You don't have to stop."

"Really? I didn't want to wake you up."

"No no, don't worry. It was relaxing, actually." Harry replied very slowly, his voice wonderfully deep.

So Louis started to run his fingers over the lines of the butterfly tattoo again, but being more gentle this time, as to not wake up Harry any more. But Harry wanted to be awake if Louis was, so he opened his eyes again and looked at Louis.

"When's your birthday?" Harry asked, a little bit more awake. Louis looked up at him and noticed his eyes sparkling right at Louis. Louis felt his cheeks heat up a bit as if Harry was looking into his eyes for the first time ever.

"The 24th of December."

"Really? That's pretty cool, and rare, I think. Or maybe it isn't, I don't know."

Louis laughed a bit at Harry's whole thought process about Louis' birthday and knew he'd make less sense half asleep too, but he liked hearing Harry talk so it didn't matter what Harry said back at all.

"What about you?" Louis asked Harry, "when's yours?"

"First day of February. Kind of an awkward date but it works."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, normally, when your birthdays coming up, like for you, you have a month to kind of, bask in that glory. First day of the month is so quick and sometimes it's felt like you've never left January. Course now, who knows what month we're in."

"I think we're in September." Louis guessed, really having no clue since he kept no track of this kinda stuff anymore, turning his head to look at the sky above.

"Really? I always thought October or maybe even early November."

"No, too warm for November."

"Too warm? What about tonight? I think is pretty cold tonight."

"Well, yeah, because the weathers fucked up, but during the day it's not this cold."

Harry didn't reply and Louis turned to look at Harry, not sure why Harry was so quiet all of a sudden.

Harry was looking at Louis more adoringly then before, and Louis knew that if Harry could see Louis perfectly well he'd know Louis was blushing.

"What?" Louis asked feeling himself start to smile at Harry, but wanting to know what this was all about.

"You're so cute when you swear."

"Cute? Me?"

"Oh yeah," Harry stretched a little, "but sometimes you're really hot when you do it."

Harry's words caused a small shiver up Louis spine and he lay his head back down on Harry's chest.

For a while, the two of them just lay there. Louis was filled up with so many emotions and feeling to Harry, who was non stop throwing every angle of perfection for Louis to love, there was no doubt about it that Louis loved Harry. And maybe Louis seeing that Harry liked the little things and cared so much about him caused Louis to realize something he felt all along but never really understood until now.

Louis wanted to tell Harry something. The second he knew it he just wanted, no, needed to tell him, because it was maybe the one thing he was certain about. To make things easier (and to be able to tell better if Harry was still awake), Louis lifted his head up again and moved closer to Harry. "Harry?" He asked in a quiet voice.

No response. Harry was asleep. Just as Louis was about to lay down again and maybe try sleeping, Harry's eyes popped open, right into Louis'.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to wake you I just-I can tell you later."

"No it's fine, you can tell me now." Harry blinked a few times as to wake up for good now.

"I keep waking you up, I'm sorry, I really should stop." Louis continued feeling so stupid, slowly moving back down.

"Louis please, it's ok, don't worry about it. Every time I wake up and I wake up next to you and its perfect."

"Are you sure though? I can tell you later or-"

"Lou, you can do whatever, but you can also tell me now. I like hearing you talk, it's rather...soothing."

Louis frowned, never having his voice be as dubbed 'soothing,' but he decided that if Harry thought it was, it was, Harry wouldn't lie about something like that.

"Ok, well, uh, Harry, I, uh, I think that I-"

A big bolt of lightning accompanied by a crash of thunder came booming and blinding what felt like right over their heads, causing Louis to do nothing but bury his head down back into Harry and hold onto him, feeling Harry's heat beat in his chest and the smooth skin under him. Of course Harry took the opportunity to latch onto Louis and not let him go, until the thunder had finished and they both slowly looked up at this sky.

A slow drizzle started and Louis knew this was bad news. They got up incredibly fast, Louis following Harry, as they each ran down to where Liam and Niall were (but of course, Louis grabbed Harry's sweat shirt and all Harry could find was a regular t shirt but that was ok, no one cared about any of that stuff in that moment).

As they raced throughout the house and frantically packed up the van in the pouring rain, Louis thought it was pretty ironic how what he was going to say never got said. He couldn't help but think that the thunder and lightning happened for a reason, as if saying those three words would have done more damage than a late night thunder storm.

~~~~~~~~

It didn't matter that it was dark out, it didn't matter that it was stormy and it didn't matter that they were all startled and half asleep, they scrambled into the van and started driving.

Harry was driving, as he knew where the new place was more than Liam did, but Liam stayed in the front seat to navigate.

On the way out of the house while they were loading the van, Harry was holding one of the blankets used for their bed, but gave it to Louis when Harry noticed how much more soaked Louis was than Harry, even though he had a sweatshirt on. Louis was going to give the blanket back to Harry, as Harry's shirt was soaked through, but, just like Louis knew he would, Harry refused to take it back.

So while they drove to the new place in the midsts of a storm, Louis was wrapped in the blanket after having taken the sweatshirt off while everyone was still getting in the van and he had a moment. The blanket was soft and warming over his skin, and it made him feel like he was back in Harry's arms; a calming thought.

Almost thirty or so minutes after they started driving in the midst of the rain, storm and wind, Harry pulled up to a place that looked rather gloomy.

"This is the place?" Liam asked, not moving from his seat.

"Yeah, this is the place."

"It looked different during the day."

"I know, but it's just because its dark; I know this is the place because of that fallen tree and the two smashed in windows on that side of the wall." Harry gestured with his fingers, aiming to one part of the building.

"What kinda building did this used to be?" Niall asked, peering forward, aching to get out.

"Not sure, maybe a plant or a warehouse."

"But it's too small to be anything like that." Liam reasoned frowning.

"Maybe those were offices," Harry replied quickly, unbuckling his seatbelt and starting to get flustered, "but it doesn't matter, it'll do for the night, yeah?"

Louis knew it would be fine for the night. He had no want to know what building it used to be or why it's roof was still some what attached and why hasn't anyone tried to burn it down yet, he didn't care; all he really wanted to do was to get inside, lie down, and curl up asleep next to Harry. All night he was wondering what could help him to fall asleep and now he knew that a late night drive in the rain wrapped in a blanket dreaming of Harry's arms was all it took from the start. If only he knew it sooner.

~~~~~~~~

Again, no bed.

Harry didn't know if he should be happy or upset by this, but he reasoned he was now spoiled. But then again, the floor was starting to hurt his against his back causing him to loose sleep.

But he didn't say anything. If he told Louis, he knew that Louis would instantly blame it all on himself for lying on Harry too much and weighing him down. But in reality, Louis wasn't doing anything like that, and it was thanks to Louis that Harry was no longer cold at night.

What was nice about this place was the fact that it had a roof, a significant upgrade from their last one. Other than that, the place had been trashed, but that didn't matter.

Louis, still very out of it, stumbled behind Harry into what would be their room and watched Harry spread out the blankets and put the pillows down.

"Next time I'll find a place with a bed, I promise." Harry began, folding a blanket back up because it was too wet by the rain to be used.

"I don't need a bed." Louis replied blinking a few times, just waiting for Harry to be done getting the 'bed' ready. "I just need you." Louis mumbled, feeling his heart talk, maybe for the first times in ages.

Harry heard Louis but didn't stop fixing the blankets, knowing that Louis was just two minutes away from falling asleep. "I still wanna find you a place with a bed and heat though. We won't have anything until I find that, and I will find it."

Louis wanted to disagree, saying that he didn't need any of that stuff anymore, but instead he yawned.

"I gave Liam and Niall that extra blanket, so now we're gonna be two short tonight since this ones wet."

"Wait," Louis responded, taking a few steps over to meet Harry and slowly removing the blanket from his shoulders, "here."

The air was cold and it bit Louis' skin as he handed it over to Harry.

Taking it from Louis silently, Harry arranged it as the cover blanket over the one for the bottom while Louis looked on.

Louis no longer struggled to keep his eyes opened as he watched Harry take a few steps away form the bed and taken off the shirt that was soaked by the rain. Even Harry's hair was wet, and it dripped down on his chest as if he just took a shower.

A stray finger made its way into Louis' own hair, feeling how wet it was too. Knowing that he probably looked like shit with his hair like this, Louis sat down on the blankets, not trying to make it look to obvious that he was trying to fix his hair.

Harry then sat down on the bed too, but leaned back to that he was more or less actually lying down.

Outside, the thunder still boomed and the lighting still crashed, not being very considerate of anyone trying to get some sleep.

"Harry," Louis began quietly, "can we ever go back to the lighthouse?"

Harry turned and looked at Louis, finding his eyes even in the darkness. "No, we can't."

This wasn't the answer Louis was expecting and hoping to hear. "What? Why not?"

"Th lighthouse don't exist anymore."

Louis looked at Harry, shocked, stunned and confused. "It doesn't exist anymore? What are you talking about?"

"The lighthouse," Harry replied in a rather indifferent voice speaking over some thunder and pounding rain, "is gone."

"Gone? What does that mean? What happened?" Louis asked quickly, starting to feel rather alarmed. "How can it just be gone?"

"It's been destroyed; the lighthouse no longer stands."

Louis fell back onto his pillows stunned, questions forming on his mind. It felt like the worst thing on earth just happened when Harry said it no longer existed, and the biggest question of all was, why did Louis care so much about the lighthouse? The harsh wind blowing outside poked holes in his thoughts.

"When did it happen?" Louis asked in a weak voice a minute or two later.

"A few weeks ago. I drove by it and all that remained was ruble, as if it was hit." Harry looked over at Louis, whose eyes were glued to the ceiling, as if waiting for the rain to start dripping through whatever was left of the roof. "I would have told you sooner, but I knew how much it meant to you and I didn't really know how to explain it, since I don't really know what happened myself."

"Oh but it was just a house! Just a building! There was nothing wrong with it! Are you sure it's gone? Are you positive that you saw the ruble from the lighthouse? What if it was just another building?" Louis pleaded desperately, slightly jumping when lightning lit up everything in the room in ways nothing should be that bright at that time of night.

"No, it was the lighthouse, for sure. The hill was the same hill that had that view, one of the only hills left looking down on all that land. Yeah, that was the lighthouse alright."

Louis sighed, feeling a huge blow to his happiness; even the arm he got shot in started hurting, as if a reminder of all the evil in the world, as if Louis needed any more reminders of its abundance. The rain and thunder were noisy and they too made his brain hurt, besides Harry's news of the lighthouse.

"I put so much work and time into that damn house, and for what? In one instance it was ruined, a total loss, all that effort and care to create something in a world where people just destroy things." Harry sighed, pulling his body up to a sitting position, and continued in a serious tone. "And I thought no one could touch it. I thought it would last forever. I shouldn't have been so optimistic. Whoever found it shouldn't have ruined it; you'd think they would have stayed in it, I would prefer that than loosing the whole thing, but no, they eliminated it for whatever fucking reason. Louis, a place like that was all I could ever dream of because it was like the past where nothing, to this extent, was wrong, and it was perfect. It was perfect, it could have been home. Not just for me, but for you, and Liam, and Niall; we could have had a home in the middle of all of this, a home, a real home."

"But didn't you say you could never actually live there, because it wasn't yours to begin with?"

"We'll see, that's what I thought. I didn't think it was right of me to take what isn't mine, but I guess that's less shitty than destroying something that isn't mine. I guess I was just trying to be nice, but I should have fought for it, shouldn't have been so fucking ignorant about what could happen."

"Do you know who did it? If you did I bet we could find them and find out why, or something."

Harry shook his head, causing Louis to notice his hair was drying in beautiful curls and waves. "I tried. I searched and I looked all over. I don't think it was a rebel though."

Louis gasped, suddenly feeling dizzy. "No, you think it's-"

"It makes a lot of sense that it was a-"

"Really? But why?" Thunder boomed and it caught Louis off guard because for a second he thought maybe the storm was ending. "How? I thought they were all destroyed when my building blew up, or something."

"Not all of them. Plenty still roam around and are more loyal than ever. They'll kill any rebel they find because they know they're becoming the minority and they want revenge. They want to be on top again, they want to take control for good now. No more games."

Louis didn't like this. Louis didn't like this one bit. He regretted asking about the lighthouse and didn't want to hear anymore about it. All Louis could think about was his and Harry's first night in the lighthouse. How awkward they were sleeping together, and flash forward to now when they need to be smushed up to one another in order to even close their eyes. How quickly everything changed and how wonderfully it was escalating, and it was all thanks to that first night. Where would Louis be without the lighthouse? Where would he be without Harry? Dead, that's where.

The storm outside wasn't making anyone feel any better, and as much as Louis could wish it would just stop, he could do nothing to control it, just like he could do nothing to bring back the lighthouse, or change the past. 

"Oh Harry," Louis began with a cracked voice, feeling totally consumed by his worries and the crushing reality of life, "what if, what if they try and break us? What if they-they, try to ruin us like the lighthouse? Harry, I can't, please." Louis paused, mind stalling for a second as he felt the rain washout some of his thoughts. "I don't wanna be destroyed." Louis looked over at Harry, suddenly tuning out the storm by sheer will power that this moment between the two of them was bigger and more important that any storm could ever be.

Louis then watched Harry turn to look at him, eyes not drifting.

"I'm not going to let them do that. They can wipe out a building but they can't get rid of us. Not you, or me, and certainly not the two of us. That's something I won't let them have."

"But how? How can you stop them? You've been saying they're after you and if they are, and if something happens-"

"They've been after me for ages and nothing's happened." Harry paused as crash of lightning flashed and lit up the room. While waiting for the thunder to happen, they were quiet, and only after it boomed Harry continued. "Four counts between the lightning and the thunder, that means the storms closer now."

"Wait, what?"

"You can tell where the storm is and how close it is to you by seeing how long it takes thunder to come after lightning. The sooner it thunders the closer it is. If lightning strikes but then there's quite a pause after, the storms farther away."

Louis was impressed, and found his eyes looking over at the only window in the room as if to try and test this theory. "How did you know that?

Harry shrugged. "Not sure, just something I've known for a while, I think, and I guess it stuck with me."

Louis nodded, knowing something like that would probably never stick with him because of the sheer nuisance of it.

"But anyway," Harry began again, causing Louis to turn away from the window and look back at Harry, "I think we'll be ok. Maybe things won't be great, they're getting harder, I know it, but we're not alone, and that's the important thing. Someone would go crazy trying to live in this world alone, and I'm glad that's not one of our worries anymore."

"How hard do you think things'll get, even though we aren't alone?"

"I don't know, probably pretty hard as time starts to pass by and everything around us runs out. Like, Liam's collecting the rain water because we started to run low on our supply two days ago, but what if it just stops raining? We're gonna have to stop using the van soon unless we find some more fuel somewhere, which is highly unlikely. Eventually no building will be left standing that's safe for us and we'll be stuck sleeping outside. Guns are great if there's bullets, but soon we'll have no more rounds left."

"What then?" Louis asked, suddenly frightened by this idea of everything running out on them, and so soon.

"You have to either just manage, give up, or give in. And so far, the only thing that's reasonable is to manage. Giving in and surrendering to the people that destroyed the lighthouse isn't going to be easy."

Louis remembered what it was like whenever they captured someone, back when he was working for the people in charge. Depending on who this person was and what they were doing in terms of rebellion, caused their fate at the hands of the most powerful people in that society. It wasn't pretty. The people that just followed along but didn't really do much sabotaging were thrown into solitary. Those that were masters at rebellion were executed after harsh questioning, and death was always certain. No one was afraid to use death as punishment.

Louis knew that he, and Harry, would be in huge trouble if they were caught, or surrendered. Louis could no longer say he was a spy and only stayed around because he wanted to see what Harry was doing, no, he stayed by Harry's side for too long and through too much to turn him in. Too many things (kisses) happened that changed his mind about all that.

So Louis knew that things for him wouldn't be good, and things for Harry would be pretty bad too. The people in charge were after Harry, they wanted him alive, and they wanted him asap; he was holding up everything they were trying to do. At first, Louis believed it, but now it seemed like Harry was just trying to survive; it felt like they hadn't pulled sabotage in years, and maybe Harry was realizing it was a lost cause, nothing he could do would ever make that much of a difference. Not now, not ever. Maybe he gave up.

"How long do you think you can out run them?" Louis asked, coming back to the conversation and leaving his thoughts with a little help from the storm.

"I don't know, but I'll keep trying till I can't. I hope, though, that they thought I was in the lighthouse, because then, they'd stop trying to come after me thinking they already killed me. That's the only positive aspect about that whole thing, and it's such a twisted thing to say but-"

"Yeah yeah, I understand, and I hope they think that too, not that I like that idea, but if it's gets them to leave you alone, then fine, by all means, let them think that." Louis sighed. "Are you still trying to fight them?" 

"Not really, I kinda gave that up because I didn't know if it was such a good idea anymore. I guess my priorities changed." Harry's eyes found something in the distance, causing them to look away from Louis.

"But why? I thought that was the most important thing, to fight them."

"Oh I'll still fight them, but I guess now I don't want to be so careless about that stuff anymore. Before, I didn't really care what happened to me, if I was caught or trapped, shot even. Now I do, and those are all things I want to avoid. In order to avoid them, I had to give all that sabotage stuff up."

That's what Louis expected, and just like Louis also expected, more wind gusts outside. "Do you miss it?"

"Miss sabotaging them? A little, my days are more lazy and boring, but overall, not really. Being alive and not putting life at risk constantly is way more worth it. And it's all thanks to you, I only could have found that out after spending nights like this, and it's changed everything for me."

"Changed everything, like, made everything bad? As in, I caused you to give up everything you were fighting for because I didn't want to be alone?" Louis asked, concerned he was being too selfish.

"No no, not like that, but I guess, I don't know; you helped me realize that life was so much better like this, with someone to talk to and just, have there, to not always be trapped inside your mind all the time. You just made everything better, and I guess I didn't want to loose that, so I gave it up, all the diversions and sabotaging meant nothing to me anymore, not if it put you and me at risk."

Louis was charmed and confused, "but why would that stuff put me at risk? I wasn't the one going out and doing all of it."

"If they got at me its just one person down that's closer to you. I don't know what I'd do with myself if you got hurt due to a careless mistake by me or an unfortunate event."

Louis nodded, not wanting to think about that stuff, moving on a bit knowing that the storm would probably finish by the time they'd think about stopping the conversation for the night. "Well, Harry, I don't know what I'd do without you in a world like this, well, actually, I don't know what I'd do without you in a regular world either." Louis looked at Harry, who turned and looked at Louis, watching him closely.

But after awhile, Harry didn't say anything, just looking at Louis, with eyes Louis couldn't read. The thunder was starting to get louder than his thoughts, which was possible bad news.

"Please say you'd need me too." Louis sighed, not sure why he didn't just keep that thought to himself, but it made Harry smile, and break his gaze for a minute, looking down at his hands resting on the blankets.

"Of course I would need you, Louis, there's no way on earth I could ever make it a day without you. You're too...amazing. I've never met someone like you and I know that I could meet everyone left on earth and they'd never be like you. It might be true that I don't know that much about you, but I'd never let that stop me from needing you. Lou, I don't think I can get enough of you, and yet, I'm ok with that, because, that way, I'll never stop wanting you."

Maybe it was because it was late and stormy and it felt like the world outside was trying to destroy the beauty between them, but Louis knew that was the sweetest thing he had ever heard from anyone before, ever. It caused Louis' cheeks to heat up, and Louis to look away, not wanting Harry to see how his words affected him. "You're making me blush," Louis breathed, still not looking at Harry as he felt a smile start to appear, and so many things inside him start to come alive, so many feelings and emotions.

"Aw, the lights shit, I can't really see it anyway, but even if I could, I know that you look cute when you blush."

Louis looked up a little bit and noticed Harry so close to him, just like how he liked it. "Harry...you're just...something else, something I never expected I could find, someone I started to think couldn't be alive anymore, because only evil and horrible things seemed to exist in this world."

"Maybe we're the lucky ones, if we're some of the only good ones left."

"But I don't think we'd be very good alone; I know I'd still be a horrible person if I hadn't met you."

"I think that's a bit of an exaggeration," Harry replied thinking, "you just didn't know what you were doing, and you were never horrible; what do you think got me hooked on you? You must have not been that bad after all, or, less than you think."

Hooked on you.

_ Hooked on you. _

Louis could feel things get even better despite the hurricane outside the window.

"I didn't know I had that capability to affect people like that." Louis responded humbly, not sure if Harry was telling the truth or if this was just hot air.

"Everything you do, every aspect and ever bit of you is a reason to be hooked. It could be that I'm loosing my mind, but shit, I think I'd be pretty crazy to not be amazed at you."

Louis smiled, realizing that Harry was just so smooth with his words he could have been totally lying and Louis would still be wowed.

"Harry, you're perfect," Louis replied sounding a little dreamy, despite the unsleepy settings.

Harry laughed softly, and although Louis could have proved this point more, he didn't, knowing Harry would understand.

And Harry did, he totally understood everything, going so far as to take Louis' hand and pull him in for nothing more than a hug, because it was just the perfect moment for that sort of action, honestly.

Louis fell into Harry's arms and nothing felt more right at that moment for either of them; Harry was always so pretty and comforting, like a rose, and it was quite interesting that Harry actually had a rose tattoo on his arm, because Harry was everything that a rose was. Gentle and caring, but get on his bad side or do something that wasn't right and he'd fuck you up, just like a thorn on a rose. Harry's beauty was unique and wonderful and he was always true to himself, not wanting to ever be something that he was't or someone else.

Louis was cold to Harry's warm body, but it was a refreshing cool and featured silky lightly tanned skin that was just as soft as Louis was. Perfection.

"Come on, we gotta sleep." Harry told Louis sitting himself up a bit and letting Louis fall slightly from his grasp.

"With all this commotion of the storm? Never." Louis replied knowing that he probably sounded like a bratty kid, wanting to stay safe in Harry's arms forever.

"We have to at least try; we'll be a mess tomorrow if we don't get some sleep."

Louis sighed, knowing Harry had a point. "You're right, you're right, per usual."

"Honestly," Harry began, starting to lie down. "I'd rather stay awake a little longer too." Now no longer sitting up, Harry shifted a bit, rearranging his position against the blanket and the hard floor. With their spare blankets soaked by the rain, there was less of a padding on the floor, so it felt more uncomfortable than normal.

"I don't wanna stay awake necessarily," Louis stated, talking over more thunder, "I just wanna stay in your arms." Louis was still sitting, looking at Harry lying down and not too sure what he wanted to do with himself now.

Harry smiled, and moved a little closer to Louis. "C'mere," Harry suggested, staring up in Louis' eyes. "You can stay in my arms as long as you want to."

"All night?" Louis asked, slowly moving closer to Harry, taking the cover blanket with him and pulling it over the both of them while fitting right into Harry.

"Forever, if you'd like."

Louis liked that. Louis liked forever.

~~~~~~~~

The storm finally stopped. At most a few drizzles at best but it was quiet outside, totally quiet. 

It was no earlier than dawn, and Louis was still plastered into Harry in a deep sleep. Harry, though, was awake, and yet tried hard to fall back asleep, even just for a little bit. It wasn't time to get up yet.

Although he slept well, Harry felt somewhat out of it, as if he didn't sleep all night. He decided that he probably didn't get enough sleep, and that caused him to still feel tired.

If it was a little bit later, he decided, he would have told Niall and Liam that today was canceled and they could just sleep for the day and catch up on all the hours of sleep they missed. They could always do whatever they needed to later, since now the deadlines they made were their own.

But Harry didn't do that. Instead he shut his eyes and tried to cut out the light creeping through the window and think sleepy thoughts.

The day itself felt lazy, as if possibly Niall and Liam would want to sleep in, but there was a sense of uneasiness in Harry that something just wasn't right. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time; back to when he was on his own and the world had (somewhat) exploded, and yet he didn't understand it. 

Harry was slightly restless. He wanted to be asleep and back in a state of peace, dreaming of Louis, but he was awake next to a sleeping Louis.

The way Louis' hair was fringed on the side and the way his face was so soft lying against Harry's chest was so sweet and pure and innocent. One of Harry's arms wrapped around Louis' body holding him tight and close. Harry's other hand lay across his chest, and some of Louis' fingers were lazily wrapped around Harry's.

Harry could see a 28 on Louis' left ring and middle fingers, but the numbers were faded, as if it was a tattoo from long long ago. Harry noticed that Louis' other tattoos weren't fading like the 28 one, so Harry was curious, what did this 28 mean? Why'd he get it done on his left hand, and why didn't he get it re done? How long ago had he had it?

As Harry's mind wrapped around hypothetical instances that could fit as answers to his questions, Harry felt Louis move a little bit, and Harry instantly hoped Louis was comfortable.

With a hand on Louis' smooth back, Harry began lightly running his fingers over the skin, very lazily as he watched Louis' beauty, something so captivating Harry didn't even realize he was staring.

Louis, deep in sleep, didn't really notice anything at first, and Harry was glad to see he wasn't bothering him.

Pretty soon though, Louis moved a little, but then was still. Harry continued to run his fingers over Louis' skin, until he heard a small sigh. Harry focused on Louis' face more (as supposed to just letting his eyes rest on him) and stopped his fingers dragging along Louis' back.

Waiting to see if Louis would wake up or just go on sleeping, Harry realized he really liked that little bit of scruff on Louis' beard because it felt rater interesting on Harry's own skin. When they first met, Louis was clean shaved, but then that changed when Louis started to live with the three of them. Not always having a razor or even enough time, a little bit of it would grow back, and Harry knew he wanted to see what that felt like against his skin at some point.

All thoughts in Harry's mind stopped as Louis opened his eyes slowly, very slowly, somewhat looking at all that was around him with ease, before stopping at Harry's face, eyes specifically.

"Hi," Louis responded in a sleepy voice back at Harry's adorning gaze.

"You're so gorgeous..." Harry told him, announcing (and hinting) to Louis he'd been admiring Louis for a while. 

Louis turned his face into Harry's neck, because he started blushing and his eyes wanted to close to pretend he was asleep just so that he could keep waking up with Harry this close and this sweet to him every time and all the time.

Now with Louis slightly more on top of Harry, the hand that wrapped around Louis' back now came up and started to move along it again.

His fingers didn't get very far when Louis picked his head up up from Harry's neck and just looked at Harry.

"Yes, babe?" Harry asked in a gentle voice, eyes glued to Louis.

Instantly Louis felt the affects of Harry calling him 'babe;' his stomach flipped a little and he felt a shiver up his spine, all feelings related to excitement, for sure. Louis also blinked a little bit, and felt what he wanted to say just leave his mind, causing him not know anymore, but that was ok.

Harry, seeing what happened, did the next best thing besides talking, leaned up and kissed him. It has been quite a while since they last kissed (it was and it felt like even longer), and deep down they both really missed it. The kiss was gentle and soft and Harry could feel Louis inch closer to him and that made Harry kiss slightly harder to show Louis just exactly what he was getting into. Soon Louis' hands found Harry's chest, feeling Harry's the smoothness of skin while they kissed.

Harry's own hands reached Louis hips and held them on top of Harry's lap, and this whole concept of being held, kissed, and practically on someone's lap straddling them was hot, really hot, and it kinda caused Louis to get distracted, so Harry took more control of the kiss back, which was fine; Louis liked the way Harry made him feel all over (it was unlike anything, and anyone, else).

Slowly Harry pulled away and both of their faces were flushed and they were slightly out of breath. Louis felt one of his own hands brush through his hair. "Fuck, my hairs a mess." He breathed trying to fix it, not sure wether it was best to draw attention to it or to just ignore it.

"On you, there's no such thing as a mess," Harry replied as if he had thought about a response to "my hairs a mess" all night or something.

Louis' hands slowly fell from his hair and Louis just looked at Harry for a minute, who was of course still looking at him. "Harry...you're so good to me. I don't, I don't know what I did right and who I pleased to get the chance to meet you, because we probably never would have met if the world never fell apart, you know?"

"Yeah, and I can't really curse the damage done to the world anymore because it's given me something amazing that I might not have ever had if this hadn't happened."

"Given you what? Niall and Liam?"

Harry shook his head. "No, you. Of course it's you," Harry paused and sat up bit. Louis, who had been resting on Harry's hips, rolled off to the side and fell gently onto the blanket, but Harry didn't want him to get away, so Harry turned to his side and faced Louis, who was now settling in next to Harry. "I just never expected it to turn out like this, but what a wonderful surprise."

"Well, what did you expect?"

"I don't know. Basically just being lonely. And maybe it's selfish of me to say things like that, if you start to think that all of this happened because I didn't want to feel lonely anymore, which I guess you could say is true." Harry frowned, not really sure what point he was trying to prove.

"But why is it selfish of you? Actually I think it's quite brave of you to try something like this now, when everything's a mess and nothing's safe and you can't trust anyone."

"I appreciate you calling it brave, but it's really not. I'm just stuck in the past, fighting for what life used to be like. But I'm sick of fighting. It just felt like I was running in circles. I don't want to keep going no where for the rest of my life."

Maybe it was too early for this kinda talk, but Harry's voice was soothing, and Louis had to stay somewhat focused as to not stop listening to Harry's words and get lost in his eyes. Then Louis decided to do it, to say it. 

"Harry, I, I think I-"

It sounded like gun shots coming from outside the building. Three shots then quiet, then rustling noses and Liam said something in a loud voice that Louis and Harry could even hear. Harry got up immediately and grabbed a shirt and some skinny jeans, not wasting a minute. Louis sat up, dazed, confused, alarmed and with a heart beating too fast.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Louis hissed in a shaky voice after finding his words.

"I have to go see what that was," Harry explained quickly, putting some boots on while reaching through his bag. He picked up a gun and Louis immediately sat back. Not that it was pointed at him or anything, Louis was just startled by it and couldn't help but start to worry. It was a sheer action of response.

"Let me come with you." Louis suggested starting to get up.

"No!" Harry replied kind of loudly, looking at Louis. Louis stopped getting up and remained where he was, slightly shocked by that answer. Then Harry started up more quietly. "I don't want you getting hurt or something stupid. Just please stay here, I'll be back soon. Ok?"

Louis nodded, not sure he was totally ok with letting Harry go into this by himself, but he had to trust Harry, Harry knew best, as he had been in these kinds of situations more often.

Harry then sped off, quickly running out of the room and into the noises outside. Louis felt helpless. He wanted to go and help Harry, but at the same time, he didn't want to.

All Louis did after sitting there for a few minutes was get up and walk over to the door, to see if he could hear more clearly what was going on.

He heard all three voices, and then some more, gruff voices, all yelling and shouting at each other, but he couldn't make out what they were saying to each other. It sounded like a fight, but just that, nothing more, as if some rebels stumbled upon the building and wanted it, or something. Besides the shot that got Harry interested, there was no more gunfire, from what Louis could tell.

Then all the voices stopped, and Louis thought maybe this was all over, but then he heard yelling, Harry yelling, and he jumped at the sound. He couldn't really make out any sentences, but he recognized a few words and statements, things like, "wait" and "don't hurt them," and "I'll give you what you want." Other than that it was a jumble of words and everything was moving so fast that Louis couldn't focus. His heart was racing and he started to feel worried, very worried.

Knowing Harry told him to stay there, Louis grabbed Harry's sweatshirt and threw it on, while quickly bringing a shaky hand through his hair, as he realized he probably looked ridiculous and totally freaked out, which wasn't far from what he was.

A minute later the yelling stopped, but he could hear rustling noises, and he thought maybe that was a good time to find out what was going on. With no gun to protect himself (and no shoes on his feet either) Louis took a few small steps out of the room, trying to see if anyone's voices started up again. But his heart was too loud beating out of his chest Louis couldn't hear a thing. 

Louis began walking faster trough the halls and down the stairs, until the made it to where the door was. But the door was blown off, pieces of it lay on the floor and even outside, and this caused Louis to stop moving so fast and to watch out where he was stepping, as to not step on any little pieces of wood.

Looking outside, it was very bright out, and the contrast from the dark building to the bright outside hurt his eyes. Slowly, as his eyes grew used to the light, he saw Harry standing in between two heavily armed men in matching uniforms and he felt himself almost faint; those were government officials.

They caught Harry.

In one of the men's hands, Harry's gun, and Harry's arms were being held by each men on either sides of him. They were all looking at the side of the house, but Harry had his head down. The men were off watching something, and while Louis surveyed the scene, he couldn't see Liam or Niall anywhere. But then he wondered what Harry and the men were just standing there for; why didn't they leave or something? What were the waiting for?

Louis was going to move a little bit closer to get a better look, but he took one step and the floor beneath him creaked. Since it was quiet, the two men plus Harry looked at him. With their other hand, then men in uniforms raised their guns at him. Harry took a second longer to look over at the noise, as if lost for a second. Harry's eyes grew wide when he realized who it was and what the two men on either sides of them were planning on doing.

"Don't hurt him." Harry growled in a low but somewhat loud voice, trying to assert as much power as he could over the situation, which wasn't a lot but the men slowly lowered their guns.

Louis then took another step forward, and both guns came up pointed at him again, causing him to stop moving. "He's not going to do anything. He has no gun." Harry responded in a voice that still meant business. The men's guns didn't move. "I'm serious. He can't do anything. Trust me."

Even slower than they had before, the men lowered their guns. When they were as low as they could be, Louis took another step, expecting the guns to come back at him. They didn't. So he took another step. And another. And then one more. Pretty soon he was outside, and all this time he hadn't stopped looking at Harry.

When Louis was a few feet away from Harry, Louis stopped moving, not sure what he could do next with the two men right there.

"Let me speak to him," Harry began to the men, "he is no threat to you. Let me go."

Rather unwillingly, the two men slowly moved back, letting go of Harry's arms and taking some steps backwards, but Louis wasn't really paying attention to them anymore, all he was doing was staring into Harry's eyes.

"Harry," Louis began in a quiet voice. "What happened?"

"They got me. They got Liam and Niall too but I got them to let them go. They're loading up their car with money." Harry sighed in a much softer voice.

"Money?" Louis asked, unsure. "Why money?"

"It was the only thing they wanted that wasn't an actual person."

"But why are they keeping you? Can't you just give them the money and that's it?"

Harry shook his head. "It's not that simple. I said I would go with them because it's either that or you guys all get hurt. I can't have that happen. If I go, they don't hurt you."

"I can't have you leave me!" Louis responded, slightly raising his voice but then remembering their situation.

"Louis, I have to go with them. I don't have a choice. We tried to fight but we lost."

"We'll go after you then," Louis rushed, trying to make Harry understand that Louis needed Harry, like _really_ needed him.

"I don't want you to do that. I don't want you getting hurt for me, I don't want you to risk your life for me. Please say you won't try to find me. It's not safe, Louis, I need you to be ok, I need you safe."

Louis didn't want Harry telling him to just let him go like this. Louis wanted to save Harry and Louis knew he could do it. He could, he could, he just could. It would be easy.

The two men then stepped up quickly besides Harry and grabbed his arms again before moving him back a few feet before Louis could say something back, creating massive silence and space between them. All Louis could do was watched the distance grow between then, suddenly remembering all the things he wanted to say. Like how much he loved

Yes _loved_

Harry.

But he couldn't do that.

Every time he tried to, he was interrupted by something, and then was never able to continue. Louis still though they was cursed by the gods above or something and thus could never say it.

But his heart had been aching ever since he lost his chance to say it the first time, and now it hurt even more because once again he couldn't say it.

The way Harry made everything feel like home and every moment Harry held Louis, allowing Louis to stare into his eyes and even kiss his sweet lips just made him fall in love again and again. For a while he knew this, but at the same time he didn't, as he hadn't known love like this in a long time, he didn't really know what it was, actually. A deep infatuation, something more grown up than puppy love, nothing he had ever really had before; how was Louis to know it was love when it was more magic and beauty than anything else?

But Louis couldn't admit it at first. It was too new, soon and such a huge thing to accept, and Harry didn't appear to be in so deep as Louis. It had occurred to Louis many times that maybe Harry was only being warm and cuddly because he wanted to make Louis be ok, not because he was starting to like him. Maybe they had sex or something because Harry was so desperate it didn't matter. If anything, Harry was the rational one and Louis was the overly emotional type, and in this world, love didn't appear to exist, only survival, and the ones that separated themselves from their feelings. That's why Harry was so successful after all.

But then Louis thought about how flirty and how sweet Harry was, how thoughtful and kind. Surely that couldn't have come from a man lacking emotions. No, Harry must have meant something, when he kissed Louis that first time, and the way that Harry took care of Louis was just too good to be true. Harry must have cared. But caring didn't necessarily equal love, so it wasn't right for Louis to assume anything.

Soon Liam and Niall (and another one of those men) appeared from the side of the house and shot a quick "what the fuck are you doing here?" kind of look to Louis before turning to the two men and Harry.

The man with Liam and Niall spoke to the two men, whom quickly started walking (taking Harry with them) to the side of the house where their car was.

No one said anything, but Louis walked slowly over near Liam and Niall, who were watching the men and Harry walk over to the car.

The guy who was with Liam and Niall got into the drivers seat, and the two with Harry stayed by his side, even going as far as to sit with him in the back seat. Meanwhile, Harry never broke his eye contact with Louis, expect giving one quick nod to Liam and Niall.

The man started the car up  and it quickly sped off, leaving Liam, Niall, and Louis in the dust.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> somebody's gonna die

"You've got to be _fucking_ kidding me." Niall groaned at Liam's idea.

"I wish I was, but I don't think we have a choice about this. We have to do something."

Since the men took Harry, all three of them were still out aside hovering in the same area. None of them wanting to go inside, and Louis especially, as he would see Harry's boots and shirts and it would hit him that Harry was gone.

So they were outside, and although the day was warm, it had a harsh wind, as if encouraging them to head inside. But when the wind stopped, they no longer wanted to head in. Niall was leaning against the building, Liam was pacing in front of the building, and Louis was sitting on a broken front step.

"Li, I agree that we need Harry back, but the plan doesn't guarantee anything. What if we can't find him? We could all get in trouble; it's too much of a risk."

Louis kinda agreed with Niall, but at the same time he didn't.

"But it's a risk we have to take; none of us would be here if it wasn't for Harry. He's risked so much for us, it's time we do something for him."

Despite this, Louis knew better. "Harry told me that we shouldn't go after him. He doesn't want us getting hurt."

Niall and Liam both looked at Louis.

"Of course not, but it would hurt us more if we had to manage without him in the long run. What if we stay here or go to a new place but never try to find him, and then months pass, and soon years, and we've left him, just totally move on, leaving him forever. What then? We'd all be deciding not to help him, and soon we'd be regretting this moment right here where we decide this, his fate, even, when we could have saved him. We just could have."

Niall sighed.

"But how do we even know where he is?" Louis asked crossing his arms.

"We heard where they were going when we were loading up their car." Liam replied, stopping his pacing for a second.

"But how do you know it's not a trap? Like they said it so that you can hear it but it's just to capture us. Why would they just tell us then?" Louis questioned.

Niall shook his head and sighed.

Liam started pacing again, still convinced they should find Harry. "We'd just have to trust their words. Plus, it's not like there's tons of buildings left and they can just lead us to the wrong one; they can't do that, there's not that many options left for locations."

"Ok so, you know what building it is, but how do you know where it is?"

"Maps," Niall chimed in. "We've got maps. Somewhere, they're packed in a bag or something."

"But how does that help? What if it's a new place? What if they switched their names with another building or something?" Louis didn't see how this was so easy.

"We'll figure that out as we go." Liam paused, both talking and pacing for a second. Then he started to pace again. Soon he started to talk. "Come on guys, we'd be doing the right thing. We can't let him go like this."

~~~~~~~~

Harry's bags didn't have any maps in it. Louis' bags didn't either, but they all knew that. Liam's bags didn't have any maps and Niall just had some random golf balls in the bottom of one of his bags, which Liam said he should just get rid of. Niall was horrified and said Liam would have to kill him first before getting him to dishonor the sport of golf (so Liam then said Niall could keep his stinking golf balls).

 

They spent the rest of the day looking for maps and packing up. Because they had to go after Harry, they couldn't stay in the building and knew it wasn't worth it to try and come back and find the place. They spent the morning emptying the place of all their belongings and loading bags into the van.

When Louis would pack up before, he was with Harry. Even if they weren't talking, he knew in the back of his mind that someone was there and they could hear each other fold up clothing and rustle blankets, and it just felt, different, less empty. Now, it was so quiet and kind of haunting, as if something wasn't right, and it's true, things weren't right.

While packing, they did their best to find this precious map. Because they really needed one and they couldn't find any their bags, they began to search every inch of the van.

Louis was digging though the trunk (because he was the smallest and could search it better), but he thought it was pretty stupid that he was searching though the trunk after they loaded their bags in side and it was ten times hard to look.

Niall was looking in the front seat and the glove box, while Liam was searching a backseat door. All worked in silence, the only noise being the wind rustling or some papers being sorted. Nothing else.

It wasn't too long before Louis' fingers stumbled upon a crumpled up piece of paper smushed into a corner. At first he thought nothing of it, besides the fact that some of the back seat garbage ended up in the trunk.

Anyway, he started to pull it apart (very carefully) which hungrily searching for his prize, could this be a map?

It was a map, but was it _the_ map?

Since Louis didn't know the name of the building, he didn't know if this was the right map. So when Niall got tired of looking and walked over to Louis, Louis flashed it at Niall, seeing if he'd be intrigue by it. He was.

"Yoooooooo, Liam!" Niall cried looking over the map excitedly and Liam instantly came over. "I think maybe we got it."

Louis gave the map to Liam, but they all huddled around it.

All it was was a regular piece of paper with a few shapes on it, signaling buildings. Some of the buildings had labels, but some didn't. There were maybe about six or seven buildings on it, but some of them had big red "X" through them (about four of them or so).

"But see," Liam began pondering it. "We're missing another page of this. These buildings down here are cut off."

"Yeah but it's in that area. We know we're south of this complex here so where is he is more to the right and north of us." Niall pointed on the map, pretty much waving his finger around.

Louis had no idea how they could pick up a sense of direction from a ripped piece of printer paper with some crayon on it, but he decided to just go along with it, despite sensing that Liam and Niall were starting to go insane.

"Ok, I mean, sure, we can try it, I guess. But hopefully that buildings still there, otherwise we'd just be going in circles. We don't have enough fuel for that." Liam replied frankly, ready to just go for it already. Besides,  they didn't really have enough of anything anymore.

Pretty soon the building was empty of all their things and they made their way to the van. They didn't really know what they were getting into trying to go after Harry, but that didn't matter, nothing did, just Harry.  

~~~~~~~~

Louis didn't know where they were going, and many times he wanted to speak up and say "didn't we pass that half burnt barn before?" Or "we should have gone that way where there's actual remains of pavement to drive on," but he didn't. Plus, Liam and Niall were somewhat arguing back and forth and that all started when Niall thought he saw the place where Harry was, but Liam said it wasn't this close. Then Niall said that the buildings they passed didn't match up with the ones on the map, so Liam thought Niall was accusing him of taking a wrong turn and questioning his judgment, to which Niall denied that and tried to point out the fact that they weren't getting where they needed to be, but Liam kept reassuring him it was the right way and blab blah blah blah blah, this is where Louis stopped listening. It seemed like Niall and Liam were on edge because of Harry being gone, so they were extra ready to bite each other's faces off out of fear of never seeing Harry again, and Louis understood their apprehension, he really did.

But he tried not too focus on it. He couldn't take on too much of other people's worries about Harry when he had plenty of his own. Every time he remembered feeling Harry's touch, be that of his lips, hands or his whole body (like at night), a shiver went down his spine. All he could think about was how he never go to tell Harry that he loved him. Never, not once. 

Louis hated to think about it, but what if when they got there it was too late, like Harry was already hurt, or even worse, killed. Louis, although trying not to freak out, started to worry, and couldn't help but start to get anxious that maybe Liam was driving too slow or the worry that they'd never find the place. 

 

Because of the way he was feeling, Louis couldn't help but instinctively want a cigarette, the old habit coming back to calm him down. But his bags were in the trunk and he didn't even know if he had any left or if he could locate his lighter. He knew Harry told him that Liam smoked, but this wasn't the right time for Louis to ask in the middle of Niall and Liam's front seat drama to ask Liam if he happened to have a cig on him.

So Louis was stuck with his apprehension and nerves, ending up biting his lip, which eased some of the emotions raging inside him. Eventually Louis was able to get over the fears of Harry being hurt and or dead and started to feel building excitement of seeing Harry again. The broken landscape was flying past them and with every minute that went by Louis just wanted to tell Harry what he felt. No more guessing games or trying to see what Harry felt about him, and no more "I'll tell him tomorrow." No, Louis was going to tell Harry the second he saw him. Louis had to, keeping the words to himself were starting to chew at his insides, making his heart leap for excitement, but his mind stall for how to start the whole conversation. Louis knew he'd make a fool of himself by coming right out and saying it, he needed to build up, make sure Harry was ok, things like that.

Despite the fact that it was mid morning and bright out, Louis felt himself get a little bit sleepy, and soon he started to feel his eyes close, just got a snooze, he told himself, a quick ten minute snooze.

Louis ended up sleeping for the next forty-five minutes until they arrived.

~~~~~~~~

"Shit shit shit shit _shit_." Niall breathed rather annoyed.

They got caught.

When they finally arrived, they thought no one was around because the place looked desolate (so desolate that Louis wasn't even sure anyone was here, let alone this being the right place).

Turns out this was the right place, but they were just low on staff and weren't planning on remaining in that building much longer, so they didn't care that it was falling apart.

They parked the van a few blocks back, and with each one armed with a gun, they started making their way towards one of the half smashed in doors.

When Liam gently and slowly opened the front door, five men were waiting for them, and captured them easily and quickly. No one put up a fight.

Now, brought to a small room, they were told they'd would remain there for a little bit longer, while their names were looked up in their records. Then their fate would be determined.

The tiny room was cramped with all three of them inside, really just meant to be a room for one person. It had a wooden cot with a piece of fabric thrown on it, and a small side table. Louis concluded that the room had no bathroom (or access to one), but then reasoned that whoever they kept in here wouldn't be stuck in here for very long. If anything, this was just a holding cell of sorts.

"We should have gone through the back door." Liam, who was standing near where the door was, sighed heavily.

"How were we supposed to know there was even a back door? Back doors tend to be more guarded anyway." Niall grunted back, leaning on the small table.

Louis remained quiet. His mind wasn't thinking about that. Honestly, he was really just focused on Harry, and nothing else seemed to matter. Oh what was his life getting to!?

"I still think sabotage would have been good. It's easier to do stuff when they're distracted, and then it would have been easier to get Harry." Niall aimlessly babbled, now sitting on the small table. "Do you think I'll break this?"

"No but if you do I'm sure they'll just add it to our tab." Liam replied, rolling his eyes.

Before anyone could say anything else, they heard a distant door slam and then booted foot steps approaching them. All eyes drifted towards the door, waiting, listening, watching; they all held their breath.

The boots stopped when they arrived at the door, and for a second, everything was quiet. Then they heard the door unlock; the metal clanging almost too loud at times.

Suddenly the door swung open, and Liam, Louis and Niall were looking at three men; one with the keys (probably a leader of sorts, or the head of something) and then two guards at his side with massive guns.

"Louis?" The guy with the keys asked in a loud gruff voice, except, he pronounced it 'Lewis,' and Louis wasn't sure what he should do.

Louis then felt a nudge (it was from Niall's knee) to respond to this guy's call of his name, or else. So Louis stood up, because his throat was too dry to speak.

"Come with me." The man barked and backed away from the entrance, giving Louis room to follow him, while the two guards remained in their original spots, all eyes on Louis, or 'Lewis.'

Taking some shaky steps forward, and him hoping no one saw how scared he was, Louis stepped out of the cell. Then the man then gave one of the guards the keys, and Louis looked back at Niall and Liam, watching them once again get locked up.

Once the keys were back in the man's hand he started moving, and Louis had to walk fast to keep up, feeling his heart and his mind pound, worried and anxious about all this. Were they going to kill him? Hurt him? Torture him? Or was it something else?

The man arrived at a room a little ways down from where Liam and Niall was and went in. Louis kept up behind him and entered the room while the guards remained at the door, even when the man shut the door.

~~~~~~~~

Louis forgot what he should do.

Was he supposed to play along? Forget? Tell the truth? What would Liam and Niall want? What about Harry?

"You're name is in our systems, and it has been since a few years ago or so, but you've been an active part of a rebel group all that time, so it doesn't make sense why you should be associated with one of us...or does it?"

Uh...

"There are pages and pages on your rebel activity, and yet I have records of you from your past, and there are dates that don't make sense." The man looked up at Louis. The man was sitting behind a desk scattered with papers.

"So, Louis" (again said like 'Lewis'), "what can you tell me about this?"

Louis didn't want to speak, but he knew that anything about himself and only himself wouldn't hurt the others, so he began in a quiet and unsure voice. "Well? Uh, it's, 'Louis,' not 'Lewis.'"

The man frowned upon hearing this. "Not in our records and what we know about you."

Louis sighed, not sure what he could tell this guy that he'd actually believe.

"But then again, there was a 'Louis' (this time pronounced like 'Louis') gone missing a few months ago...that would make a lot of sense." Completely suspicious, the man eyed Louis as if he was starting to believe this new idea.

Of course, now realizing what the man was starting to say, Louis didn't like this idea, and maybe it would have been better to say he was a 'Lewis.'

"Well?" The man asked in a voice that was pretty much a shout, and Louis jumped slightly.

"Y-yes, I'm Louis, the one who, uh, went missing."

The man nodded, clearly hearing what he wanted Louis to say. "And so you come here today, along with Liam and Niall (he pulled out their papers too), not even a day from when Harry was captured. Understand these names or must I say their last ones?"

"N-no, I, I get it. Uh, yeah, yeah."

"This gives me reason to believe you were working with Harry, right?"

What was the point in lying? To this guy it'd be the same thing as saying the truth; he'd see through Louis so easily.

But still, Louis stuttered. "Yes, I-I was."

The man abruptly stood up from his desk and began moving towards the door. "Stay here, I'll be back."

Louis, who had started moving to follow him, suddenly stopped, and only watched him leave the room, closing the door with a thud.

~~~~~~~~

Ten minutes went by, and Louis started wondering when this guy was gonna come back.

Then another fifteen minutes, and still the man didn't show up, causing Louis to wonder if he had been forgotten.

But Louis didn't have to wonder too much longer, because soon enough, the door swung open and the man walked back in, not in a good mood, but then again, was he ever really in a good mood?

"He won't talk."

Louis was confused and again alarmed at this man's aggressive nature. "Who?" He squeaked out a few seconds later.

"Harry."

Louis' eyes grew wide and his breath hinged. The man didn't notice.

"But," the man carried on confidently, "you'll get him talking."

Louis didn't know if he even had such power, and then maybe thought it was a bad thing; Harry clearly wasn't telling them anything because he didn't want them to know. Making Louis go in there would cause Harry to sell out, helping the other side. It would also make Louis a sell out, and he wouldn't ever want to do such a thing. But, like he expected, the desire to see Harry bubbled up that at that point selling out or not didn't matter. 

But then Louis thought of Liam and Niall, knowing they'd hate him for causing Harry to give up, and all the hard work Louis did to get their trust suddenly worthless. "I, I don't know if I'll be able to." Louis tried, not sure how this guy would react to basically Louis saying no since he was now worried about Niall and Liam.

The man stepped forward and used his height as a threat, as he toward over Louis, glaring into Louis' eyes with fire and a sense of authority no one could question.

This made Louis re think things. "I-I could try." Louis mumbled, not really sure if this would be enough to cool this guy down.

But luckily it was. The man slowly backed away but left his sharp gaze on Louis. "I hope you do try, because he won't talk to Liam, or even Niall; you're the only one that can break him."

Suddenly Louis was thrown off by those words, and "you're the only one that can break him" echoed in his head as he followed the man out of the room, down stairs and through hallways. Was Louis really the one capable of destroying everything Harry fought for? Was all of Harry's hard work to make life worth living now going to go to waste? After Harry had given everything he possibly could to Louis, this was all Louis could do? Break him? And now, when Harry needed help? That whole concept made Louis feel like shit in every way.

As they started getting closer, Louis was nervous. Louis started to worry when the man said that they could have as much time as needed, within reason. Basically they had to be making progress; Louis had to convince Harry to talk, and if they looked like they were just stalling, time would be up, the end, game over.

So Louis had to be very careful about this, and he tried to figure out what he should do and what he was going to say fist, but he had too many feelings, his head was pounding and he just couldn't wait to see Harry.

The building was weird, the man stopped at a door, but it wasn't a cell door, it looked like a door to another part of the building, or even to the outside, something that was even weirder. The fact that the man stopped in front of the door but handed the keys over to a guard and let him unlock it didn't seem right.

Louis tried to look out the door once it was open, but the man was in the way and it was dark, Louis couldn't see anything. The man then turned to Louis and this caused Louis to draw his eyes away from whatever was beyond the door.

"He's the last room on the left." The man told Louis, taking a step back and taking the keys from the guard that unlocked the door. "Go. Either I will be here or the guards will, so don't you try anything."

Louis nodded, and that was enough, as the man then backed away even more.

Taking a few steps over to the door, Louis didn't have time to look around before he realized that one, the hallway was rather cold, and more importantly, that Harry was there, alive, breathing and beautiful and hopefully ok. Louis felt his heart beat wildly as each step brought him closer and closer to what he had now been missing all along. He was so wrapped up in seeing Harry that he didn't even notice one if the guards close the door behind him, leaving him in a dim lit hallway. But that didn't matter, nothing did, just Harry.

Louis made it to a door that he guessed was the right one by the man's directions; they all looked the same and we're all closer, but since he knew it was the last room on the left, it had to be this one.

Louis slowly placed a shaking hand on the door and started to push it open, hoping Harry would know it was him, despite being unsure of how Harry would react to him there. Louis heard Harry's voice telling him to not go after him, because something bad would happen, and what did Louis do? Go after him. And what happened? Something bad. Somehow Harry knew these things too well.

The door opened slowly and very smoothly. Soon Louis found himself searching to see as his eyes weren't used to darkness, despite the odd source of light in the hallway and the room that didn't really light up anything. Louis then realized that this whole thing felt like a dream, a bad bad bad dream.

Louis' eyes began to adjust and Louis could sort of see Harry lying on one of those plank things, except his was much less nice than the one in Liam's, Niall's and Louis' room. It was too small for him; his long thin legs dangled off and so did some of his lovely soft hair. Harry was faced away from the door and since everything was so quiet, Louis didn't know if he was even awake.

For a second Louis wondered if he should try to go back and ask the guy what to do about Harry being asleep, but then knew that the guy wouldn't care enough to give Louis a good solution.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Louis called out to Harry in as quiet of a voice he could possibly speak in. He was still shaking but he didn't know if it was the cold or just the want to be held again in Harry's arms. But what if things had changed? What if Harry wasn't like that anymore? Certainly he told the man he'd talk to Louis and not to anyone else for a reason? Now he was asleep. 

"Harry?" Louis tried again, but noting happened.

Suddenly, Louis more or less saw Harry sit up, and felt his stomach flip.

"Louis?" Harry mumbled in his deep raspy sleepy smooth voice.

That totally distracted Louis, as he forgot just how good Harry's sleepy voice was. "Yeah." Was all he could manage to say back.

Moving very quickly, and too quickly to cause Louis not to think Harry was ever asleep, Harry got up and made it over to Louis, but not saying anything, not doing anything but looking at Louis (not that Louis could tell, it was too dark) and when Harry arrived, he gathered Louis up in a hug.

Louis melted into Harry, instantly feeling ten times safer and over all three million times better there in Harry's arms.

Harry too felt the great affects of the hug, from smelling the bit of vanilla on Louis' skin to simply holding him close, Harry just felt at peace and for the first time since all of this happened, that everything was going to be ok.

"Shit Louis," Harry began softly breathing into Louis' neck, "I missed you so much."

But Louis, all he could do was nod, as he didn't have enough words to say how much he missed Harry, even though it had only been a few hours. It felt like years.

Louis knew he started crying a little bit, just a little, soft, sweet, baby tears of sadness and relief and happiness and pain, it was all in one. Louis didn't want to be crying, but he was, and when Harry pulled away sensing something was wrong, Louis kept his head down, as to not show him the tears. But Harry knew.

"What's wrong, Lou?" Harry asked, leaving one hand wrapped around Louis and the other gently cupping his chin, trying to understand.

"N-nothing I just, I just missed you, and, was s-so, so worried about you." Louis managed trying to calm down a bit.

Harry brought Louis back into his arms and held him a little bit tighter and Louis continued.

"I didn't know if you were gonna be, be mad at me for coming with Liam and Niall for you, you told me not to but, I, I-I just couldn't, Harry, they-we-I need you."

Harry held Louis for another minute or two before slightly leaning back to look at Louis. "I'm not mad at you, Lou, I could never be mad at you. I'm not mad at Liam or Niall either. I said that because I didn't want you to get hurt, not for my sake anyway."

"But Harry, it's worth it, for this right here I'd do anything, and I guess I did. Oh Harry, they told me I can break you. Is that true? Can I really break you?" Louis voice trembled a bit on the last question.

Harry let go of Louis but left some of his fingers tangled into Louis', leading him over to what Harry was sleeping on. Together they both sat down on the thing, and Harry leaned over to his right and flicked on a switch. A dim ceiling light flipped on, which caused the room to light up a little bit. Louis, not really crying anymore, instantly looked up at where the light was coming from, clearly distracted, but not for more than five seconds. Harry watched him with adoring eyes.

"Yes."

Louis slightly gasped a bit. "How? Harry, I would never do that, I don't even want to, please, I don't-"

"It's not a bad thing."

"What?" Louis was going to lose his mind.

"Breaking for someone, giving them all you have so that they're ok, looking out for them, putting yourself in danger; you're doing that for me right now, actually."

"But how is that breaking?"

"You're doing something for others even if it puts yourself in danger. It sounds a lot worse than it is."

"Then how can I break you?"

"By making me do what they ask of me, I do it for you and Niall and Liam, I do it because I want you to go on living and being something lovely in this horrible world, and the only way I can do that is to make sure you're ok, always."

Louis wanted to protest but Harry continued. "Besides, I'm not doing that stuff anymore; I gave up all the sabotage and raiding, besides the instances when we really need to, so me telling them what they want to know is like old news, only they don't know that."

Louis, who by now was looking down at his fingers wrapped around Harry's, was quiet, just thinking and listening.

"How'd they manage to capture you?" Harry suddenly asked.

Louis shook his head. "I don't know, it's like they knew we were going to come after you, they were waiting for us, I think."

"Did they hurt you at all?"

"No, we gave up, we had to, there were so many of them and only three of us, we couldn't fight them."

"I wouldn't have wanted you to fight them, you did the right thing."

"Giving up was the right thing?"

"Well yeah, they could really hurt you or even killed you for resisting."

"Good thing I didn't speak up or try to fight them." Louis sighed.

"You sure they didn't hurt you at all?" Harry's eyes were deep into Louis' eyes, almost seeing right through him, Harry was looking at Louis so hard and with so much feeling.

"I'm sure, I'm sure, they didn't do anything."

"You're shaking like a leaf though." Harry remarked in a concerned soft voice, and Louis looked back down at his fingers, noticing them shake, as if for the first time.

"Well, I was a little worried."

"About what?"

Louis didn't want to say that was a stupid question, so he thought it but still answered it seriously, looking back up at Harry. "I didn't know how you would react to me here, and I didn't know if they hurt you or something. I just didn't know if you were going to be ok with seeing me."

"Not be ok with seeing you?" Harry asked a little skeptical. "I could never get worse by seeing you, Louis, you're unlike anything in this world, you're so important to me and wonderful. Don't ever forget that, ok?"

"Ok," Louis sighed, feeling Harry wrap an arm around Louis and pull him into him, nice and close, once again like home. "Harry," Louis began in a quiet voice a few minutes later. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure,"

"Maybe now I can actually tell you."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked tilting his head.

"Well, all the times before I tried to tell you, something happened, interrupting me and I never got to say it. It's something I should have said ages ago, but every time I was going to say it, I never could..." Louis' voice became quiet, and for a second he didn't know if he wanted to say it. It seemed like all the times before when he tried the whole world fell apart, as if those words could do more damage than good, not like how they were supposed to be. Louis was quiet, not sure if he should go on and try saying them now. He didn't wanna destroy this moment.

"Certainly you can say it now, I'd like to think there's nothing that can get in the way at this point."

Louis pulled away a bit from Harry's arms, looking at him. "Really? I don't want to jinx it, chances are I already have, like I never could said it because it was never meant to be." Louis never use to be such a fate guy so he didn't know why it was starting now. In fact, a chorus of 'I love yous' started chanting in his head, and that didn't help him figure out a solution to the conflict of saying it or not.

"A few months before we met, no, not even, a few weeks, days, hours even before, I bet neither of us would have expected this to happen like it did. That's why you have to take chances, try new things, not be afraid; I think that life, to a point, is etched out for each of us, but sometimes it needs to be shaped or molded, and only we can cause that, we can take control and make things happen the way we want, right?"

 

"Yeah" the 'I love yous' in Louis' head were getting louder.

"So," Harry softly continued on, "it never hurts to try again."

They were pounding loudly in Louis' head, so distracting that all Louis could do was nod and wait for Harry to say something else, but he never did, he was simply waiting for Louis to say what he was going to say. So once Louis understood that, he felt his mind start to cool off and calm down, still chanting every 'I love you' with passion, but in a more controlled and relaxed manner despite being still rather persistent.

He tried to make them pause for a minute so that he could sort through his thoughts and say it right.

_ I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you- _

It was almost too loud. Over and over again he wanted to say it but not be too forward at the same time, because what if Harry didn't like him back or something? What if Louis was just going crazy because he hadn't seen Harry since he got taken away a few hours ago?

_ I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you- _

He couldn't make it stop, and the only other word he he could manage was 'Harry.' So that's what it was going to be, short, blunt, sweet and direct, he couldn't make it all flowery and smooth like Harry could.

"Harry, I-" _love love love love you you you I love you I love you I love y-_ "I love you."

Harry's smile turned beaming and Louis knew that the flowers in his own heart were blooming once again, everything was lovely, for about ten seconds while Harry gazed at Louis.

The crazy 'I love you' voices died down to an almost silence, allowing Louis to think once again. "I didn't know why it was so hard for me to say it earlier, but I guess I just was probably scared."

"Scared? What would you be scared for?"

"I didn't know how you felt about me, actually I don't even really know how you feel."

Harry opened his mouth to say something and Louis was suddenly worried that maybe what he just said was a bad thing, so he continued before Harry could start.

"But that's ok, you didn't have to tell me anything, you don't have to know how you feel or what you feel, I-"

"Lou," Harry began over Louis, who he could tell was kinda freaking out. "You don't have to worry about that stuff, because honestly, it's not at all different from what you feel."

Louis felt like he was gonna explode. "Really?" He asked, totally amazed and overjoyed.

"Yeah, and I too should have said something sooner, but I guess I didn't know if you could ever love me, so I never said so, but shit, I felt it, and I should have told you sooner."

"But then this moment wouldn't be as special."

"I don't think that's true," Harry replied, slowly pulling Louis closer to him but their faces and eyes were locked looking at each other. "Every moment with you is special, no matter what. Sure, maybe some moments would have been a little bit sweeter if we knew at the time, but then again, you were meant to tell me now and I was meant to tell you now because that's just how fate wanted it, or something, not that I really believe in fate, but still."

"You don't believe in fate?" Louis asked, surprised at why Harry would bring fate up if he didn't actually think it mattered.

"I think I used to, but then it seemed like fate had in store an awful life for me, so I think I tried to reason it impossible, or something."

"Yeah but you just said that life's etched out for each of us," Louis began, "isn't that fate?"

"Not really, I think life being etched out relates to purpose, and fate relates to relationships and love." Harry shook his head. "But than again, what do I really know about that stuff? All I know is that you're wonderful, amazing, and that I love you, but no more, nothing else makes sense."

From the start, Harry gave off the perception that he was this all knowing and wise soul, so smart and ahead on everything that nothing held him back. In reality, Harry felt he couldn't really amount to anything and that life, especially now, was short, unfair, and hard, lacking sense and reason.

"Harry, does that mean that life is pointless?"

"No, not at all; life is very important and now rather rare, like, to actually see someone living. So many people just try to survive, not realizing how special and wonderful it is to be right here, right now, alive, despite everything. Many don't have the chance anymore, so I don't think it can be wasted."

Louis listened to Harry's words, trying to understand it just as well as Harry did, but Harry just seemed to be this perfect man of reason, and Louis knew he could never understand the world the way Harry could. "Is that why some people believe that life's only worth living if someone is loving you?" Louis asked slowly.

"Yeah, and those lucky ones in love can probably afford to think such romantic thoughts, so they're probably right."

"But aren't you one of the lucky ones in love? Aren't you a lucky one?" Louis asked, shifting his position in Harry's arms so that he was closer to his face a bit.

"The luckiest." Harry smiled, instantly warming up Louis inside.

Soon Harry's finger tips were gently running up and down Louis' back sending shivers all over, and their faces were so so so so _so_ close, and it wasn't a surprise to anyone when they kissed, Harry leaning down a bit into Louis' lips, and the whole thing started rather gently; sweet and soft kisses, Harry holding Louis and Louis letting have total control over Harry. Soon however, Harry's hands on Louis' back stated to move down a bit, and when Harry straightened his back, Louis felt their connection weaken, so he chased after Harry's lips, but in reality, they were both really thirsty for each other.

Harry pulled away, and Louis was totally taken and excited by everything Harry just did, putty in his hands and they were both slightly out of breath.

"I could never get tired of kissing you," Harry breathed, eyes a little bit more alert and locked on Louis, "I don't think I could ever get enough." He whispered into Louis as Harry started to shift to kissing Louis' neck.

"H-Harry," Louis moaned a little bit, his eyes fluttering every time he felt Harry's hot breath touch his neck and his sweet lips just full of kisses; the way Harry was always so gentle and strong and smart, wise, caring and loving, he was perfect. Pure perfection. But Louis couldn't get that man out of his mind either. "When do you think that guys gonna come back?"

Harry paused from kissing Louis' neck. "Hopefully never, but probably soon."

Harry was right about that probably soon part, as he showed up not even five minutes later.

~~~~~~~~

They could hear footsteps, and when the door opened they weren't surprised at who they saw there.

Despite the fact that they had talked for nearly 35 minutes, it felt like they just spent 10 together, so Harry asked for more time. The man said "fine" and gave them three minutes. Then they were alone again.

"Harry, what's gonna happen now?" Louis asked quietly, not sure if the man was still in front of the door, trying to listen.

"They'll probably take you back to Liam and Niall, unless they want to question you, but they don't really have a reason to because you're not the one they're after."

"What about after that? Are we all going to stay here forever?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't think so. They'll probably let you guys go."

"What about you?"

"I don't really know what they'll do with me. It depends on how they react to what I tell them, partly."

"You are going to tell them what they want to know, right?"

"Of course I will."

"And for doing so they should let you go back with us."

"That's a reasonable idea but they're not very reasonable people." Harry sighed. "Look, I'll tell them what they want to know, and ask to be released. I'll tell them I've stopped everything against them, and that I'm not fighting anymore. That should help a lot."

"Harry..." Louis began as he let Harry pull him into an embrace, "I don't wanna lose you. I-I want you forever. They can't take you away, can they?" Louis looked into Harry's eyes.

"I won't let them take me away, I'd do everything I possibly could to come back to you." Harry responded in a soft voice, "you give me a reason to not give up, and I won't ever take that for granted." Harry's hands held Louis tightly, and Louis' head then turned and rested against Harry's chest, where Louis could feel the warmth of Harry through his silk shirt. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Harry whispered, maybe being honest with himself (and Louis) for the first time.

Louis removed his head from Harry's chest at looked up at Harry. "You were getting along fine without me. It seems like I met you and suddenly shit was happening and going wrong and falling apart. I know you could have probably thought of many instances where I'm not in you're life and things are better."

"Well maybe, but there was nothing good about those days. Life didn't really have anything worth living for, and I missed the way it used to. You make me feel like it's back again, you make me feel like there's something worth fighting for."

Harry's eyes were so pretty and Louis knew it, Louis also knew that with every word Harry spoke, he was getting more and more in love with Harry, passed the amount Louis even expected to feel towards someone. Being in love was truly sweet, no doubt about it. And when Harry kissed Louis again, Louis allowed Harry to open his mouth a bit and slip his tongue in, making the kiss hotter. With Harry's hands holding Louis' hips, Harry lay down on the wooden plank bed and shifted Louis over his own hips, Harry leaning up on his elbows to keep the kiss going.

It was so hot to have Louis there straddling him like that, and with Louis' hands on Harry's chest, he could feel his cold fingertips through the silk shirt, cooling down his hot body.

They soon both fell out of the kiss but that wasn't the end. Harry fell back on the board off his elbows and was then able to grab Louis' ass better, and tighter, causing Louis to instinctively grind them on top of Harry's lap.

Louis then started to follow after Harry's lips, soon lying on top of Harry. His hips were still grinding slightly and that plus another equally hot and yet more messy kiss caused Harry to groan, totally enamored with the idea of Louis being in control and ready to once again give it all to Louis.

But now was not the time and this was not the place.

"Harry..." Louis cooed noticing Harry starting to cool down a bit with his lips, not so much his hands as they still held Louis' ass down. "Please?"

"We-we can't. Not h-ere, not now."

"But when?" Louis asked, extremely needy and wanting nothing more than Harry.

"Soon," Harry responded with an exasperated sigh, wishing they could have just done something now. Nope.

Despite the fact that they called that off, Louis still lay on Harry's lap with his head on Harry's chest, not going to give up that easily, and that was fine. Neither of them knew how they did it, but they both not only ignored the fact that they themselves were hard, but that each other were, something big they were ignoring, but Louis knew Harry was right, they did have to stop.

Laying there on the make shift bed (also known as a piece of wood), they snoozed a bit in the safety and warmth of each other. The next best thing besides having sex was simply sleeping with each other, and it felt just as good in this case because they were together and close and in love.

Until they heard footsteps. Then the man came back.

~~~~~~~~

When the man came back, he asked Louis to go with him leaving Harry there, but Louis didn't want anything more than to have Harry be free again. Louis wouldn't ask for anything else or wish life was better or take life for grated so much if Harry could just go with them and they could all just go back to the way life was for the four of them. That life, which Louis wasn't too delighted with, now seemed wonderful once he felt trapped and alone. Now he wanted back what he used to not care for with people (besides Harry) that he didn't care for.

Anyway, Harry watched Louis follow the man out, not dropping his gaze until he couldn't see Louis anymore and be heard the door close and the footprints fade.

Louis, now outside, kept following the man, waiting for his next set of clues as to what was going on. Louis didn't need them when he started after the man walking down a path that he recognized was the same one they took when the man brought Liam, Niall and Louis down into the room; the man was taking Louis back, of course! Why would they take him somewhere else?

Liam and Niall were asleep oddly positioned on the tiny rectangle of wood used for a bed; Backs to each other, legs and arms dangling, it didn't look comfortable at all, but Louis guessed they had to do something to pass the time, and this was probably the most restful sleep without interruptions they've both gotten in ages, so Louis let them be. Plus, Louis also kinda wanted to be alone with his thoughts for a bit.

He thought about Harry. He thought about how his silk shirt was wrinkled and his jeans were a bit more ripped than they were, and maybe Harry fought them a bit and maybe he even tried to escape, and Louis wished he asked him about that. Then Louis thought about how Harry loved Louis just like Louis loved him. How wonderful all that worked out! It was, for sure, the only good thing about all this, and Louis knew it for sure.

Louis was planning on doing a lot more thinking, when he heard some one shift a bit from the wood bed and then get up.

"Oh, you're back."

It was Niall.

"Yeah."

"Where'd they take you?" Niall walked slowly over to Louis, who was sitting on the edge of the small table.

"To Harry."

"Oh really?" Niall asked sounding very excited all of a sudden. "Hey Li, did you hear that? They took him to Harry!" Louis didn't think Liam was awake since he hadn't moved off the bed, but Niall knew that he was, and Louis realized it too when he heard Liam grunt "yeah, I heard." In a half asleep voice.

"What did they say? How was Harry? Did they ask you anything?"

"Well," Louis sighed blinking. "A lot went on. But then again nothing really happened. All I know is that they needed me because Harry wouldn't talk and tell them anything. So they needed me to convince him."

"And? Is he gonna talk?"

"I think so."

"Sellout." Liam mumbled apathetically.

"Yeah but he doesn't have a choice. He's got to tell them; they could hurt him if he doesn't say anything."

"Yeah," Niall piped in, "he better just tell 'em. Besides, it's not like he wanted to."

"Oh of course," Louis re assured them. "He just wants to get out of here, and he thinks they'll let us go soon, so if he's got the chance to make it back with us, he'll do it, he'll do anything."

Niall (and sleepy Liam) continued to ask and Louis responded to what ever they asked about Harry, except the part about the 'I love yous' and the kissing. They didn't need to know about that stuff.

Soon enough they knew pretty much everything, and Liam announced he was heading black to sleep. Louis didn't know how he could sleep in the middle of all this, but the remembered that he was probably so detached from this stuff nothing mattered anymore and that there was nothing they could do now. Niall said he'd try snoozing a bit too, so once again Louis was left there only with the company of his mind.

To keep busy, Louis thought about Harry's kiss and sweet hug, realizing that that was all he wanted in life; just Harry. Forever.

Louis wondered what Harry was doing. Was he talking to the man now? Did he talk to him already? What if they hadn't even talked yet? Maybe Harry was thinking of Louis, just like Louis was thinking of him.

Louis was curious all of a sudden. He wanted to know when Harry started loving him. Louis knew he fell for Harry pretty quickly. It was just that he didn't give into the idea of it for a while, because it seemed so crazy, so unlikely, so...not right, and yet here they were.

In another ten minutes or so, Liam woke up, and then Niall, but they were still very sleepy and out if it, so no one really talked. Louis was ok with that, as he didn't want to talk, he just wanted to keep thinking about Harry.

It wasn't long after Liam and Niall got up that the man came back, and told them they were going to be released soon. That was the indication that Harry told them what they wanted to know and gave in without a fight.

When the man came back, none of the straggled behind; they all followed him quickly, aching to leave.

The man stopped suddenly in a room with big windows and a set of doors to the outside, clearly the way they would leave. They could see the van to the side and didn't really know what the hold up was, or why they were brought here and not outside. And where was Harry?

The man suddenly left, and in his place came some guards that towered over them, even though Liam was almost as tall as one of them.

The guards were right at their backs as the three of them faced the doors, knowing without even asking them that they couldn't leave yet. All they could do is look out the window and wait.

A few minutes later, from a door they could not see, Harry walked out, followed by the man and one guard.

No one inside could hear what the exchange was between Harry and the man, but they knew they were talking to each other rather heatedly.

The man brought Harry away from the building, leading him to some area away from Louis, Liam and Niall and that's when they saw Harry.

The man turned around and looked over at the window, clearly signaling the guards watching the three of them. The guards caught the signal and suddenly pushed the three of them forward and instructed them to start moving. They did.

They were led out the doors and then abruptly stopped. Louis thought this whole ordeal was rather unnecessary and time consuming, but he wasn't going to argue.

Harry was now very far away, and he and the man were no longer speaking to each other. While looking at Harry, Louis suddenly noticed that Harry was hand cuffed and not looking too happy.

Louis didn't really think much of it, until he saw Harry distances away from the man and the guard, facing them being totally silent.

Since Harry didn't pay any attention to Louis, Liam and Niall, Louis assumed that Harry didn't notice them yet, but suddenly, Harry looked over right at Louis, causing Louis to jump back a bit, as his gaze was so strong and direct.

The man didn't like Harry looking at Louis, and from a far it looked like he was shouting at Harry to look at him and not Louis.

But Harry never stopped looking, never stopped his gaze, and Louis couldn't break his own line of vision until he saw the man draw something small and black from his jacket pocket. He then walked over to Harry and removed the hand cuffs.

The guard came over and took the black thing the man was holding and backed up a bit to create some space. The man slowly backed away from Harry himself yet never gave any indication of his power over Harry weakening.

Meanwhile, while Louis and the rest of them were trying to figure out just what was going on while Harry hasn't stopped looking at Louis, as if to try and tell him something that he clearly couldn't say due to how far away from each other they were and the apparent situation, which wasn't looking too good, despite no one really knowing what was going on.

Harry's eyes looked calm, even peaceful, and Louis felt to lost and so alone, even though Harry was just a few feet away. Louis wanted to be by Harry's side and yet knew he couldn't go over to him. Louis was stuck, only able to look at Harry from a far and try to figure out what Harry was trying to tell him.

The guard then checked the thing he was holding, raising it up a bit, right at Harry.

Louis felt his heart drop and almost shatter, eyes growing wide and he gasped a bit, eyes then turning back to Harry. Louis could feel himself start to shake. They couldn't be, they just couldn't be removing someone so perfect, wonderful, and spectacular from Louis' life right in front of him, this just could not be happening, no no no no _no_.

But Harry's eyes were still locked on Louis and even calmer than before. What the hell was going on? Louis wanted to scream and yell and make that guy stop and get Harry and make him safe again, make this feel like home, but his voice was dry and his arms were being held by a guy who was probably strong enough to snap each of his arms in half.

Louis knew what was coming next and he stopped breathing, thinking and feeling, wishing something like a flash rain storm or a sudden gust of wind could start and in all the confusion Harry would be ok. But the clouds were those light ones, and the air was dry and dusty. Everything had been so good with Harry and now it was all a mess and Louis was going to cry, scream or pass out because holy fucking shit this couldn't be happening.

Four shots rang out quickly without pause. Three hit Harry and soon he was down. The air suddenly came back to Louis and he felt himself scream and try to break free from the guard holding him. Louis didn't see the man signal to that guard to let Louis go, so he ran from his grasp a lot faster and easier than he thought he would, throwing himself forward.

Harry was lying on his back, eyes still open but clearly not doing ok. He was shot twice in the chest (but not at nor relativity near the heart) and once in the side of his body, as if he was shot there in the process of falling down.

Louis ran up to him and bent down at his side, trying to fight back ugly ugly totally hysterical tears.

Harry, eyes still calm and now looking a little sleepy, saw Louis arrive at his side. Knowing he didn't have much time left, Harry tried speaking. It came out rough and very quiet, causing Louis to hush up a bit so that he could hear Harry one last time.

"Louis..." Harry moaned but not the good kind of moan. "It's ok." He spit out, trying to help Louis understand.

"No Harry, it's not ok! Harry why?! You said they couldn't! You told me you'd be ok! Harry, why? Please!" Louis' tears were starting to come back, and his voice broke off.

"Lou," Harry grunted, "I did it...I did it for you."

The blood was coming out from what seemed like all over, and when Louis suddenly remembered Liam and Niall, he looked back at them, worried that maybe they were shot too. Both Liam and Niall were struggling to get free from their guards, fighting them and doing anything that could to run over to Harry.

"But why? Why did you do it for me? Harry, I wanted you alive, I need you alive, please don't leave me."

"Louis, I needed you safe, I needed you to be ok for as long as you live. I didn't want you to be hunted down or hurt because of me."

"But I'm going to be hurt with you not here! Why did you look at me that whole time? Why didn't you try to stop the man?"

"I wanted the last thing I saw to be-" Harry's voice trembled, "something, or rather, someone beautiful."

Louis started to cry again, and he grabbed Harry's hand, squeezing it tight as if to snap Harry out of it and bring him back to life, except, there was nothing he could do now. Nothing.

"Lou, please don't, don't cry." Harry replied to his tears in a very quiet voice.

Louis knew it would be a slow and painful death since Harry wasn't dead yet, and realizing that made his head and heart ache. Such a beautiful and kind person didn't deserve to have this happen to them. Especially since Harry died so that Louis could be safe.

"You were supposed to tell them everything, they weren't going to shoot you if you did." Louis exclaimed, now feeling angry, not at Harry, but at pretty much everyone else.

"I did Lou, I-I did, it just, just, shit, wasn't, enough." Harry was getting paler and weaker by the second, covered in blood but Louis didn't care, he couldn't see anything else that was going on or hear anything else. All he could focus on was Harry.

Louis fell onto Harry's chest, tears still spilling but not really crying; his mind was bust and so was his heart. Louis' world, his home, were slipping away, and Louis could do nothing to stop it.

But Harry wasn't finished yet. "Lou, you will be ok, you-you are so strong and brave and perfect; you deserve to love and to be loved."

Louis picked himself off Harry's chest and looked into his eyes while Harry continued.

"Never forget that I loved you, and that I still love you. I love you Louis." Harry cringed a bit, as the pain must have been setting his whole body on fire by now and just destroying every bit of his beautiful being.

Louis nodded, "I love you too Harry, I won't forget, I promise."

"This," Harry suddenly had a folded up piece of paper in his hand. "Take this. Read it, it says more than I, ever could now."

Louis reached over and grabbed it from Harry's hand, keeping his eyes on Harry.

"Tell Liam and Niall, that...that they are wonderful, and that I'm sorry for letting them down."

Louis nodded, not wanting to argue with Harry that he didn't let them down, but there was no use.

Still holding Harry, Louis knew that this was pretty much it and it stung his heart so badly. Harry was still looking at Louis with eyes that were now stronger that Harry's ability to formulate full sentences.

Louis could help it, he just couldn't help it when he realized he was leaning down and then kissing Harry right on the lips. Maybe it was a bit fairy tale-ish, but Louis wished he could have been giving him true loves kiss or whatever and bring him back to life, making him all better. But Louis had no magic, and despite how soft Harry's lips were, they lost their touch to them. Despite this, the kiss was still perfect and lovely and wonderful.

"Beautiful, beautiful, you just so-o beautiful, Lou, I..." Harry's voice got quiet and his eyes slowly blinked.

"No," Louis breathed feeling dizzy.

"I, I," Harry continued slowly, opening his eyes again and trying his voice.

"No no no no no," Louis pleaded, knowing what was about to happen.

"Love you. Lou, I, I-" Harry's voice was so quiet now, and his eyes began to close again. "I love you."

Louis could feel Harry's body twitch a little bit and then go limp, weak, and empty all in his arms and knew that that was it. A final breath hinged on his lips, but Harry was now dead. Gone.

Screaming at the top of his lungs out of grief, Louis felt anger, misery, sadness and fear take over him, and he felt it and ten times worse by the time Niall and Liam ran over to Harry. By then, Louis' could scream no more.

Louis couldn't even fathom the man and the guys with the guns, and the three of them didn't notice them slip away, leaving the three of them with Harry's dead body. 

A steady rain stared and it quickly soaked them all up to the bone, but no one moved. No one could move. They didn't wanna leave Harry. They had no words, just tears that mixed up with rain and shaky hands, minds and hearts. A loss, a total loss.

Luckily, the note, the note from Harry to Louis didn't get wet or damaged, and Louis knew it would be such an important part of remembering Harry, so it was very important that it stay safe.

It seemed as if the world was just as sad as the three of them were, and the rain just added to the whole thing, making Louis feel even more lonely in this world that was already so harsh and unfair and cold.

It as no surprise to anyone when Louis fainted, on top of Harry's dead body, totally blacking out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg i can't believe this is the end

The faint smell of cigarette smoke woke Louis up, and when he took a breath he could even taste it a little. 

Stumbling up from the cold ground near the van, Louis got up and followed the smell of the smoke. 

Liam was smoking, and he noticed Louis arrive.

"Hey Lou," Liam hummed slowly after taking a drag. "Want one?"

Louis shook his head. "No thanks."

"How'd you get yourself to stop?" Liam asked.

"Harry." Louis responded, lazily rubbing one his eye.

It had been three months since Harry died, and since then, things had certainly changed.

They lost a lot of their supplies (clothing, food, water, etc.) and stopped living in abandoned houses and buildings, sleeping either in the van (despite how uncomfortable that might be) or outside on the ground with the few blankets they had left. With Harry gone they stuck together more.

In a strange turn of events, Louis found Zayn again and Zayn somehow knew what happened to Harry. Apparently most people did, but what they didn't know was how in love Louis was with him. Eventually, Louis told Zayn every thing about Harry, and why he couldn't go with Zayn the day Zayn found him.

Zayn lost all of his things in a fire, living out of pretty much a bag with just the bare minimum of things to survive on. Being one man down and ready to give up fighting people just for the sake of fighting people, the three of them welcomed Zayn, and he soon joined up with them.

It was pretty apparent that Zayn still had something for Louis and so they slept together early on. Despite how clingy they were that first night, Louis was pretty sure Zayn was intrigued by Liam and that Liam was starting to like Zayn a lot more too. But for now, the night when Louis got up to talk to Liam, Zayn had been sleeping with Louis.

"That's what I thought." Liam nodded a little, "too bad he couldn't have made me stop too."

"I know he would have gotten you to stop, if he just had a moment. I guess he never got the chance to."

"Well, one day we'll run out of them, and maybe then I'll get the message to quit." Liam dropped the cigarette butt and stomped it out while Louis watched him do so. "What're you doing up?" The night was a little warm with a cool breeze and the sky was starting to light up in front of their eyes, as it was almost sunrise.

"Couldn't sleep, like usual."

"Zayn's not helping?"

"No...and I know I have to stop being so picky about the fact that he's not Harry, but I just can't."

"That's understandable." Liam yawned.

"Did you ever get the feeling that Harry didn't belong in this world? That he was just too good?" Louis asked Liam suddenly, as this was a concept Louis had been thinking about since Harry's death.

"Well sure, yeah. He really was something else. He just wasn't for this world and this life."

"But he was so good at it." Louis tried, remembering every instance with Harry where he just completely dominated the situation.

"I know, which made everything ever worse for him. That's why they wanted him dead so bad: he was too perfect for something like this. I think they wanted his power, his brain and his way of thinking on their side, but he didn't let them have him, so they set out to destroy him."

Louis sighed and shook his head. "That's horrible. Course, I should have known this whole time. But I guess, I guess I believed him. He told me everything was gonna be ok and I thought he was right."

Liam thought about this for a minute, shifting on his feet. "To some extent he was right. Look at us, no ones tried to hurt us since then, and we're more obvious than ever out here. For the first time in a while, we aren't running from anything or anyone and it's all because of the deal Harry made."

The deal was that Harry died so that the three of them (now plus one more, but still), wouldn't be in danger. It was basically a warning sign to other rebels and Harry thought it was more important to give himself for others. He was that self less.

"I just wish he told me about it. I wish I knew that he was going to do that."

"He knew you would have argued, he knew you would have tried to make him think twice; come on, we all would have tried to talk him out of it."

Louis frowned and crossed his arms. "Only because it’s not fair. He told them everything and they still killed him. They told me that they wouldn't hurt him if he just did what they asked. Why did they go back on their word?"

Liam shrugged, and Louis could tell he was starting to not want to talk about this anymore. "It wasn't an honest word obviously, and we all should have never trusted them, I guess."

Liam then walked over to Louis a bit before Louis could reply, suddenly holding something. "Here," he began, extending his arm out to Louis. "Take this."

"What is it?" Louis asked puzzled, watching it fall into his hand. 

"It's one of Harry's necklaces. A few weeks before he died the chain broke, but I fixed it. I had been meaning to give it back to him but I never got the chance. Now it just makes more sense for you to have it."

Louis held it up so he could see it in the dim early morning light. It was a silver necklace with a small crescent moon, and Louis, although he never really paid too much attention to Harry's necklaces, remembered him wearing this one for quite some time along with a few others. "Liam, are you sure you want to give this to me? You can keep it, it's fine."

Liam shook his head, "no, you should have it, Harry would want you to have it."

"But you've known him longer and been friends with him all this time."

"So?" Liam replied quickly. "You made him a better person, he no longer felt alone when he was with you. You gave him what he missed the most about the world before things got bad. You gave him something that certainly I or Niall couldn't have ever given him. He loved you."

Louis was shocked at how Liam knew all this stuff. When did he find it all out? Who told him? But Louis didn't ask about it, it didn't matter anymore and honestly he was glad Liam knew, so that he didn't have to go explain everything. Louis sighed deeply, heart starting to ache a bit as he couldn't help but remember things. "Yeah, I guess you're right." Taking the necklace from Liam, Louis continued. "Sorry for being such a bitch at first."

Liam laughed for a second. "It's ok, I didn't trust you and then tried to get rid of you, which is worse."

"What made you stop trying?" Louis was curios. The two of them had never talked this much ever before and Louis liked being able to get out of his own mind.

"Realizing just how wonderful you were to Harry, it made me re think everything. And also not thinking you were going to kill us or something, that helped."

Louis smiled, he finally "won” Liam over.

After that their conversation moved pretty quickly. Liam said he was going back to sleep and told Louis he should do the same, to which Louis told him that he probably won't be able to sleep because for the past three months he couldn't sleep, so what made that night any different. Every time Louis closed his eyes to try and make himself sleepy, he either saw Harry falling after being shot or Harry lying on the ground dead, and it haunted his mind and his thoughts, even his dreams. He relived that moment so many times that when he did start to snooze, it felt so real again. He hated that day and that feeling and spent most of the time trying to forget it all, as his mind was filled with regrets and what he should have done. But he couldn't go back and fix it, he couldn't bring Harry back to life.

Not only that, but Louis missed Harry holding him, his warmth, his long hair and his bright and beautiful eyes. The way they kissed and how Harry was just so perfect in every way. Louis missed the way that Harry looked out for him, cared for him, and always made him feel safe and good.

That's just what Harry did, he made everything feel like home. Home wasn't a place or a town, home wasn't a building or a space, home was the person you love, home was the one that makes you feel safe, that cares for you, and who you care for. Home was Harry, home was what Louis always wanted, and Harry was what Louis felt he was always missing. Now it was gone. Now Harry was gone.

The world didn't seem so horrible and dismal when they had each other, if anything, the world seemed actually pretty manageable, because there was someone to talk to and someone to hold at night. Someone to see every morning and someone to spend time with. They didn't need anything more than they, really, just each other, that's it. But now it felt like so much was missing, and it was weird that just one person could take up so much of someone's life, and make things (literally everything) better.

And yes, the time between them was short, as it seemed like their days were numbered from the start, but that didn't matter. Louis couldn't help but wish for more time with Harry, and as soon the memory of it all started to mush into one, it seemed like Harry and Louis spent very little time together at all. One more week would have been enough, even one more day, just something, anything. 

Louis started walking back to his 'bed' with the necklace still in his hand and was going to put it in his sweatshirt (actually, one of Harry's old sweatshirt) until he noticed his bags laying near by. When he ran his hand through one of the small pockets, he felt something. A piece of paper. What Harry gave him, still folded up. Louis never read it because his heart hurt too much just to look at it, but now he wanted to read it. Now he felt he could do it.

The paper was still intact, and slowly opening it, Louis noticed it was a letter addressed to him from Harry written in very tiny hand writing to fit all on this one page.

_ Louis, _

_ I know what you're thinking. Ok, actually I don't. But I can assume what you're thinking, and I know what you're feeling. _

_ You're probably wondering how I managed to write this. Well, a few weeks ago I found a notebook in that house we were staying in (the one with no roof). Anyway, the rest of the pages were scribbled on or ripped, but this one was blank and still one piece, so I ripped it out and took it with me. I didn't know when I would have needed a piece of paper, and yet now I'm glad I saved it (in terms of a pen, I've always had this pen). _

_ The man just left and I told him everything he wanted to know, and for the most part he was pleased...but then he wanted to know about you. So I told him. Unfortunately, the fake name and information that we tired to create for you fell through, and he realized who you were. He realized the truth about your past and how we met and all that. When I told him about your building blowing up, he thought I did it because I knew so much about it. When he understood that you managed to escape the building before it happened, he then thought that you were the one that blew it up. _

_ Basically everything I tried to tell him about you he didn't believe, and told me he was going to question you next. Knowing that he'd show you no mercy and probably kill you for "double crossing" them, I gave myself up. There were things, bad things, I've done that I felt I needed to pay for, things that weren't good for anyone, things that no one really knows about that I felt I had to take responsibly for. _ _ I didn't want you to die for my mistakes and for the things I've done. They were my fault and yes, I deserve what's coming. I do, I really do. _

_ But I don't wanna talk about that stuff anymore. I didn't want to talk about that stuff at all but I knew that I would never get a chance to tell you about it in person, so I had to tell you here. Luckily I had this chance. _

_ It felt like I was just surviving, not really living before I met you. Suddenly I had something, someone, that gave my days a purpose. Sure, things might have been hard and unfortunate after meeting you (like you've said), but there was something about knowing that my life had a reason, a real purpose again, made me wanna live and not just get by, or simply spend my days waiting to die, walking around whatever's left of this burnt world cursing my existence. _

_ No, I suddenly fell in love with being in love and even life itself, despite how messed up it appeared to be. A long time ago I was told I was a romantic, but when a world where a romantic could bloom suddenly wilted, I rebelled against such a romantic way of thinking, assuming that there was no place for someone like that. I think you brought that part out in me. You made me realize that I didn't have to be alone, and I loved it and you so much for it, among other things and reasons why. _

_ You put the purpose back in my life and the reason I stopped cursing my days. You made me fall in love again with life, and things started to look less dismal and sad, because life was beautiful once again. _

_ Finding you was something I never dreamed of happening, but it was all I really wanted. You're just so brave and strong and beautiful; like nothing I had ever seen before. I guess I fell for you pretty hard, I fell for the way you'd kiss me and your smile, the way you'd curl up into me at night and your incredible beauty that gave me something sweet to look at, when this world was just filled with filth. _

_ My life mattered again and you gave me a reason to not give up sooner, or even at all. I knew it from the moment we met that you were someone special, someone perfect. Shortly after I knew you were someone I loved, and will always love. _

_ Your laugh was like music and your touch was water in a drought; I had never been this poetic in years, shit Lou, look at what you've done to me! Something wonderful, something great. _

_ I want you to keep on living, and I want you to live life for me as best as you can. Do anything you want, live life in whatever ways you want; don't give up just because I'm gone. You deserve love and you deserve to be loved. Don't waste anything on me, you should never be alone. Go out and love and travel and just experience whatever's left in this world to experience. You have a purpose, and you can do amazing things with it. _

_ I don't know when you're reading this. Maybe you'll never read this. I hope that you will and I hope that you understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying you should forget about me. I'm not saying you should throw your current life away and reinvent yourself (unless that's what you want to do, then by all means go for it), but find that balance, always remember that I love you, but don't let it hold you down, or hold you back. _

_ I hope you're ok. I wish I had more time with you. I wish I was there right now with you, or that you were here with me, holding you and kissing you. I wish you could be mine forever, and I guess in some way you are, because you're the last one I'll love, and at this point, I don't want to love anyone else, and those I used to love don't matter anymore. But that's just me. Please go and be loved, if you feel you can, and that you're ready for it. _

_ I think this is it. I could go on and on forever about your beauty, the light in your eyes, the way you look in the morning and your laugh, how you're so smart and caring and wonderfully amazing and sweet, just so perfect and lovely, but I'd just be telling you what (I hope) you already knows about yourself, and what I hope you never forget. _

_ If you ever feel alone, know that I am with you in some way. If you ever miss me, know that I miss you too but that I'll never be too far. I hope you can sleep, I hope you can always have lovely dreams and are forever treated right, by everyone you meet. I hope that no one ever tires to, or even goes so far as to hurt you. I hope that you rarely ever feel alone. I hope you are ok and start smiling again soon; the world would be a duller place without it, and the world is a bit more like heaven when you do smile. It'll make you feel better too, I promise. _

_ Take care of Liam and Niall for me, please let them know how thankful I am and always will be towards their help and support over these past few months, or rather, years. I owe it to them, just like I own you my heart. _

_ I love you. Please be ok. _

_ Harry _

A thousand knives suddenly slammed into Louis' heart as he started to miss Harry like crazy, similar to the day when he died. It was a feeling Louis hated, and here he was, feeling alone, and missing the one he loved.

For a second, all the sadness came back, washing over Louis and almost drowning him, until he tried his very hardest to push what he could of the sadness out of his mind. It was hard, but when no tears fell and Louis was able to take a deep breath and close his eyes for two seconds, he knew he was ever so slowly moving on. The letter might have taken him two steps back, but he would have had to read it at some point. 

The grief he felt the day Harry died made its way back into Louis' heart and his mind, but Louis reasoned that that was to be expected, and if his almost all repaired heart could have known in advance that it would have been smashed to bits after Louis read that letter, than Louis would have been way better off, but it didn't now, and it was too late. 

As he thought about Harry's words, he started to feel a little mad at Harry. Here Harry was, in his letter, telling Louis to go on and live life and try things and fall in love again, but Louis wasn't even sure he could simply fall asleep; how was Louis supposed to become involved in another relationship, let alone think there was any reason to live at all? If anything, Harry made it sound too easy, as if he never really knew the impact he had on Louis. One of the many thing Louis will never get to tell Harry.

But there was no use in trying to stay up. Louis took one last look at the letter feeling his heart ache and slowly folded it back up. He put it back in that small pocket in his bag and stood up, feeling the slight breeze bring a chill down his spine. Louis headed back to where he was sleeping next to Zayn, but now Zayn was awake, sitting up, and smoking. Why the fuck was everyone smoking? Louis thought as he approached him.

"Can't sleep?" Zayn mumbled.

"Yeah. You can't either?"

"Not really. Hey, was Liam up with you?"

Louis knew where this was going.

"Yeah, he was smoking a bit ago."

"Mhm," Zayn took a drag. "Did he say anything about me?"

"No." Louis sighed. "We didn't talk about you, or himself. Or anyone alive, really. Just stuff that no longer matters."

Zayn breathed out some smoke, looking bored and half asleep. Louis knew what he wanted; Louis wasn't dumb, or clueless, plus it was rather obvious.

"He's probably still up." Louis added, sitting on the blanket covered ground.

"Really?" Zayn's eyes lit up, the first time he seemed excited in years, besides that time he tried to persuade Louis to come with him, but Louis chose Harry, turning Zayn down. Maybe that's why Zayn was so apathetic towards Louis lately, like he wasn't totally over Louis' decision that day. Whatever. Louis had no regrets.

"Yeah. If you're gonna go you should go soon. When he's out, he's out."

Zayn nodded, quickly getting up and tossing the spent cigarette on the ground. "Thanks mate." He mumbled, quickly leaving Louis for Liam and not looking back.

Not really wanting someone to talk to but not really feeling ready to be alone yet, Louis wouldn't mind just being there with someone, but he knew that Liam and Zayn weren't options for entertainment anymore, and when Louis thought about Niall for a second, he realized that if there was anyone who would hate you for disturbing their sleep, it was Niall asleep in the van (his turn), so Louis fell back on the pillows and blankets and watched the dark sky above him.

The night was changing into dawn and at the edge of the horizon, the sky almost looked a little pink and bright for once, as if there could maybe be a real sunrise. Louis hadn't seen a sunrise in ages. Louis hadn't been alone in what felt like ages. But now he was. He knew he should get used to it.

There was something scary about it, something rather daunting about the thought of being alone. It was something that made Louis want to pretend that Harry was still alive, and never accept that he was gone, because it would be easier than acknowledging the truth.

But Louis knew Harry wouldn't want that. Louis knew Harry did this for a reason and did it for Louis (he really did it for all of them); how could Louis try to forget what was such a selfless act, just because it made him scared and worried? What was Louis really scared and worried about anyway? No one was hunting them down, they still had some food, water and a means of transportation, they were all good guys, and for the most part, Louis had friends...or they were getting there, more or less.

Life wasn't totally terrible, maybe it wasn't ideal and it certainly was hard at times, but he had to remember what he was coming from, the things that kept him alive and all the times he escaped death and harm. Surely there was a reason for him to still be alive, right?

Taking a deep breath of the cool air that seemed to rush in with the growing daylight, Louis closed his eyes, and maybe felt closure over this whole thing for the first time ever, or at least, since it happened. Yes, it was true that Harry wasn't alive anymore and now it was apparent that Zayn was giving him the cold shoulder and turning over to Liam, but none of that seemed important.

It suddenly all changed in an instant, when Louis realized that this was his life, yes, his life, and from that moment on until the world swallowed him up or destroyed him to bits, Louis was going to try and make the best of things, everything rather.

Nothing in life was certain, and Louis had to understand this. Yes, his heart might ache forever because Harry left too soon, but Louis wasn't going to let the memory or life of Harry get away. To Louis (and surely the others), although a short one, Harry had a legacy that deserved to stay alive for as long as the sun continued to burn upon the dying earth. Louis was going to keep Harry living, and Louis himself was going to go on and live.

And on the days when it all seemed too heavy, the days where the rain just wouldn't stop and the sun burned too hot upon them, the days where there'd be no more food or shelter, and everyone suddenly turned against each other, Louis knew that everything would be ok.

When the day would come that Louis couldn't do it anymore, maybe because life was too brutal for his gentle soul or he just needed an end to all the misery, Louis knew that he would be ok, because Harry was up there, and with Harry looking down on the world and smiling on him, Louis was never truly alone.

 

_ the end _

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! feel free to comment! :)


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